Everyday I’m in a Rut

Lily Kutner

Instructor’s Introduction

In WR152 Multimedia Poetry Now, students completed a final multimedia poetry project that grappled with either an issue from their research paper or a social issue relevant to their personal lives. Lily Kutner’s multimedia poetry project reflects on and captures the isolation and loss our incoming students experienced last fall 2020. Juxtaposing pre-pandemic video of her high school close friends with her singing an original poem alone in a CFA practice room, Lily highlights the sudden schism we all faced early in the pandemic of losing our larger communities and close friends for the four walls of our homes. Lily turned her poem, which is included at the end of her artist statement, into the musical background of her multimedia project, thereby incorporating herself as both a writer and musician. What I find poignant about Lily’s pandemic project is how she invites the viewer into her intimate circle of friends, while also exposing her vulnerability in the practice room. This sharp contrast between (pre-pandemic) exuberant warmth and (pandemic) sterile isolation reverberates in my own mind as I contemplate what we have lived through and where we are now in the pandemic.  

Carrie Bennett

Everyday I’m in a Rut

Artist Statement

When the pandemic hit in March it was absolutely devastating; it felt as if my entire life had been ripped away from me in the blink of an eye. And these feelings did not go away when I moved away and started my first semester of college. They actually worsened, as I no longer had the support system of my family, and was suddenly thrown into more difficult classes than I had ever taken.  

In my poem I decided to write about these feelings of loneliness that came from the pandemic, specifically when I entered college. It felt as if I was all alone and all I had left were the memories of high school to keep me sane. In the video you will see clips from throughout high school, interspersed with videos of myself alone in my practice room here at BU. This practice room was one of the many places on campus where I was completely alone with my thoughts.

The poetry focuses on these experiences and also speaks on online classes. College is always hard, but with the pandemic the heartbreak of leaving high school behind was multiplied by not ever getting a proper goodbye. I also decided to set the words to music, and layered harmonies throughout to mimic the sad and lonely feelings building as more time went by.

Poem

                           C

Everyday im in a rut                                           

                                     Em

Don’t know when I’ll get out                                 

                               Am 

Everyday i sit and stare                                     

                                    F

Wondering if i should dye my hair                      

                        C

Everyday im a rush                                           

                             Em

Always thinking ahead                                     

                                       Am

But I don’t know what I’ve done                         

                     F

By the time I go to bed                                        

     C         Em

So I da dum da dum                                          

Am       F                                C

Sit and watch the world go round                     

                      Em

Cause da dum da dum                                     

Am                               F                                   C

When you’re sitting on mute you can’t make a sound

            Em                            Am        F

All of my friends have gone away                   

                                      C 

Feels like my life is on replay                             

         Em                      Am      F

So I go through everyday                                   

                            C

Without much to say                                           

I’ll try to smile

Try to hide these feelings away

Sitting on my bed in class                                       

Feeling fragile as glass

But through this little screen                                 

I look as bright as a beauty queen

Watching clouds as birds fly by                            

Thinking we’re up so high

And yet I feel so low                                               

Like I’m caught in an undertow

As I  da dum da dum                           

Sit and watch the world go round                         

Cause da dum da dum

When you’re sitting on mute you can’t make a sound  

More leaves fall every day         

I sit and watch as they decay                              

And I go through everyday 

Without much to say           

I’ll try to smile 

Try to hide these feelings away  

I’ll try to smile 

Try to hide these feelings away

I’ll try to smile 

Try to hide these feelings away

I’ll try to smile 

Try to hide these feelings away

Lily Kutner is a sophomore studying Music Education in CFA at BU. She was inspired to create this piece by the loneliness and isolation she felt in day-to-day life during the pandemic, especially once she came to college. It felt as if every single day was the same and she no longer had the support system that she had created at home. Instead she was alone in a CFA practice room for the majority of her time. She created this video and this song to showcase all of those feelings, which are very common in college students, especially during the pandemic.