When Foster Care Becomes Family
I saw firsthand how childhood trauma can affect children. My grandparents ran a foster home and eventually adopted seven children. These kids became more than foster children to me; they became part of my family. One of the hardest parts was getting close to them, watching them become comfortable and feel safe, and then having to watch them go back to the same situations they came from. Every child had a different background and their own story. Some experienced neglect, abuse, instability, or other forms of trauma that no child should have to experience. It was extremely difficult to see a child finally feel safe and loved and then have to leave that environment. These experiences were very difficult for my family and me, and even more so for the foster child being affected.
The Body Keeps the Score helped me understand these experiences in a different way. Van der Kolk explains that trauma does not simply disappear when the traumatic event is over. It can affect how someone thinks, behaves, handles emotions, trusts people, and responds to stress. This is especially important with children because they may not know how to explain what they are feeling. A child who is acting out, shutting down, or having trouble trusting adults may not just be a “problem child.” There is usually a reason behind their behavior. Instead of asking, “What is wrong with this child?” we should ask, “What happened to this child?” I believe the foster care system needs to take this trauma-informed approach more seriously. Children should receive consistent support and mental health resources that focus on what they have experienced, rather than only focusing on their behavior.
Even though childhood trauma and foster care can be extremely difficult, I believe there is still a lot of hope. Children need stability, patience, and people who will continue to show up for them. My grandparents showed me how important that can be by opening their home to so many children and eventually adopting seven of them. They gave these kids a place where they could feel loved and supported. Their story taught me that trauma does not have to determine a child’s entire future. With the right support, safe relationships, and people who believe in them, children can heal and have the opportunity to build a better life. Sometimes having just one person who refuses to give up on a child can make a bigger difference than we realize.
View all posts
One comment
I really connected with your point that children’s behavior often makes much more sense when we stop asking “What is wrong with this child?” and start asking “What happened to this child?” Van der Kolk (2014) makes it clear that trauma can affect emotional regulation, trust, and the way children respond to stress long after the original experience has ended. I also think your grandparents’ role shows how powerful stable relationships can be.
As a former adoption social worker, I also want to say thank you to your grandparents. Opening their home to children who had experienced trauma, loving them through difficult transitions, and eventually adopting seven children is incredibly meaningful. Foster and adoptive families can become such an important source of safety and consistency for children who have experienced instability. Your post is a strong reminder that trauma-informed care is not only about treatment; it is also about the relationships children are able to build with people who continue to show up for them.
Comments are closed.