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Self Care and Staying in Your Lane
Working in a DA's office, I often interact with those touched by crime, as well as those working to help these victims. Trauma is certainly present much of the time, and burnout, both by the victims who are losing the will to continue on with pressing charges, or prosecutors and victim and witness advocates who deal with a great deal of trauma every day, is a common problem. Unfortunately, as has been touched on in the course, people in these positions also tend to be overburdened in their lives, both in and out of work, making self-care more difficult. Further complicating the issue is a lack of education on self-care; I have interacted with several individuals who feel that exercising is enough to constitute self-care. While it is a great start, and can certainly be effective, many of these people report that their routines are very effective, and that they continue to dwell on the things that trouble them as they exercise. This has led at least a few people I've known to conclude that self-care strategies are essentially myths, and that they should simply learn to "deal with" their burdens. Obviously, that can only make things worse.
Another organization I'm connected to is Boston CASA. In Suffolk County, a CASA is a Court Appointed Special Advocate/Guardian Ad Litem. CASAs are assigned to difficult cases in juvenile court, primarily when a child(ren) have been taken away from their parents and placed in foster care, and no resolution appears to be forthcoming in the case. If the children's lawyer(s), parents lawyers, and the Department of Children and Families (DCF) lawyer are all saying different things, the judge can appoint a CASA to be a sort of extra ears. The CASA is the only person whose job it is to report only on what they believe to be is in the best interest of the child; the child's lawyer is there to argue for what the child wants, and sometimes, the best interest and the want are not one in the same. CASAs meet with their child(ren) in person at least twice per month, and remain in regular contact with all other parties, including lawyers, teachers, doctors, etc. and report their observations and recommendations to the job.
Being a CASA is extremely rewarding, as you get to be the one constant in the life of a child who has had anything resembling consistency and familiarity taken from them. These children have also faced more trauma than any child should, both by the circumstances that made staying in their homes too dangerous, and by the removal itself. As such, CASAs, social workers, and the involved lawyers also tend to encounter a great deal of that trauma, and burnout is again a problem.
During a CASA training system, a group of lawyers came to talk about their roles in the process. One lawyer was from the state (DCF), another was a public defender that often represented parents in such cases, and a third was a lawyer that mainly represented children (in Massachusetts, every child involved, even infants is assigned a lawyer, while in other states, that is sometimes done by social workers or other staff). These three lawyers may often be at each other's throats in the court room, but outside of it they are friendly colleagues. They each deal with a great deal of trauma, as the parents are often also in an incredibly difficult time in their lives as well. The public defender shared that she sees new lawyers come in, take on too much, don't take care of themselves, and leave within a few years. DCF sees the same with social workers.
This brings me to some of the most interesting and helpful advice I've ever heard, both simply to understand and difficult to execute. Her advice, which she now shares with every lawyer she hires was: stay in your lane. Imagine you're on a highway. Your lane is to do your specific job, represent and fight for your specific interest. Each involved party has their own role, and you can't start worrying about what someone else is doing, if they're doing it well, etc. You need to focus on what you need to do, as that is hard enough, and stay in your lane.
When I think on this advice, it reminds me of my colleagues. They participate in self-care activities, but they don't focus on staying in their lane on that activity. They don't practice what we've come to know in this course as mindfulness. This may be because not only are they worrying about what they have to do at work the next day, but also worry about if everyone else will do what they're supposed to do, or they worry about what is happening in the interim. This seems natural to me, given the emotional nature of the cases they face, but it just doesn't appear to be sustainable. Perhaps there are some individuals who, if they practice enough self-care, they don't need to put boundaries around their work. For most, however, I do not think it to be a sustainable solution. While worrying about the case outcome may be difficult to forget, perhaps working to stop worrying about whether others are doing their jobs might be an easier step. Anything that can be done to stay more in one's lane, to be a little more mindful and in the moment, seems to me to be a required part of self-care strategies. One which should be taught alongside suggestions for things to do to take care of one's self.
Prolonged Exposure Therapy for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a constellation of symptoms that arise in the aftermath of a traumatic event. According to the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), PTSD includes combinations of the following symptoms that last for more than one month:
- Intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and/or nightmares about the event
- Avoidance of thoughts, memories, people, places, and/or things that are reminders of the event
- Negative changes in thinking and mood, such as depression, hopelessness, anger, detachment, and/or feeling numb
- Hypervigilance, jumpiness, irritability, insomnia, recklessness, and/or difficulty concentrating (American Psychiatric Association [APA], 2013)
While rape victims and military veterans make up the majority of individuals who experience PTSD, it can result from any traumatic event such as child abuse or a car accident (APA, 2013). Posttraumatic stress disorder significantly impairs an individual's ability to function and enjoy life. As such, it should be treated aggressively and with an evidence-based approach. Prolonged exposure (PE) therapy was developed by Dr. Edna Foa, Director of the Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety at the University of Pennsylvania. It is a form of psychotherapy based in the principals of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Clinicians have been using the PE protocol for more than 20 years, there is ample empirical evidence to demonstrate its efficacy. Approximately 80% of patients who receive the treatment show significant improvement of PTSD symptoms (Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety, n.d.).
It is thought that PTSD occurs when an individual fails to process his or her trauma memory. Thus, the purpose of PE is to help the individual process those memories in a controlled way so that they no longer induce a fear response (Foa, 2011). The treatment involves weekly 90-minute therapy sessions for two to three months. The protocol uses two types of exposure: imaginal and in vivo.
During the imaginal exposure, the patient closes his or her eyes and recounts the story of the trauma memory multiple times during the session. Afterwards, the client and therapist discuss the emotions and thoughts stemming from revisiting the trauma. In addition, the therapist records the patient while he or she narrates the memory, and then the patient listens to the recording at home between therapy sessions (National Center for PTSD, 2009). According to Foa (2011), this strategy "…is designed to help patients organize the memory, [reexamine] negative perceptions about their conduct during the trauma, regain new perspectives about themselves and others, distinguish between thinking about the trauma and reexperiencing the trauma, generate habituation to the trauma memory so that the trauma can be remembered without causing undue anxiety, and foster the realization that engaging in the trauma memory does not result in harm" (p. 1045). An in vivo exposure is homework that the client completes outside of the therapy session. Together with the therapist, the client makes a list of safe but anxiogenic situations or objects that he or she avoids. The client then confronts those situations or objects and stays in them until his or her anxiety subsides (National Center for PTSD, 2009). The premise behind these activities, according to Foa, is to activate the trauma memory and then "[disconfirm] the expected 'disasters'" (p. 1045).
Unfortunately, PE therapy is unlikely to complete "cure" PTSD, and some symptoms may linger. It is also possible for a PTSD patient to relapse even after successfully completing the treatment (Foa, 2011, p. 1046). This fact speaks more to the insidiousness of PTSD rather than a specific deficiency in the treatment protocol; however, it does encourage research to continue to refine the treatment.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
Foa, E.B. (2011). Prolonged exposure therapy: Past, present, and future. Depression and Anxiety, 28(12): 1043–1047. Retrieved from http://rdcu.be/trAR/
National Center for PTSD. (2009, September 29). Prolonged Exposure Therapy for PTSD. Retrieved from https://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/treatment/therapy-med/prolonged-exposure-therapy.asp
Center for the Treatment and Study of Anxiety. (n.d.). About Prolonged Exposure Therapy. Retrieved from http://www.med.upenn.edu/ctsa/workshops_pet.html
Why Cultural Competence?
What is cultural competence, you might ask… well let me tell you.
Cultural competence is simply being able to effectively interact with people of diverse cultures, and it involves making sure that the needs of all different communities and cultures are met.
Easy enough, right? Then why is it an increasing problem in the work force? This simple concept should be upheld regardless of the field you work in, but especially in the criminal justice field. Those of us who work within the criminal justice system must always keep in mind that regardless of who we are working with at any given moment, their cultures and backgrounds should not interfere or change the justice process we are guiding them through.
As we work, we must always consider the culture of those we are interacting with. By culture, I don’t just mean race or ethnicity. I mean many other human characteristics too, such as age, gender, sexual orientation, religion, income level, education, profession… When keeping these different cultures and communities in mind when working and interacting with them, we should never cease being respectful and responsive to their needs and practices. This is cultural competence. And it’s an ongoing process – being culturally competent does not happen over night, and the learning process should never stop. Education is crucial when it comes to cultural competence, and our field should focus on that even more.
The criminal justice system involves people from all cultures and backgrounds, and we should embrace that instead of running from it. It is normal to not feel comfortable or confident in certain situations, but remember – just because it’s different it does not mean it’s wrong. The criminal justice system seeks justice for us all, but we don’t all have the same beliefs and practices. The system should keep this in mind when offering resolutions for cases or difficult situations. How can we expect the same consequence or resolution to be effective for people with different needs? Practicing cultural competence in this field means ensuring that all members of a community and culture are represented and included when reaching resolutions.
As I mentioned, those of us who work in the criminal justice system target different communities depending on what we’re working on. To inspire a positive change and encourage cultural competence in our field, we must first understand the cultural contexts of these target communities. We must always be willing to learn about cultures that are different from our own if we truly want to make a difference. Drawing on different community and cultural values as well as their customs is an enriching experience. Just as you would like others to understand who you are and where you came from, you owe it to everyone else to spend some time learning about who they are and where they came form as well.
Without cultural competence, our entire criminal justice system would be based on cultural devaluation. This is when one community or culture is the target of another, using them as a scapegoat for anything negative that may arise. This concept would take away from the fair and just system we want to have and be a part of. Blaming others for negative behaviors does not work. It only encourages more harm, starting an extremely destructive cycle that is difficult to break. Cultural competence is being supportive of each other’s cultures and wanting them to prosper as much as our own.
This may sound like a difficult task, but enhancing cultural competence in our field is actually not as tough as it sounds. It can start simply by believing that you can and will serve individuals of different cultures. It is as easy as engaging in dialogues with some of your own colleagues that are of different background about their beliefs and customs. As long as you always keep exploring your own culture as well as others, you will continue to improve the criminal justice field.
Remember, diversity is a beautiful thing.
Laura
Child Neglect
I grew up as an only daughter with both of my parents. My older brothers came from Dominican Republic when I was a teen. I am very attached to my mother, we do everything together, we cannot be apart from one another. I also hold a close relationship with my brothers kids. I have a seven year old niece, a five year old nephew and a seven month old nephew. “ Children become attached to whoever functions as their primary caregiver.” When my niece Angelis was born my family and I spent a lot of time with her. I would pick her up every weekend and take her over my house for sleepovers. When her brother Angel was born the treatment wasn't equal. I preferred spending time with my niece over him. Girls are more fun to shop for, hair bows, and dress up. I would always leave my nephew home with my sister in law and my brother. I remember he will stay behind crying ( although he was a just months).
Reading A Boy Thats Was Raised As A Dog changed the lives of my family. I know that if by any means me not spending enough time with my nephew traumatized him , one of the only ways to fix our relationship was by building a better one. I started doing extra activities with just him. I got him to draw and I got him to come out his shell. Now, I see that he is more social around the family , and he is sharing ideas of what he likes to do for fun and he is also demonstrating love towards me. I don't know if he was traumatized, but what I do know is that it is very easy to neglect a child without malice. I do have a favorite, but I learned to treat them all the same way. I make sure to spend a lot of time with my newborn nephew and we share a lot of skin to skin contact. Chapter 7, taught me that secure attachment as I related the definition to how my niece feels towards me. She confides in me and tells me everything that goes on at home and in school. I am the first person she goes to for adult like decisions. I feel that although I do not live with them, I give them the feeling of being met and understood. I feel that we crave for each others connection. During this course I learned to become a better caregiver. I want my niece, nephew and future kids to be physically and emotionally healthy all throughout. I want them to know what feels good, what feels bad, and how strong a situation can make them without hitting rock bottom. I want to help them never feel neglected and limit any abuse they can undergone as they grow up.
Active Duty Military, Veterans, First Responders & their Families, & Yoga Warriors Int’l
For my final project I am a writing a proposal to present to the Providence Police Department, in conjunction with the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation used by the PPD Peer Support Unit, to collaborate with Yoga Warriors International, for the treatment of First Responder depression, anxiety, PTSD, psychological stress, and the stigma of mental illness, all of which are normal reactions to the abnormal situation of routinely being exposed to threats, actual or perceived, and the prolonged and/or chronic stress associated with a career in Law Enforcement. Just as YWI successfully helps Veterans get 'unstuck' from the moments in the past which are preventing them from living in the present, and planning for the future, through active Yoga Warriors methodology, where classes integrate concepts of traditional hatha yoga with modern knowledge of the mind/body connection, First Responders are taught that moments in their careers do not define them, their present, or their futures. The JOB can become the thing that used to take precedence; a facet of their complexity, and not their entire persona. The JOB is filled with chronic routine work environment stress, and the very nature of police work includes regular and ongoing exposure to confrontation, violence, and potential harm. Evidence based hatha yoga and mindfulness are used to prevent or alleviate symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD or combat stress (COSR), by actively taking the collaborative 'first breath'.
Evaluation of Someone Else’s Work in the Field
About a year ago, I worked as a Therapeutic Mentor/Therapeutic Training and Support in which I worked with kids and teens on a 1:1 basis. With my Therapeutic Training and Support (TT&S) role, I worked alongside a master’s level clinician during family sessions. There is a specific case that had a strong impact on me that I still frequently go back to when thinking about trauma. For a year I worked with a 6 year old little girl who had endured severe trauma from her biological mother before being adopted into a loving more stable environment. I had the opportunity to work with two different clinicians on this case and was able to get a glimpse into how different clinicians work when it comes to handling trauma cases and to see just how educated they are when teaching and helping families who are going through it.
When the case first opened in November 2015, it was myself as the Therapeutic Training and Support (TT&S), and the master’s level clinician. This clinician stayed on for only a few months. Throughout those months, I observed the way she took approaches to the child and the family and began to notice that the family and child were unresponsive, the approaches were not well thought out, there were some things in regards to trauma that she herself was unsure of but never took the time to learn and figure it out so that she could inform the family. Every week, I had supervision with my supervisor in which we would discuss all of my cases, how I’m dealing with my caseload, and if there was any cases they were beginning to take an effect on me. More often than not this one specific case would come up. I explained to my supervisor that I would go to the sessions an hour early to work with my client 1:1 and it seemed to go okay, but the family sessions were very messy, the client’s behaviors were escalating, and there was only so much I could do on my part. As a TT&S you are to work directly under the clinician and follow their lead, but there was no lead to follow. The family began to look at me as the sole clinical provider in the sessions due to the fact that I was doing more work than the clinician. I was fairly new to being trauma informed in was in the middle of a training class the company offered. It eventually got to the point where the family decided they no longer wanted this clinician working with their family, but wanted to keep me. The clinician was taken off the case, and my supervisor had begun to take over. I watched and observed very carefully how attentive my supervisor was to the family needs and admired and respected the approach that she took to first educate the family on exactly what trauma is, how they need to help their daughter through it, and how they can help themselves through it.
As previously mentioned, myself, as well as my supervisor was apart of an ARC training in which it taught us about kids with trauma and how to approach it with both the child and the family. The clinician taught mainly out of the book that we used from the training, Treating Traumatic Stress in Children and Adolescents: How to Foster Resilience through Attachment, Self-Regulation, and Competency by Margaret E Blaustein and Kristine M. Kinniburgh. There was a section in the book that was reflected on for reference when approaching topics that needed to be taught to the parents during parent sessions:
- Trauma Experience Integration
- Executive Functions
- Self Development and Identity
- Affect Identification Modulation
- Affect Expression
- Caregiver Affect Management
- Attunement
- Consistent Response
- Routine and Rituals
Each of these topics were discussed first with the parent, and then again during family sessions in which the clinician used a more age appropriate approach so that the 6 year old would be able to understand.
Some of what was taught during the training was mentioned throughout this course, and was used during our family sessions. Module 4 of the course reminded me a lot of what was taught during the ARC training as well as what was used during both family sessions with the clinician and during my 1:1 sessions with the client. In module 4, we learned about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), which is something that my client was diagnosed with.
“When children are raised in an environment with grossly negligent or abusive care, especially in the first five years of their life, they may develop RAD. The development of attachment is a normal process in infancy, and dictates a person’s ability to love, trust, develop awareness and empathy for others feelings, to regulate their own emotions, to develop healthy relationships as well as a positive self-image. Healthy attachment can only occur when an infant is consistently attuned to, comforted, and when their needs are repeatedly met. The lack of these factors in the first few years of their life can negatively impact their entire future” (Rousseau, 2017).
For about 8 months I was able to watch and observe first hand my supervisor/clinician walk the parents of my client through exactly what RAD is, the impact that it has on children, the importance of consistency, why our client acted the way she did, and the required steps moving forward. It was expressed that one of the most important things to do as a parent with a child with RAD and a trauma history is to come to a complete understanding of what trauma does to a child on every aspect. She began parenting sessions with a teaching guide and incorporated fun learning activities for when it came time to include our client and it was then that the family and client began to thrive.
Working with two different clinicians on this case I was able to fully evaluate each of their work and how it impacted the family. It became a learning experience of what works for a family and what does not. The most important thing that I took away from my supervisor was to understand the many types of trauma that a child can endure and more importantly how to approach it with clients so that they can learn to understand what a trigger is, what it does to their body, and understanding age appropriate tactics. In our case, with a 6 year old little girl, we used music, dance, art, basically any kind of play therapy to work with her and it turned out to be affective.
PTSD, Post-Traumatic Growth, and PFA
A Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) diagnosis and post-traumatic growth are not mutually exclusive events. Nor is the opportunity for post-traumatic growth null in the event of a PTSD diagnosis. The fundamental difference between these two events is the reaction of the individual and their support system, or lack thereof, after the trauma has occurred. Society has been conditioned to believe that trauma is a rare occurrence and not that the “trauma response is a normal response to an abnormal situation” (Rousseau, 2017). Due to this conditioning, many individuals who experience trauma are overwhelmed with a sense of shame due to their actions or inactions in the face of a traumatic event (Van der Kolk, 2014).
One of the hardest aspects of recovery for trauma survivors is the fact that “people can never get better without knowing what they know and feeling what they feel” (Van der Kolk, 2014, p. 27). It takes a tremendous amount of trust and courage for a survivor to allow themselves to remember (Van der Kolk, 2014), but that can be the key difference between suffering with PTSD and engaging post-traumatic growth. With the proper social connections, a survivor can develop the necessary physical, mental, emotional, and social resilience to positively impact their sense of self, social interactions, and philosophy of life (Rousseau, 2017).
A key transition point in determining whether post-traumatic growth would be successful could be directly, or shortly, after the event itself. Psychological First Aid (PFA) could provide the necessary support and encouragement that makes the difference between a lone-PTSD diagnosis that someone struggles with and their ability for post-traumatic growth. PFA is a strength-based model of support and intervention designed for immediate use after a traumatic experience. PFA can be implemented by almost anyone in the presence of someone who has experienced trauma or distress: mental health workers, disaster responders, emergency workers, law enforcement officers, crisis counselors, or even a parent with their child. PFA should occur in a natural setting where the survivor will be most comfortable and least influenced by stressors (2011a). Two of the most important things to remember when implementing PFA is to ensure that “what [providers] do does no harm” (2011a), and that disaster and other trauma survivors are having a “normal reaction to an abnormal situation” (2011a; 2011b).
The goals of PFA include establishing a calm environment, human connection, and trust, providing practical assistance, safety and comfort, and promoting adaptive coping while ensuring the survivor’s immediate needs are being met and that they are being linked with necessary services (2011a). To achieve these goals, providers are encouraged to observe the survivor without intruding, model healthy responses, maintain confidentiality, and acknowledge the survivor’s successes to encourage strengths-based healing (2011a). It’s important that providers working with survivors are direct, do not speculate, and are willing to admit that they don’t have the answers to some of the questions that may be posed by the survivor (2011b).
The immediate moments after a trauma has occurred can become extremely sensitive for the survivors. Van der Kolk (2014) asserts that “after trauma the world becomes sharply divided between those who know and those who don’t. People who have not shared the traumatic experience cannot be trusted, because they can’t understand it” (p. 18). This is parallel to the assertion of the presenters in Psychological First Aid (2011a) that providing PFA to survivors is a careful balancing act to establish trust, largely due to this assertion that those who have not survived trauma cannot understand what their clients are going through. It can be extremely triggering for a survivor to receive support from a provider who claims to understand how they are feeling; one of the presenters in Psychological First Aid (2011b) expressly warns the audience to avoiding using such terms as “understand” when supporting individuals because of this risk.
I strongly believe that training in PFA for individuals who are at the forefront of trauma- and first-response would be the best practice for trauma survivors. It is the responsibility of the community and the organizations who are trusted to care for these individuals to provide the best options for treatment and growth after a traumatic event has occurred. The social mindset surrounding trauma and the regularity of appropriate treatments have much room for growth, however with the appropriate education and advocacy, we as growing professionals can ensure this best practice is achieved.
References:
Cavalcade Productions (Producer). (2011a). Psychological first aid I: Goals and guidelines [Documentary]. Available from http://bu.kanopystreaming.com.ezproxy.bu.edu/video/psychological-first-aid-i-goals-and-guidelines
Cavalcade Productions (Producer). (2011b). Psychological first aid II: Caring and coping strategies [Documentary]. Available from http://bu.kanopystreaming.com.ezproxy.bu.edu/video/psychological-first-aid-ii-caring-and-coping-strategies
Rousseau, D. (2017). MET CJ 720 Trauma and Crisis Intervention - Module 1: Introduction to Trauma
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score : Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. New York: Viking.
Prospective Research
Crystal Harris
Blog Post/ final
CJ Trauma 720
Research of “60 days In” contestants:
In 2016, A&E began broadcasting a television show entitled 60 Days In. This program, produced by Gregory Henry, Kimberly Woodard and Jeff Grogan, was created as a response to some issues occurring inside of the Clark County Jail in Indiana. It consisted of several average people, with criminal justice backgrounds, entering into the jail as prisoners, unbeknownst to the guards and other prisoners. These “inmates” job was to obtain insider information on how the prison was being run. They were to witness the occurrences in the jail and report back to the sheriff.
The following is a list of specific questions I would attempt to answer in my research in order to better understand the trauma of incarceration. As these individuals do not have a stake in my research and can leave the prison anytime they wish, I believe their answers will be more forthcoming. They will lack much of the blame tactics that we would find if we were to ask regular prisoners the same questions. These questions would also help to understand the different personality changes that occur due to incarceration. While writing my research questions, I became more enthralled in finding out their answers and have determined that this is what my final project for this class will be on. I am very excited by this prospect and what ideas I can come up with.
How did their family dynamics change?
Did you become more patient or less patient with your family?
Did you become more or less domineering?
Did they experience any feelings of being a real prisoner?
Did they forget they had volunteered for this?
Did they exhibit any prisoner like behavior?
Did they gain a gang mentality?
Did they participate in criminal behavior?
Did they participate in the bullying of other prisoners?
When they were released, did they feel shame for their actions in the jail?
Did they experience any trauma by the loss of freedom, even though they chose that loss?
Did the belief of “not being weak” roll over into their normal lives?
Did it affect their interactions with others around them?
What changed their thoughts about how prisons are run?
Did their thoughts change?
Did the spying, that they had to do in the jail, roll over into their regular lives?
Did they feel guilty about spying on the inmates?
Did they feel guilty about spying on the guards?
Learning New Self Care
Self care is important for everyone- including myself. This a basic, and almost obvious statement but for me it took me far too long to realize. When I get stressed the way I cope is by doing more. This may seem counterintuitive, and often it is. Whenever I feel overwhelmed by school, family, friends or just life in general my natural reaction is to just do something else rather than deal with the problem at hand. A few months ago I couldn’t even fathom the idea of just doing nothing or doing something purely for myself. Years of doing this made me normalize my behavior. I would explain to my mom, my boyfriend, friends, doctor, everyone that cared about me that always being busy calmed me down. I was lying to them and more importantly I was lying to myself.
I told myself that because I was doing something productive that it was healthy. My anxiousness and feeling like I lacked any real control in life typically manifested itself by me becoming obsessed with menial things that I felt like I could control. For example I would rewrite my class notes 4 times, not because I needed to and not even necessarily because it helped me learn better. I did it because it was something I could control. I thought this process was cathartic, I thought it helped me calm down. Looking back I realized that it was just another stressor in my life. My life was being controlled by what I thought I was controlling. I became obsessed with counting everything I did, from the notes I took to the number of grapes I ate, I really felt like I was doing well. Because I was getting good grades and maintaining important relationships in my life I refused to see that this was unhealthy. To me this was self-care.
I always recognized the importance of self-care, but not always for myself. If anyone suggested I try something other than my rituals that gave me a sense of control, I would very defensive and explain why my self care was the best. I was so in need of structure and control that the thought of doing something healthy, and relaxing like taking time to breathe or sit down and have a nice meal or even something as watching TV felt like a waste of time for me.
My journey to discovering self care has not been an easy one, and I am still trying to figure out what works best for me. However, this class in addition to working at SARP has helped me see that yes even I need self care. Everyone needs it including myself. Taking time for yourself is healthy, not lazy. I would be lying if I said there aren’t days when my stress gets the best of me and I rewrite my notes or count my chewing, but the more I practice my new healthier self care the less frequent these days become.
While I am hesitant to say that my coping strategies before were ‘wrong’ (I think it was right for me at the time), I have adopted new techniques that make me feel better. Self care looks different for everyone, and unfortunately there isn’t a one size fits all self-care trick that will work for everyone. However I have been fortunate to find some techniques that work for me. Some of them may sound silly and that’s okay!
Self-care for me is being open and not holding everything. Before I wanted everyone to think that I was some super human that never needed help and could deal with anything, I realize how detrimental that was to my health. I was always stressed, my body hurt and I never slept enough. I couldn’t even enjoy time with loved ones without finding something I could control and do. However with love and support I was able to find new ways to care for myself. I am now more open about how I am feeling, instead of always saying I’m fine, I am honest about how I really am feeling with a few close loved ones.
Additionally, I accept that my school work isn’t perfect. I enjoy school and learning so much more now that I can focus on just absorbing the material rather than my need to have the same notes four times. I go to the gym and take walks sounds simple, because it it but it helps me. If I want to dedicate my life to helping others I need to first learn to help myself.
Dealing with stress- Shayne Finn
For my final project I am writing a proposal to research the effect of CrossFit programming as treatment for PTSD among military veterans. It makes me think about the need to find something to do to reduce or cope with stress in your life. Everyone has different hobbies or interests that work for them to relax and decompress. Personally, I love playing golf and doing CrossFit. During the summer golf takes up more time, then in the winter CrossFit takes center stage. Some people like to read or run or do yoga. The hobby doesn't matter, what matters is that you keep with it and don't let life get in the way. Even if you take 15 or 20 minutes a day to just practice breathing exercises it is important that you stay with it. Life can be overwhelming for everyone, especially those working with incidents involving trauma, and you need to find something that works for you to help relieve some of the stress. Self care is unbelievably important and needs to take precedence.