{"id":353,"date":"2020-04-20T21:15:19","date_gmt":"2020-04-21T01:15:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/?p=353"},"modified":"2020-04-20T21:15:19","modified_gmt":"2020-04-21T01:15:19","slug":"interview-18","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/2020\/04\/20\/interview-18\/","title":{"rendered":"Interview #18"},"content":{"rendered":"

She is a mother of four in her fifties. Her son, brother, son-in-law and her husband were prosecuted in different times. Never missing any prison visit to see her son in a city with 10-hour bus-ride, she experiences hardship upon hardship as multiple prosecutions hit the family.
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Back to list of interviews<\/a><\/p>\n

English Translation:<\/strong><\/p>\n

As a mother I was devastated. We went through something so unexpected, to the point that it never even crossed our minds. Within my (extended) family there were no males left; I am next in line (to be prosecuted), I think.\u00a0 It may look like a harder situation as an outsider, but I have a different perspective. God (Allah) wanted us to go through this; if He had wanted to, he would have prevented it. I believe we\u2019re going to have a wonderful outcome as a result of all of the hardships we\u2019re going through, here on earth, as well as in the afterlife. I have passed on everything that I am going through to God. I believe He is the greatest of knowers and He will give what is best.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We went to visit a family (who are victims of the purges like us) yesterday. They were our distant relatives. Her husband had gone into hiding. He was not at home anymore. She had to move here (to this city) with her three daughters since her family was here. She had only her parents supporting them. We tried to support them, too. She was going through so many difficulties. One of her daughters had psychological problems. She was a sophomore in college. One day she started vomiting, and could not get out of bed. They took her to the internal medicine doctors, believing it was a stomach problem. The doctor could not find anything, so he referred her to a psychiatrist. I am glad we made time to go visit them and give some support. My daughters tried to cheer the girls up. The lady was constantly crying. She and her daughters were looking for jobs. Two of the girls already graduated from college, but they could not find any job. There were all these saddening stories, and we believed our condition was far better than the others. One of the girls was extremely scared about being followed and incarcerated. She even told my daughter that she was worried that they would prosecute my daughter because my daughter came to visit them.<\/span><\/p>\n

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(1)<\/b><\/p>\n

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I am giving full consent for these recordings. I have 4 children. The youngest one started college this year. The other 3 all graduated already. My eldest son studied to become a district governor. After 4 years, he graduated, and he successfully passed the qualifying exam. He was appointed to a position in the city hall. Our hardships began at that time. They dismissed 5 or 6 people after passing the qualifying exam in that year. My son was among them. We were very saddened at the time. My son and his wife were even sadder, to be honest. He had dreams of serving the public.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Prior to this, he was working elsewhere, where he had a desk job. That position had better pay, but that was not what he wanted to do. He quitted that job, and started to work towards his goals. He said he wanted to serve the public as well as be involved with them. For one year, he had no social life. He put all his time and energy toward his goals. He made so many sacrifices, and in the end it paid off. He was able to get into the qualifying exam to serve in the district government. He passed the exam. However, after the exam, they dismissed 6 people from the finalists. My son M. was one of them. As a family, we were all very saddened by this, because we knew how much effort he had put into this goal. Then afterwards we acknowledged that it was fate, and whatever had happened was probably for the best. Later on they told my son that he would be given a position elsewhere as a civil servant, but they hadn\u2019t told him where it would be. In the meantime, he was still working at the district governor\u2019s office. He was also doing an internship at the governor\u2019s office. As he was waiting to be appointed to another post, he was suspended. He was suspended for approximately a month.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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While he was living and working in A., he was suddenly detained by law enforcement. He was detained for 15 days. When we went to go and visit him, they did not allow us to see him. We then got permission from the prosecutor to see him, and so we did, but only for a total of 5 minutes. He was behind metal bars with a sign on the door reading \u201ccounterterrorism\u201d. (Cries) I saw my son for 5 minutes. We had so little time that all I could do was to ask my son how he was. I didn\u2019t have time to ask how long he would be there or get any kind of information. There was a police officer waiting there while we spoke. After we visited my son, we returned back to our hometown (city of E) because it wasn\u2019t yet determined when he would be taken to court. A lawyer was assigned to my son, and we got the chance to speak with him. The lawyer told us when my son would be seen in court but he did not talk to us about the possible results. It was possible that my son might go to jail, but we still didn\u2019t know anything. We had been meeting with the lawyer but he never said anything. We didn\u2019t know that much about the steps involved in court procedures, so we weren\u2019t sure what would happen next. We went to see my son when the time came for him to testify. They questioned him for 3 hours. The public prosecutor must have sent his statement to the judge, I\u2019m not entirely sure, but they released him. At that point we were so happy. My son rented a place for himself and his wife. They went there and we returned to our hometown.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

After a couple of months, they called my son again to the city in which he was employed. They wanted him to testify again. We spoke with my son before the trip. He said that he would visit our hometown afterwards and he would stay here for a couple of days. He told us to pray for him. We thought he would just testify and come back. Apparently they called all of his colleagues from the governor\u2019s office as well. My son knew this but he didn\u2019t tell us at that point. When my son got there to testify, they arrested him.<\/span><\/p>\n

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This was our second devastation. He was fired from his position before he was detained. It\u2019s hard to say, but you get used to it. Everything came back to back, before we got used to one thing, the next one came our way. When we got used to one heartbreak, another one came into our life. While we were trying to get used to his dismissal, they took him back. My son\u2019s wife took their child. I\u2019m a mother, seeing all of this hurt my heart. I wished they would have taken me instead. My husband went to the city in which my son was detained, but we didn\u2019t know which prison he was in. It was a non-contact visitation day. He saw my son that way. We found out that the next week there was a contact visitation. So, we went there with the whole family. The prison was 40km away from the city.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Before they let us into the visitation, they searched us entirely. It was very stressful to get into the prison. They made the visitors wait for several hours before they were allowed inside. We saw older people who had a hard time going through security. It\u2019s almost like they made it difficult on purpose. We then had the opportunity to spend 40-45 mins with my son. The return was difficult for us. Once we returned home, we knew that all we were going to do was looking forward to the next visitation. The prison was 10 hours away which meant we couldn\u2019t go every weekend. We would write letters back and forth. It was hard at first, but we got used to it. We got used to a lot of things.<\/span><\/p>\n

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(2)<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

After a month, just as we were getting used to it, my brother was arrested. He was a faculty member at X University. He was arrested and detained for a week. It was New Year\u2019s day.\u00a0 My son had a contact visitation that week, and we wanted to go and see him again. My other siblings helped take care of my brother\u2019s family. My brother was going to testify. It was very crucial as it would determine what would happen next: Whether he would go to jail or not. We spoke with my siblings, we all prayed, and then we parted ways. My siblings went to the courthouse and we went to go see my son. Along the entire trip we prayed for the best, we hoped my brother would be released. On our way back home we got the news that my brother would go to prison. We had had so much hope. We were hoping he would be released, but he wasn\u2019t. Sadly, we got used to that as well. We were so grateful that they were alive and healthy. No matter what, we had so much gratitude for the state of all matters. Their (my son\u2019s and my brother\u2019s) children were all in good health. Sometimes we would see others in worse conditions. People whose families were imprisoned but they had no means to take care of the rest of the family. Some families were left in poverty.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My brother\u2019s court date took longer to come. After a couple of months his criminal charge was prepared. He was taken into custody with about 25-30 other people and they all had the same court hearing. During the first court hearing nothing happened, so they set a date for a second hearing in 3-4 months. We had no choice but to wait it out. We were waiting outside and he, inside. My brother\u2019s second court hearing was the same day we would leave to see my son. First we went to the courthouse for my brother, waiting in front of the courthouse for the entire day. My brother was inside with his lawyer. My brother\u2019s wife and I prayed everything would go well. We were getting information via text from his lawyer, but then our bus departure time came and we had to leave. We bid farewell to my brother\u2019s wife and left to go see my son. We had to get to the prison by 9:30AM to see him by 11AM. All the while, my brother was still on my mind. My two children (H.. and R..) were beside me at the time when we received news from my brother\u2019s wife. She called my son, H.., I think it was around 12 pm. I could tell from the way his face dropped that it wasn\u2019t good news. My son H.. said they sentenced my brother to 9 years in prison. That news shattered my world.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The bus ride was quite difficult. I couldn\u2019t let myself go and cry but I wasn\u2019t feeling well at all, either. My blood sugar level or my blood pressure level significantly dropped at once. But I had to be patient. My children were with me, they helped out and gave me medication, and I felt okay again. When we visited my son, he asked about his uncle. We told him the news and he was so upset by it. After the visitation we headed back home in the afternoon. Every time the travel to visit him was so easy, but the return was so hard on us. We were sad to be leaving him there all alone, but we were also physically very tired. Like that, my boy stayed there for a year. One year had passed in this condition, we would go to see him at every time we could. Each time someone else would go, but we would never miss an opportunity to see him. We wanted to make sure that he knew we were there for him and we also wanted to see him. My son was arrested on November 24, and his court date was December 12. Before December, my son-in-law was also arrested, too. He was an ex-police superintendent who had been dismissed from his job a year before. My daughter and her husband were staying with my son-in-law\u2019s parents for a year. When they came to visit us during Eid, he was taken.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

While we were still waiting and longing for my son to be released, they arrested my son-in-law. My son-in-law was only detained for one day, and we waited for him in front of the courthouse. He wasn\u2019t there for long, so we thought he would be let go. We kept on asking the policemen the situation of the son-in-law’s trial. After 5PM no one was allowed to go into the courthouse, but we were waiting outside until 7PM. The night prayer had passed. Everyone was going back home but we were still there waiting. We asked again what the situation was inside to a policeman there. He told us they couldn\u2019t tell us anything as he was still testifying. They were very nice to us, God bless them. None of the policemen ever yelled or raised their voice towards us. There were some who would reprimand you as if you were guilty and treat you like a criminal. As we were waiting, the door opened and my son-in-law walked out with papers in his hands. His hands were not handcuffed so I thought he was free. But that was not the case. The men beside him were apparently undercover policemen, they were young just like him. When he came out and saw us, he was surprised that we waited for him. They didn’t tell him that we were outside. As he walked over he got emotional. He asked us if we had waited for him and came to hug us all. He bid us farewell and said God bless you to us all, and just like that they took him away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(3)<\/b><\/p>\n

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At this point I was so tired. My son-in-law got emotional. He hugged his wife. He hugged us, and walked away waving at us. We thought they were bringing him to the city in which he was employed, but they were bringing him to another city which was closer to us. We were relieved as it would be easier for us to go and visit him. We got into our car and went back home. We were very upset. We cried so much, but we never rebelled against what God had written for us. We left it up to God. As we knew that they were innocent, so did He. They were innocent and we had no suspicion. I knew my children were not off track. I never suspected them of wrongdoings. I was always grateful for my children and what they had accomplished. I don\u2019t know what to say\u2026(cries) And that\u2019s how my son-in-law was taken from us.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I always prayed, I knew that God was listening and that He knew best. If He had wanted, no one would have been able to do these to any of these innocent children. But this must be our trial. I can\u2019t find the words to explain myself right now. I always prayed, I was always so grateful. I know that all of these hardships will return to us as rewards, here as well as in the afterlife. I\u2019m so grateful that we lived what we lived. I am content with my situation here, but in the afterlife, I will ask the cruel tyrants that caused all of this for what they did. I will never forgive them; them and their supporters. As a mother I will never forgive them. I don\u2019t curse, as I know that God is the All-Seeing and He knows what to do. God knows better than we do. God knows us better than we know ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Eventually, we got used to and adapted to everything. We got used to my son-in-law\u2019s absence. My son had a court date on the 12th of December, and this was his first court date. We had hope for him, but we were also worried that he wouldn\u2019t be released. We met with his lawyer. He told us the situation was uncertain. Some of the people in similar cases were found guilty while some of them were released. We prayed so much. My son had asked us to pray for him. He said that he was at ease. He said he was confident and that we didn\u2019t need to drop our heads and be sad. He was doing well where he was. My son, who was in that condition, was the one trying to reassure us and make us feel better. These days too shall pass. All of those who were in prison, my son, my brother, my son-in-law, they were all in good spirits. It was as if they were so aware of what was going on. May God bless and protect them all. When they were at ease, so were we. They never complained. As my son\u2019s court date was approaching, he sent us a letter. He was emphasizing over and over again; if it was in God\u2019s will for him to be released then he would want to be released, but if God had put it in his fate to be incarcerated he said he would be content with that. He said that God knows best. All three would say the same thing. They all prayed for what was best for them, and only God knew that. I am so happy and grateful that God has blessed us with such children, siblings, and son-in-law. May God bless them all.<\/span><\/p>\n

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So the court date arrived. All of my siblings were so supportive during this time, they all prayed for us. We had so many relatives and friends, and it was in this time of hardship that I got to know everyone\u2019s true colors. Most of these so-called friends turned their backs on us. But they didn\u2019t know what we were going through. They weren\u2019t aware of the situation. I was upset and hurt, yet I wouldn\u2019t wish these hardships for any of them. If they had lived through any of such events, I would be with them. I believe only by experiencing similar situations, they would be able to understand us.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

On the day of my son\u2019s court hearing, thankfully, my siblings came to visit us, and we gathered and prayed. Suddenly, we received a phone call. My son was released. We were so happy, but our happiness was only half, as the others were still in jail. There were so many friends and relatives who had family in jail so we had to hide our happiness. If not, we would feel guilty. Because of this, we hid these news from our friends. My brother and son-in-law, they were at least men. There were many women in prison. We saw these people during visitations in jail. Sometimes they would bring the children of detainees to have them visit their parents. In some cases, both parents were in jail. When you saw those kids in such situations, you could tell the hardships they\u2019re going through just by looking at them. Then, you feel guilty about complaining. Sometimes those children who were left behind when their parents were imprisoned were taken care of by other family members, but sometimes they were left on their own to fend for themselves. So you would see that some of them were miserable, probably because they didn\u2019t have the financial means to afford otherwise. It hurt to see people in such a state. It\u2019s painful that we cannot help, as we were also victims who were going through hardships. There were so many children in this situation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There was nothing we could do but pray. I went to visit my brother in prison. He seemed very resilient, I could tell that he was doing well. He was always saying that \u2018He\u2019s grateful for his situation and that he\u2019s waiting for the day he will be released.\u2019 He asked us to pray. That\u2019s all they wanted from us, our prayers. If they were good then we felt good, too. And they said that if we are doing well then they also feel well. It’s sort of a mutual agreement we have. I told him not to worry and that his wife and children were all very well. He said he had no worries because he knew we were by his side.\u00a0 Hearing that made me feel so much better. He said that the only thing there was that they missed their families, and that was all.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(5)<\/b><\/p>\n

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Thankfully, on April 5th, my brother will have his first court appearance. We are all focused on that. He wrote us a letter and in it he said if God had written in his fate for him to stay in jail, he would not complain. If He had written for him to be released, he would be grateful. It\u2019s hard to believe but he actually said that. They are content with whatever God has put in their way. They have completely submitted themselves to God. They\u2019ve become different people in jail. They have started fasting during the three holy months. It\u2019s hard to do this when you are busy with daily life. But they have increased their worship since they are in prison. They were usually fasting on Mondays and Thursdays before they went to jail. And now that the three holy months are approaching, they started doing that. May God accept all of their worships. Their life in jail is nice in the way that they have had so much time for worship. Yes, they\u2019ve had some hardships in jail as well, but still. May God reward them by protecting them from any hardships in the afterlife. That\u2019s all that comes to mind for now.<\/span><\/p>\n

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(5)<\/b><\/p>\n

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[Questions and Answers]<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When my son was incarcerated my grandson was only one year old. He didn\u2019t know what was going on. My daughter-in-law didn\u2019t bring my grandson to the first visitation because he was young. At that point my daughter-in-law and my grandson lived with her family. It was a 15 hour bus ride, which is a long time.\u00a0 It would also be very difficult to keep him busy. For the second visitation, we figured out that there was a one-hour flight from their city to another city which is one hour away from the prison. But they had to fly one day in advance, as flying in on the same day wouldn\u2019t give them enough time to make it to the prison as we had to be there at 9:30AM. With my husband, we went to the city in which the airport was located to meet my daughter-in-law and grandson, and we stayed there for a day. We rented a car to pick them up and drive back to the city near the prison. It was winter and it was snowing. Thankfully, we all got there safely. My grandson turned one year old two months ago. It had been three months since he last saw his dad. He had forgotten his dad. My son had taken him into his lap but he slightly pulled away to look at his dad\u2019s face. I thought he did not recognize him. Once in a while he would pull back to look at his dad. As time passed, the visitation was 40-45 minutes, he got used to his dad.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then, when the time came for us to leave, my grandson started crying as he didn\u2019t want to leave. We tried to distract him. In the next few visitations, my grandson remembered his dad well. My daughter-in-law and grandson travelled during the night the next time. We found better flight times. One of the times there was a flight in the morning, but it had a return that had a layover. My daughter-in-law waited for hours at the airport with her son. Sometimes she would land in different cities and would get a shuttle to the prison. We would meet her there sometimes. She would have hardships coming to the visitations with her little son, and we would have hardships getting there with my husband. But our visits were not that bad compared to others. There were some families who travelled from all corners of the country to see their beloved ones. There were some who didn\u2019t know how to get around and others who had financial problems. A two-way trip for two was approximately 400-500 Turkish liras. That was a big amount for those who are not well off. You also needed to provide some money for those in jail, too. The prisoners were using the prison convenience store to buy fruits and other necessities. They couldn\u2019t buy much from the outside.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One year had passed like this. We travelled back and forth to prison several times. Thankfully, it was just for a year. Some of his friends are still in jail. There were some who were not released, therefore we were truly still very thankful. As I mentioned, it was hard to be happy about my son\u2019s release as we know there were so many other innocent loved ones who were locked up. Generally speaking, everyone was just down. Everyone was so patient, and submitted themselves to God. Some were not in this situation, but thankfully most of the people that I knew were in this way. All of them were in this patient waiting game. During the visitations, you have short-lived happiness of finally seeing your loved one, but that goes away as you get ready to leave them behind again. The children were so sad, it wasn\u2019t easy for them. Some of the elderly were so old they were using canes. There had been instances of some visitors\u2019 fainting as they left their loved ones behind. We had seen so many different situations. So much has happened. And it is still happening.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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(6)<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My husband was also taken into custody. They came home near the morning prayer. My husband had gone to the mosque to pray. I prayed at home. I hadn\u2019t gone back to sleep and my husband had just returned back home. The doorbell rang. It was a little past 7am. A few people had informed the officials about my husband. My husband had been the president of an association. Everything was legal about the association. It had been a place of meeting for those who were retired but still wanted to be a part of something. The ownership of the association had been legally under my husband\u2019s name. They had told my husband that someone had given his name so it could be investigated. Some of his friends had already been interrogated. Since the association was under my husband\u2019s name, they had to give his name. They had asked his friends what my husband\u2019s role had been in the association. Therefore we were already expecting the police. When the doorbell rang, guessing who they were, we opened the door. The police had already visited our neighbors. Apparently they thought we would try to flee so they made the neighbors open their doors. All of our daughters were home, all the kids, some were sleeping and others were awake.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We asked for permission to change and get all of our things in order but they said no. They wanted to wait inside, so we let them in. The kitchen was empty, so I told them to come inside. They were 4 or 5 people, one of them was female. We quickly got up and made our beds. I told them they could start. The female officer searched the bedrooms, the girls\u2019 rooms and my bedroom. The others searched the living room, the kitchen, and the entry. They didn\u2019t search in much detail – they checked drawers, but not to the extent of inside pots and pans or between books as they did at some other homes. They searched, but didn\u2019t find anything. There wasn\u2019t anything to find anyway.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My son was going to go for his military service in two days. He wanted to write a letter to his uncle and his brother-in-law. He wanted to say thank you for everything they had done for him. He had written one of them and placed it on the coffee table.\u00a0 The policemen found it and questioned my son immediately. They asked him who he had written it for, and why he had written it. They actually knew quite well who it was written for, they knew everything, that my son had gone to jail, and that he had written the letter to his brother-in-law. In the letter, my son kept on referring to his brother-in-law as just \u201cBrother\u201d, and they asked who that was (<\/span>\u201cBrother\u201d is also a common term used by Hizmet Movement followers to address each other. Hizmet movement is a religious movement <\/span><\/i>which was accused of organizing the attempted coup and declared a terrorist organization by the Turkish government.). We told them that because my son was going to go to serve the military he wrote his brother a letter. They then took a picture of the letter and sent it somewhere, but we don\u2019t know where. They couldn\u2019t find anything else. My husband and I didn\u2019t have smartphones. They looked at our phones but then they said they didn\u2019t need to take them. There were three laptops. They asked to whom they belonged, and we said they were our children\u2019s. Thankfully they didn\u2019t take them as well. I told them my husband and I don\u2019t use the internet. Next, they told my husband to get ready, as they were going to take him. We were used to this. We prepared a bag of clothing and basic necessities for my husband. We hugged. He said God bless you to us all, and he bid us farewell.\u00a0 Then they took him away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My husband\u2019s arrest was the easiest one for us as he wasn\u2019t leaving behind any little children and he wasn\u2019t newly married. My daughter had cried a lot after they took her husband away. Anyway, we were used to it. We cried, we were upset, but then I told all of my kids to gather yourselves up. There was nothing we could do. Our Lord is Great and He would guide us to a way. So some left for school and some for work. After that my son and I called the police station and tried to get some information about my husband\u2019s whereabouts. We wanted to know where he was and when he would testify. At first we could not get any information, but then we drove to the police station and found out he was there. There had been some pieces of clothing that my husband had forgotten so we wanted to give those to him, but they didn\u2019t take them. They told us that he was safe and that he was doing well and they asked us to leave. We returned back home.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The weekend passed and we called again. They gave us a number that we could call for information. We called them on Sunday. As it was the weekend, we assumed they would make him testify on Monday. He had to first testify at the police station, then to the public prosecutor, and finally to the judge. At that moment he was testifying at the police station, but we didn\u2019t know. His lawyer took the phone. A lawyer was assigned to him, and we didn\u2019t know who he was. Then, the lawyer called us and said that my husband was testifying at the moment. He would give more information later after they were done.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Fortunately, the lawyer was a very nice person, he was concerned and took good care of my husband. He took care of my husband in the same manner he would do to other clients who would have paid him. Apparently my husband had testified for 3-4 hours. With the lawyer by his side, they asked my husband whether he knew about 200 other people. Then they went to the courthouse, and the lawyer told us that my husband would testify there the very next day. The lawyer told us they would get to the courthouse at 10:30AM. The next morning, my son and I got ready to go to the courthouse. When we had gotten there, my husband had testified. The lawyer came beside us and I asked him if I could see my husband. He said that it was prohibited for us to see him, but he told me to wait somewhere. I waited there for five minutes and my husband was approaching with a policeman. When he saw us he got so happy. He said that he was doing well and that we shouldn\u2019t be worried. God bless that policeman as he allowed us to talk for two minutes.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They put my husband in a shared room with 6-7 others. He had other friends there too.\u00a0 These friends were from the same association. The public prosecutor was requesting for them all to be arrested. We waited in the hallway where they closed off both sides. They brought 5-6 other people to wait there. They were all older men as they were retired. The association was for retired men, they used to learn and read the Quran, have conversations and debates, and all sorts of other social activities which included table tennis, it was a place for these men to socialize.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They were all bearded and over 60 years of age. All of their wives and children were there as well. They sat them all down and said that there could be no talking or communication of any sort and also no rioting. They thought we were like the other criminals; we didn\u2019t have any intention to cause trouble. They started to take them all in to give a statement in front of the judge one by one. Apparently they entered through one door and exited from another so that none of them could talk to one another. We all thought that they waited in the courtroom after they gave their statement. And then after they were all done, they had them wait in the hallway.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now the judge was going to announce his decision. All of the lawyers gathered with us in the hallway and at that point we were so anxious. What would happen, how many of them would be found guilty and how many of them would be found innocent? We were waiting in this uneasy state, praying. And then they went back inside. It didn\u2019t take long, maybe 5 minutes. The judge had given a collective decision. May God bless the judge and may God speed him as his verdict was collectively not guilty for them all. Everyone who was waiting there for their family members was so happy. Some of the younger ones were cheering. Everyone was hugging and so overjoyed. It wasn\u2019t just our family but even our friends were there to help and support us. It was really nice. Everything worked out so nicely. If some of them were found guilty and others were not some families would have been so saddened. Everyone took their husbands and fathers and returned home. I\u2019m not sure if the judge\u2019s decision was influenced by the fact that all of the accused men were elderly because usually the justice system is brutal and strict towards the younger people who are accused. But the reality is, the younger ones usually have more people waiting for them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

(7)<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This was what we experienced last. We were very grateful to God. I came and performed a prayer of gratitude. It\u2019s hard to be happy because so many other people have loved ones in jail. I wish everyone\u2019s situation got better like ours. The young population is spending their most dynamic and fruitful years locked up. Of course there must be some sort of wisdom for us to see in all these events. Hopefully these hardships will help them in the afterlife. We believe that, thank God. And that realm is more important we believe. Now we are waiting for their indictment, and until that day we must be patient. We don\u2019t know what will happen in court, but there are some people that are taken in and found guilty in their first court appearance. Some in the second. There is never a guarantee. My son has a court date in June, and we don\u2019t know what to expect. May God protect him. Like I said, I am hopeful, but also scared. But, of course, God knows best.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My brother has two sons. One of them was going to start university this year, but couldn\u2019t get the score he wanted to. He couldn\u2019t study effectively. His dad was not there. He\u2019s preparing again this year, but he\u2019s not hopeful. I don\u2019t know. He can\u2019t focus. He was the top student in his class, he\u2019s very brilliant but this is the case right now. Hopefully God will help him with this exam and he will get a good score. The younger one is in fifth grade. He doesn\u2019t know much about his father\u2019s situation. We told him \u2018His dad was teaching at the prison. They need his dad there and that he would work there for a while. They were giving him a lot of money for it.\u2019 And he believed us. Now he goes to every contact visit. He asks his dad when he will return home. He tells his dad the money he has made is enough and that he misses him. My brother responds by telling him he\u2019s almost done and that he should be patient. He tries to distract him in this manner. Before he was sentenced to nine years we were always waiting hopefully. But now that we have a date it becomes harder to wait. Because this time, there is nothing we can do to change it. Of course we don\u2019t abandon our hope from God, we would never do that. It\u2019s hard to explain this to kids, to his son. Thankfully they never needed anyone\u2019s financial support in these hard times, but morally, they are so tired. One of his sons is going through adolescence and the other is at an age and also of nature where he needs more attention. It’s tiring, but there\u2019s nothing we can do about it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thankfully we are all living in the same building. My sisters are also very supportive. They are of so much help. They help out with going out for errands and also babysitting my nephews. My sister-in-law is aware of their help and is so thankful. She always says may God be pleased with all of us as we support her. She says she could not do it on her own. She says that she could not have carried this load on her own. But we say that\u2019s what family is for, we are here for the hard days. Everything we do for her, we do with pleasure and with our heart and soul. She said she feels like a burden, but we said of course we would do everything we could to help her. We have all been very close-knit during these times. God willing we will get over this and survive.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My sister-in-law and her sons all get psychological help. When I last spoke with her, she said she also feels like she is in jail and that it grips her soul. She said she feels like she is suffocating. Each day differs so much from the other. Some days we\u2019re well, other days we\u2019re the complete opposite. We\u2019re human. It\u2019s hard to persuade oneself to feel okay all the time. Days do pass, and they pass fast somehow. It has been almost 2 years now. My brother says the same, that somehow he doesn\u2019t even realize the days passing as they are reading, worshipping, and finding ways to stay busy. But of course there are times when they get bored. Some of the former prisoners tell us about what it was like to be in jail. However, the current prisoners don\u2019t say anything about their circumstances, almost as if they’re keeping it a secret.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Part 8:<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I hope I have been of help. I honestly didn\u2019t know I would be this emotional about it all, my apologies. In this situation, the true victims were the children. The older people with loved ones who were taken to jail are okay, but children who are at an age when they need their dads or moms the most, they are the ones who really suffer. We lie in a thousand ways to the little ones to distract them. But sometimes they ask very unexpected questions. Apparently at school everyone was talking about their dad\u2019s job, and in that situation my nephew didn\u2019t know what to say. His classmates asked him what his dad does for a living and he was speechless. If he said his dad was in jail, you can just imagine how the other children would make him feel. Maybe they would bully him or question him as to what his dad did to be there. Truly, we live through so much stress due to all of this. But thank God, we believe that He wouldn\u2019t put us through these situations for nothing, and that there must be wisdom in all these. And because thinking in this way, trusting God\u2019s judgment makes things easier to bear. If not it would be very hard. My sisters always ask how I stay so patient, but they look at the events differently. For them, our loved ones are serving time while they are innocent. And they think, why aren\u2019t more people aware of the truth, and why aren\u2019t more people supportive of us? But the truth is these thoughts make them more sad. I tell them it doesn\u2019t matter if most people aren\u2019t supportive of us, we have God by our side. I ask them why they get so upset. They wouldn\u2019t want to associate with anyone who wasn\u2019t supportive of us, but I tell them that we must still fulfill our duties, they are our relatives, we cannot just erase them from our lives like that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But they think differently. They get mad at me for not being able to push our relatives out of our lives. But I tell them I cannot do that. God should question them for shunning us and not me. Everyone is responsible for themselves. I can\u2019t be like that. I wouldn\u2019t feel comfortable.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Relatives aren\u2019t something you can just get rid of. If they make a mistake, God will judge them but I cannot. Everyone needs to do their part. Everyone\u2019s actions speak for themselves, it displays their personalities and background. I guess my relatives are like that, but there is nothing I can do, I cannot change that. Not everyone can have the same mindset. If that was the case, there would have been no problems. Since that is not the case, that’s why our lives are filled with problems.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They have been telling me to get help for two years. Some sort of psychological support or medications. I told them I was good and that I didn\u2019t need it. Everytime they see me they tell me I will be burned out and that I shouldn\u2019t be stubborn about it. I know myself, that I don\u2019t need any external support. At last they convinced me to go see a psychologist. I only went so that they could stop talking to me about it. They prescribed me medication because I can\u2019t sleep at night. I have sleeping problems. There was one pill for the day and one for the night. But I forget to take them, and seriously have not seen any improvement so I stopped taking them. I\u2019m not used to a pattern like that. I told them I was good, and I know myself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019re very thankful as we are all doing good. We are healthy. Our young ones are also healthy. We have food to eat and water to drink. We have a lot to be thankful for. Yes, of course we also have a lot of things to be sad about, but up until all of these events we lived a very happy and stress-free life, so this was bound to happen. Our prophets went through so many hardships, many religious scholars also went through a lot of bad times. They bore so many hardships. The amount of stress we are exposed to is normal. But I\u2019m so thankful that I am at a mature age. It must be harder for the young ones, may God be their helper. It’s also difficult for the elderly. If my parents were still alive it would have been so hard for them as well. We\u2019re very well, thank God, we don\u2019t have anything to complain about. We know that all that comes our way is from God. We know that it will all end well. I am at peace, but that doesn\u2019t mean that I will ever forgive those who have caused us so much misery. I will never ever forgive them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They are innocent, they aren\u2019t guilty, but it will still take time. I don\u2019t know how much time it will take, but I am hopeful, God willing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Turkish Transcription:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Back to list of interviews<\/a><\/p>\n

Ben ger\u00e7ekten bir anne olarak tabii ki \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fcm. Hi\u00e7 beklemedi\u011fimiz hi\u00e7 akl\u0131m\u0131za gelmeyen bir \u015fey ya\u015fad\u0131k. Bizde zaten erkek olarak kimse kalmad\u0131 s\u0131ra bana geldi diyorum. Yani belki de d\u0131\u015far\u0131dan bakmak insana daha zor gibi geliyordur da ben biraz daha farkl\u0131 bak\u0131yorum olaya. Rabbim bize ya\u015fatacakm\u0131\u015f. \u0130steseydi engel olurdu. Bu ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00e7ok g\u00fczel sonucunu alaca\u011f\u0131z in\u015fallah hem burda ahirette. B\u00f6yle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. Ger\u00e7ekten Rabb’ime havale ettim her\u015feyi. Rabbim her \u015feyin en g\u00fczelini biliyor, en g\u00fczelini verecek.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

D\u00fcn bir aileye gittik. Bizim akraba idi. Onun da e\u015fi yok yani kay\u0131p (saklan\u0131yor anlam\u0131nda). \u00dc\u00e7 tane k\u0131z\u0131yla kad\u0131nca\u011f\u0131z ba\u015fka yerdeydi buraya ta\u015f\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, ailesi burada oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in.. Bir tek kendi ailesi yan\u0131nda k\u0131z\u0131n \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr. Biz de uzaktan akraba oluyoruz. Hani yan\u0131nda olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz. O kadar s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 \u00e7ekiyor ki \u015fu anda. K\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n bir tanesinin psikolojisi bozulmu\u015f. \u00dcniversite 2. s\u0131n\u0131fa gidiyordu. Midesi bulanm\u0131\u015f kusmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f. Hi\u00e7 kalkam\u0131yormu\u015f, devaml\u0131 yat\u0131yormu\u015f. Dahiliyeye g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f mide ile ilgili bir \u015fey zannetmi\u015f. Sonra doktor yok bunda bir \u015fey, psikiyatriye g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcn demi\u015f. Biz de iyi ki gitmi\u015fiz, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcz d\u00fcn isabet olmu\u015f rabbimin izniyle. Bizim k\u0131zlar da ona \u00e7ok moral oldu. Gittik yan\u0131nda olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Kad\u0131n iki g\u00f6z\u00fc iki \u00e7e\u015fme a\u011fl\u0131yor. \u0130\u015f ar\u0131yor. K\u0131zlar\u0131 i\u015f ar\u0131yor 2 tanesi \u00fcniversite bitirmi\u015f evde. \u00dcniversite bitirmi\u015f i\u015f yok. Onlar i\u015f ar\u0131yorlar. O kadar \u015feyler var ki, biz onlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok \u00e7ok daha iyiyiz. \u00c7ocuk b\u00f6yle her g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u015feyin hani bizi mi takip ediyorlar, bizi mi almaya geliyorlar, (k\u0131z\u0131m)R.’ dan i\u00e7in bile, yani bizimle g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor onu da al\u0131rlarsa falan diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f \u00e7ocuk.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(1)<\/b><\/p>\n

Ses kayd\u0131m\u0131n al\u0131nmas\u0131na raz\u0131y\u0131m, haberdar\u0131m. Benim 4 \u00e7ocu\u011fum var. En k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fc\u011f\u00fc \u00fcniversiteye ba\u015flad\u0131 bu sene. Di\u011fer 3 tanesi \u00fcniversiteyi bitirdi. En b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flum bitirdi. Kaymakaml\u0131k\u00a0 istedi, onu kazand\u0131. 4 sene e\u011fitim ald\u0131 o konuda ve 4 senenin sonunda ba\u015flad\u0131 bizim s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar. 4 senenin sonunda bir s\u0131navla atamalar\u0131 yap\u0131ld\u0131. Ama bu sene farkl\u0131 oldu. Bu sene dedi\u011fim onlar\u0131n s\u0131nava girdi\u011fi sene be\u015f alt\u0131 ki\u015fiyi elediler. Tabi buna \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fck o zaman. Kendileri e\u015fiyle -evliydi o\u011flum- daha \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fcler ger\u00e7ekten. \u00c7ok hayalleri vard\u0131 halka\u00a0 hizmet etmek istiyordu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Daha \u00f6nce ba\u015fka bir i\u015fe girmi\u015fti bilgisayar ba\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131 o i\u015fi, maa\u015f\u0131 da daha fazla olmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen o i\u015fi tercih etmedi b\u0131rakt\u0131. \u0130stifa etti buraya ge\u00e7ti yani halkla i\u00e7 i\u00e7e olmak istedi. Halk\u0131ma hizmet edece\u011fim dedi ve \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bir sene oturdu \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hi\u00e7 sosyal hayat\u0131 yoktu ya\u015fam\u0131nda. \u00c7ok fedakarl\u0131klar yapt\u0131. Tabii sonra kazand\u0131. S\u0131navlardan ge\u00e7ti. Sonra 6 ki\u015fiyi elediler. Bu 6 ki\u015finin i\u00e7inde (o\u011flum) M. de vard\u0131. Sonra dedi\u011fim gibi aile olarak, s\u00fclale \u00a0 olarak Biz be\u015f karde\u015fiz. Hepimiz 25-30 ki\u015fi sadece bizim taraftan e\u015fim hari\u00e7 \u00e7ok etkilendik. \u00c7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fck. Neyse dedik kader, nasip, k\u0131smet. Sonra dediler sana ba\u015fka bir g\u00f6rev verece\u011fiz. Memurluk. Art\u0131k nerede vereceklerdi onu da bilmiyoruz. Derken kaymakaml\u0131kta \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu daha. Valili\u011fin yan\u0131nda staj g\u00f6r\u00fcyordu zaten. Oraya g\u00f6nderdiler orada beklediler. Ama ba\u015fka g\u00f6rev verece\u011fiz dediler derken a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa al\u0131nd\u0131 bir anda. Zaten a\u00e7\u0131kta \u00e7ok kalmad\u0131 galiba, bir ay m\u0131 kald\u0131 tam\u00a0 bilemeyece\u011fim. A.\u2019dayd\u0131 o g\u00f6revi, A.’da g\u00f6zalt\u0131na ald\u0131lar. Aniden yani, daha \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken. \u0130hra\u00e7 olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 o zaman. G\u00f6zalt\u0131nda galiba 15 g\u00fcn kald\u0131. Gittik orda ziyarete g\u00f6zalt\u0131ndayken tabi g\u00f6stermiyorlar. Savc\u0131dan izin ald\u0131k. Bir 5 dakika hemen. Demir kap\u0131l\u0131, ter\u00f6rle m\u00fccadele yazan kap\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131nda. (a\u011fl\u0131yor) \u00c7ocu\u011fumu 5 dakika g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Sadece hal hat\u0131r sorduk o kadard\u0131. Hi\u00e7 bir cevap alamad\u0131k da, ne kadar kalacak ne zaman \u00e7\u0131kacak hi\u00e7bir bilgi vermiyorlard\u0131. Ba\u015f\u0131nda polis bekliyor. Sonra orada b\u0131rak\u0131p (memleketimiz) E.\u2019ye d\u00f6nd\u00fck. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc savc\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na ne zaman \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131 belli de\u011fildi orda. Geldik. Birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn sonra baro avukat\u0131 vard\u0131 onunla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck. O bildirdi ne zaman \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 savc\u0131\u00a0 kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na. Ama tabi i\u00e7eri de girebilirdi \u00e7\u0131ka da b\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey belli de\u011fildi. Avukatla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyoruz. Avukat hi\u00e7bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemiyor. Biz bilemiyoruz hukuku. Ne yapacaklar hi\u00e7 belli olmuyor. Gittik, orada bekledik savc\u0131n\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda 3 saat ifadesini ald\u0131lar. Savc\u0131 Hakime g\u00f6nderdi galiba, hat\u0131rlayam\u0131yorum. Sonra oradan \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr b\u0131rakt\u0131lar. G\u00f6zalt\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. \u00c7ok mutlu oldum o kadar \u00e7ok sevindim ki anlatamam. Neyse e\u015fiyle bir yer ayarlam\u0131\u015flard\u0131 orada kalmaya gittiler. Yazl\u0131k gibi bir yer. Oraya gittiler. Biz (memleket) E. \u2019e d\u00f6nd\u00fck.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sonra geldik 1-2 ay sonra tekrar T.’tan \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131lar onu. Gel ifadeni alaca\u011f\u0131z tekrar diye. Konu\u015ftuk. Dedi anne T.\u2019a gidece\u011fim. D\u00f6nerken E.’e u\u011frayaca\u011f\u0131m bir ka\u00e7 g\u00fcn orada kalaca\u011f\u0131m diye konu\u015ftu, dua edin dedi. Hi\u00e7 akl\u0131m\u0131za b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey gelmedi ve ifadesini verip gelmesini bekliyoruz. Onun gibi b\u00fct\u00fcn kaymakaml\u0131ktaki arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 alm\u0131\u015flar tabi bize s\u00f6ylememi\u015f kendisi asl\u0131nda biliyormu\u015f ama durumu o g\u00fcn. T\u2019ta\u00a0 tekrar ifadesini alm\u0131\u015flar ve o g\u00fcn orada tutuklad\u0131lar.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130kinci y\u0131k\u0131m oldu. O arada tabi ihra\u00e7 oldu g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nmadan \u00f6nce.. yani al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun. \u00dcst \u00fcste ona al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun, \u00f6b\u00fcr\u00fc geliyor. Ona al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun bu sefer ba\u015fka bir ac\u0131, ba\u015fka bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131. Biz ihrac oldu\u011funa al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken bu sefer bu oldu. \u00c7ocu\u011fu e\u015fi ald\u0131. Ben anneyim yani o kadar benim ci\u011ferim yand\u0131 ki anlatamam. Dedim ke\u015fke beni alsalar yerine. Hemen babas\u0131 gitti T. Cezaevi nerede bilmiyoruz, karakol nerede bilmiyoruz. Gitti, \u201cBug\u00fcn kapal\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f varm\u0131\u015f.\u201d dedi. Telefon ettik ona g\u00f6re gitti zaten burdan. Sonra geldi bir hafta sonra da a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f varm\u0131\u015f. \u0130\u015fte bir arabayla hepimiz ailecek gittik. T.\u2019dan 40 kilometre falan daha d\u0131\u015far\u0131da cezaevi. Sora sora bulduk.<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe girene kadar bir s\u00fcr\u00fc aramalardan ge\u00e7iyorsun. Bir s\u00fcr\u00fc s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131yorsun. \u00d6\u011flene kadar ka\u00e7 saat orda bekliyorsun, ya\u015fl\u0131s\u0131n. Hadi bizde o kadar s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 yoktu, \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr halimize de. G\u00f6r\u00fcyorduk \u00f6yle olanlar\u0131. G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc yap\u0131yorsun Neyse 40-45 dakika i\u015fte. D\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f daha zor oluyor bizim i\u00e7in. D\u00f6n\u00fcyoruz tekrar \u00f6b\u00fcr g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc bekliyoruz. Her hafta gidemiyoruz uzak 10 saat. Mektupla haberle\u015fmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorduk. Mektup yaz\u0131yoruz o bize, biz ona. O da \u00e7ok zor oldu ba\u015flarda ama al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k, al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun, her \u015feye al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(2)<\/b><\/p>\n

Bir ay oldu ona al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k derken karde\u015fim i\u00e7eri girdi. Karde\u015fimi tutuklad\u0131lar. O da X \u00dcniversitesinde \u00f6\u011fretim \u00fcyesiydi. Tutukland\u0131 tam bir hafta g\u00f6z alt\u0131nda kald\u0131. Y\u0131lba\u015f\u0131yd\u0131. Y\u0131lba\u015f\u0131na bir hafta kala g\u00f6zalt\u0131na ald\u0131lar. Bir de y\u0131lba\u015f\u0131nda M. nin\u00a0 tekrar a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc var ona gidece\u011fiz. Mecburen. Buradaki karde\u015flerimin tabii onunla (erkek karde\u015fimle) ilgileniyorlar. E\u015finin yan\u0131nda olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorlar. O g\u00fcn ifadesi al\u0131nacak. Ne olacak, ne bitecek o g\u00fcn belli olacak. \u0130\u00e7eri mi girecek d\u0131\u015far\u0131 m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kacak. Onlarla konu\u015ftuk dua ettik. Biz yola \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k onlar adliyeye gittiler. Dedik haberimiz olsun sonu\u00e7tan, dua edece\u011fiz. Yolboyu dua ediyoruz. \u00d6yle de gittik yolda galiba d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fte ald\u0131k haberi i\u00e7eri alm\u0131\u015flar. \u00c7o\u011funu i\u00e7eri alm\u0131\u015flar zaten \u00e7ok \u00e7\u0131kan olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 o g\u00fcn. \u00d6yle bir y\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yorsun \u00dcmit ediyorsun. Her \u015feyde \u00fcmitvard\u0131k, umitvar\u0131z yani. \u00c7\u0131kar diye \u00fcmit ediyorduk ama o da \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131. Sonra ona da al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131lar, \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr sa\u011flar. Hep \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr ediyorduk, hep \u015f\u00fckrettik. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131 yan\u0131m\u0131zda, maddi durumlar\u0131 iyi. Cezaevlerinde o kadar zor durumda olanlar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsun ki. Peri\u015fan halde geliyorlar k\u00f6yden, kasabadan.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir m\u00fcddet ge\u00e7tikten sonra ona da al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun ama bu sefer… Onun mahkemesi daha \u00e7ok oldu bir ka\u00e7 ay sonra iddianamesi haz\u0131rland\u0131. Onlar 20-25 ki\u015filerdi. Hepsininki beraber oluyor. Sonra ilk mahkeme oldu. \u0130lk mahkemede bir \u015fey olmad\u0131. 3 ay sonraya m\u0131 4 ay sonra m\u0131 att\u0131lar 2. Mahkeme oldu. \u00dc\u00e7-d\u00f6rt ay bekliyorsun bir mahkemeye \u00e7\u0131kmak i\u00e7in. Onlar i\u00e7erde sen d\u0131\u015farda. \u0130kinci mahkemede yine biz o g\u00fcn de tesad\u00fcf (sehir) T. ‘ta g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f varken oraya gidiyoruz. \u00c7ocuklarla ak\u015fama kadar adliyenin \u00f6n\u00fcnde i\u00e7eride bekledik. Dua ettik e\u015fiyle. Avukat\u0131 ile o i\u00e7erde biz d\u0131\u015far\u0131da kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde. D\u0131\u015far\u0131dan mesajla haberle\u015fiyoruz ne yap\u0131yorlar ne ediyorlar. Sonra bizim otob\u00fcs saati geldi ak\u015fam. Onlara dedik \u201cAllah’a emanet olun, haber verin bize.\u201d Sonra\u00a0 giderken gece yolculu\u011fu yap\u0131yorduk sabah var\u0131yorduk. Sabah \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc 9 bu\u00e7ukta orada olmak zorundas\u0131n i\u00e7eri girebilmek i\u00e7in. 11\u2019de girebilmek i\u00e7in 9 bu\u00e7ukta orada olmak zorundas\u0131n. Gece yolculu\u011fu yap\u0131yoruz, gidiyoruz. Ama akl\u0131m tabi hep E.’de (karde\u015fimde). (\u00c7ocuklar\u0131m) H ve R vard\u0131 yan\u0131mda. H. y\u0131 arad\u0131lar. Sonu\u00e7 belli olmu\u015f saat galiba gece 12 gibiydi. Onun konu\u015fmas\u0131ndan anlad\u0131m. \u00c7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc birden, \u00e7ok. Ne oldu dedim. Dedi day\u0131ma 9 y\u0131l vermi\u015fler. Y\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131m.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Otob\u00fcs\u00fcn i\u00e7inde a\u011flayam\u0131yorsun. \u015eekerim mi d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, tansiyonum mu \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 orada o kadar k\u00f6t\u00fc oldum ki. Ama sabretmek zorundas\u0131n. \u00c7ocuklar vard\u0131 yan\u0131mda \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr. Onlar teselli ettiler, ila\u00e7 falan verdiler. Sonra kendime geldim. Daha girdi\u011fimiz gibi (o\u011flum) onu sordu day\u0131mdan ne haber diye. S\u00f6yledik. Tabi ki o da \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc. Sonra geldik i\u015fte orada g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc yap\u0131yoruz \u00f6\u011fleden sonra tekrar d\u00f6n\u00fcyoruz. Gidi\u015f kolay olurdu da d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f o kadar zor oluyordu ki orada. Hem \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyorsun orda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131na hem v\u00fccut olarak yoruluyorsun, uykusuzsun. Oyle bir sene yatt\u0131 \u00e7ocu\u011fum. Hepimiz birden gidemesek de bir ki\u015fi bir ki\u015fi gidiyorduk hem\u00a0 bizi merak etmesin diye hem biz onu merak ediyorduk g\u00f6relim istiyorduk. 24 Kas\u0131m\u2019da girmi\u015fti, 12 Aral\u0131k\u2019a g\u00fcn verdiler, mahkeme g\u00fcn\u00fc. Ama Aral\u0131k olmadan Ekim. Ekim\u2019de de damad\u0131m. O daha \u00f6nce ihra\u00e7 olmu\u015ftu 1 sene \u00f6nce o da komiserdi. Sonra bir seneye yak\u0131n kendi ailesinin yan\u0131nda kald\u0131lar. Bayramda buraya gelmi\u015flerdi. Ziyaretimize. O zaten ihra\u00e7t\u0131. Buradayken onu da geldiler g\u00f6zalt\u0131na ald\u0131lar.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yani biz (o\u011flum) M \u00e7\u0131ks\u0131n diye dua ederken bakarken. – Zaten bir g\u00fcn g\u00f6zalt\u0131nda kald\u0131. \u00c7ok kalmad\u0131.- Ama zaten \u00e7\u0131kar gibisinden gittik. Onu da ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde adliyenin \u00f6n\u00fcnde bekliyoruz. Acaba \u00e7\u0131kar m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmaz m\u0131. \u0130\u00e7eri giren-\u00e7\u0131kan polislere soruyoruz. Zaten saat 5 ten sonra\u00a0 adliyeden i\u00e7eri alm\u0131yorlar insanlar\u0131. Bizim bir tane 6’ya, 7’ye kadar s\u00fcrd\u00fc, d\u0131\u015far\u0131da karanl\u0131k, ak\u015fam namaz\u0131 ge\u00e7ti. Hani gelen ge\u00e7en herkes evine geliyor. Biz hala orada bekliyoruz. [… ] Giren \u00e7\u0131kan polislerden bir haber almak i\u00e7in filan soruyoruz ne var ne yok, i\u00e7erde nas\u0131l durum \u00e7\u0131kar m\u0131 diye. Onlar tabi haber yok bir \u015fey s\u00f6ylemiyorlar Biz bir \u015fey s\u00f6yleyemeyiz, ifadesi al\u0131n\u0131yor \u015fu anda. \u00c7ok g\u00fczel davrand\u0131lar Allah raz\u0131 olsun. \u00d6yle ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rmad\u0131lar. \u00d6yleleri de vard\u0131 ki hi\u00e7 de\u011fer vermeyen, azarlayanlar da var, su\u00e7lu muamelesi yapanlar da vard\u0131. Sonra i\u015fte orada beklerken birden kap\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. \u00c7\u0131kt\u0131lar elinde ka\u011f\u0131t (damad\u0131m) i\u2019\u0131n, elleri kelep\u00e7eli de\u011fil. Yanlar\u0131nda sivil polismi\u015f onlar, gen\u00e7 onun gibi. Dedim herhalde serbest, tahliye oldu. Ama me\u011fer \u00f6yle de\u011filmi\u015f. Geldi bizi g\u00f6r\u00fcnce, o da bekledi\u011fimizden haberi yokmu\u015f d\u0131\u015farda. Zaten tabi haber hi\u00e7 vermiyorlar i\u00e7eriye. Birden bizi g\u00f6r\u00fcnce duyguland\u0131. Burada m\u0131s\u0131n\u0131z deyip sar\u0131ld\u0131. Hakk\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 helal edin dedi. Onu da g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(3)<\/b><\/p>\n

Art\u0131k o kadar yoruldum ki. O \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fc oldu. Sar\u0131ld\u0131. E\u015fine sar\u0131ld\u0131, bize sar\u0131ld\u0131. El sallayarak gitti. Biz de zannettik A. ya g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyorlar. A\u2019dayd\u0131 \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ana g\u00f6revi. Dedi E. \u2019e gidiyorum deyince orda sanki b\u00f6yle hani k\u00f6t\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7inde iyi derler ya, orda biraz sevindik. Iyi dedik hadi E.. Gitmesi gelmesi kolay olur A. bizim i\u00e7in daha zor olacakt\u0131 tabi (e\u015fi) R. da \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in. Sonra el sallad\u0131 gitti. Biz de arabam\u0131za bindik. Geldik i\u015fte. \u00c7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fck, \u00e7ok a\u011flad\u0131k ama hi\u00e7 isyan etmedik. Rabb’im sen her\u015feyi g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsun dedik onlar\u0131n su\u00e7suz oldu\u011funu biz de biliyoruz Rabbim de biliyor. Su\u00e7suzlard\u0131, hi\u00e7bir \u015f\u00fcphemiz yoktu su\u00e7lu olmadigina zerre kadar \u015f\u00fcphe etmedik. Yanl\u0131\u015f yolda de\u011fillerdi. Hi\u00e7bir zaman \u015f\u00fcphe etmedim. Hep \u015f\u00fckrettim, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m.. Ne diyece\u011fimi bilemiyorum. (a\u011fl\u0131yor) Sonra onu da g\u00f6nderdik.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben hep dua ediyordum. Rabb’im sen her\u015feyi biliyorsun Sen istesen bunlar\u0131n hi\u00e7birisine dokunamazlar izin vermezsin. Demek ki bizim de burada bir imtihan\u0131m\u0131z var. Ne bileyim s\u00f6zler bulam\u0131yorum anlatmaya. Kelimeler bulam\u0131yorum hep \u015f\u00fckrettim hep dua ettim. Bunlar \u00e7ok g\u00fczel kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131za \u00e7\u0131kacak bu ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n hem orada hem ahirette buna inan\u0131yoruz. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr iyi ki b\u00f6yle ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f\u0131z, iyi ki bunlar\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcz. Ben raz\u0131y\u0131m hi\u00e7 \u015fikayet\u00e7i de\u011filim ama bu zalimlere de bunlar\u0131 yapanlara da soraca\u011f\u0131m iki ellerim yakalar\u0131nda. Onlar\u0131 da affetmeyece\u011fim kesinlikle. Onlar ve onlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda olanlar\u0131 anne olarak affetmeyece\u011fim. Beddua \u00e7ok etmiyorum Rabbim her \u015feyi biliyor, her \u015feyi g\u00f6r\u00fcyor, O biliyor ne yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131. O bizden daha iyi biliyor. Bizi de bizden daha iyi biliyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yava\u015f yava\u015f ona da al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Onun yoklu\u011funa da al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Sonra zaten Ekim\u2019de girdi o. Aral\u0131k 12\u2019de de o\u011flumun mahkemesi vard\u0131. Ilk mahkemesi. \u00dcmit ediyoruz \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131 i\u00e7in, \u00fcmit ediyoruz, o kadar da korkuyoruz yani \u00e7\u0131kmaya da bilir. Avukatla da g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyoruz. Hani daha \u00f6nce o \u015fekilde olanlar, hi\u00e7 belli olmuyor. Hani \u00e7\u0131kanlar da var \u00e7\u0131kmayanlar da var. Ama hep dua ettik. Gitti\u011fimizde de hep diyordu M. \u201cAnne dua edin kesinlikle i\u00e7im rahat.\u201d \u0130\u00e7im o kadar rahat ki ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 \u00f6ne e\u011fmeyin, sak\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fclmeyin. Biz iyiyiz burada. Siz \u00fcz\u00fclmeyin hep b\u00f6yle bize teselli veriyordu, moral veriyordu. Bu g\u00fcnler ge\u00e7ecek in\u015fallah. Hepsi i\u00e7erde yani karde\u015fim olsun, o\u011flum olsun, damad\u0131m olsun bu kadar moralleri y\u00fcksek ve o kadar her \u015feyin bilincindeler ki. Allah hepsinden raz\u0131 olsun, Allah hepsini korusun in\u015fallah. Ama tabii orada \u00f6yle i\u00e7erde rahat olunca biz de d\u0131\u015far\u0131da daha rahat oluyoruz. Hani \u015fikayet hi\u00e7 etmiyorlar. Bak bu mahkeme g\u00fcn\u00fc geliyor mektubunda bile \u00f6yle yaz\u0131yor. C\u0131kmam\u0131z hay\u0131rl\u0131 de\u011filse \u00e7\u0131kmayal\u0131m Rabb’im her \u015feyi bizden daha iyi biliyor diye yaz\u0131yorlar hepsi de. Inan \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcne de mektup yaz\u0131yorum, gitti\u011fimde de konu\u015fuyoruz, \u00fc\u00e7\u00fc de \u00f6yle diyor o kadar mutluyum ki, o kadar \u015fansl\u0131y\u0131m ki b\u00f6yle evlatlar, karde\u015f, damat verdi Rabbim bize. Allah raz\u0131 olsun hepsinden. Mahkeme g\u00fcn\u00fc i\u015fte geldi. Hep dua ettik, gece g\u00fcnd\u00fcz. Karde\u015flerim hep yan\u0131mda oldu Allah raz\u0131 olsun. \u00c7ok akraba, \u00e7ok tan\u0131d\u0131k var ama i\u015fte bu s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131larda herkes belli oldu. Hi\u00e7 aramayan, sormayan o kadar \u00e7ok var ki. Ama olsun diyorum onlar bilmiyorlar. Bizim ne ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 da bilmiyorlar. Onlar fark\u0131nda de\u011filler hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin. Rabbim bizden sormas\u0131n. Ben yine onlara k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131m, k\u0131rg\u0131n\u0131m ama yine de onlar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131na b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey gelse onlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda olurum, olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131m. \u00d6yle bir \u015fey ya\u015farlarsa ancak onlar anlayacaklar bizi\u00a0 \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Mahkeme g\u00fcn\u00fcnde i\u015fte \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr geldi karde\u015flerim burada bize geldiler. Topland\u0131k ak\u015fama kadar dua. Sonra aniden bir telefon geldi tahliye diye o kadar mutlu olduk, o kadar sevindik ki o anda. Sevindik ama sevinemiyorsun \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc di\u011ferleri i\u00e7eride ve o kadar \u00e7ok var ki i\u00e7erde tan\u0131d\u0131k tan\u0131mad\u0131k. Sevinmeye utan\u0131yorsun. Tan\u0131d\u0131klardan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 demeye \u00e7ekiniyorsun. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc onlar\u0131nkiler i\u00e7erde. Bizimkiler gene erkekler. Bir de bayanlardan i\u00e7eride olanlar var. Orda cezaevlerinde g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsun onlar\u0131. \u00c7ok yak\u0131n\u0131m\u0131zda olanlar da var. Onlar uzaktalar. G\u00f6remiyoruz farkl\u0131 ilde olunca. Orada \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131 getiriyorlar. Anne baban\u0131n ikisi de i\u00e7erde. Zaten belli \u00e7ocuk durumundan, g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnden. Onlar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce insan her \u015feyden utan\u0131yor. \u015eikayet\u00e7i olmaya utan\u0131yorsun. O \u00e7ocuklar, hani baz\u0131lar\u0131 ailede destek\u00e7i olanlar \u00e7ok g\u00fczel bak\u0131l\u0131yor, sahip \u00e7\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yor. Ama baz\u0131lar\u0131 da var ki peri\u015fan, \u00fcst\u00fcnden ba\u015f\u0131ndan belli. Ne yaps\u0131n ailede de \u00e7ok yok belki. Onlar insan\u0131n i\u00e7in \u00e7ok ac\u0131t\u0131yor. Yard\u0131mc\u0131 olam\u0131yorsunuz. Hangi birine yard\u0131mc\u0131 olacaks\u0131n, zaten sen de ma\u011fdursun.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Duadan ba\u015fka yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yok. Cezaevine gittim yine g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe. (Karde\u015fim) \u00e7ok metanetli g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu ma\u015fallah. G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck, konu\u015ftuk. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr iyiyim diyor hep. \u00c7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z g\u00fcn\u00fc bekliyoruz diyor. Dua edin diyor. Dua istiyorlar ba\u015fka bizden hi\u00e7bir \u015fey istemiyorlar zaten. Sadece dua edin o kadar. \u201cBiz de iyiyiz.\u201d diyorlar hep. Hep \u201cbiz de iyiyiz.\u201d Biz onlara diyoruz siz iyiyseniz biz de iyiyiz, onlar bize diyorlar siz iyi iseniz biz de iyiyiz. Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 b\u00f6yle. Hi\u00e7 merak etme \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n, esin hepsi \u00e7ok iyiler d\u0131\u015far\u0131da. Hep yan\u0131nday\u0131z. O da hep biliyorum diyor. Allah raz\u0131 olsun diyor. Yan\u0131m\u0131zda oldu\u011funu biliyorum, i\u00e7im rahat\u00a0 zaten diyor. \u00d6yle olunca daha rahat oluyor insan, Sadece \u00f6zlem var, ba\u015fka bizde de bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 yok diyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(4)<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr \u015eimdi 5 Nisan’da da nasip olursa i\u015fte mahkemesi var, ilk mahkemesi. \u015eimdi ona odakland\u0131k. Gene mektup yazm\u0131\u015f hay\u0131rl\u0131s\u0131 neyse onu nasip etsin, Rabbim i\u00e7erde kalmak bizim i\u00e7in hay\u0131rl\u0131ysa kalal\u0131m, de\u011filse in\u015fallah \u00e7\u0131kal\u0131m diye. \u0130nan \u00f6yle yazm\u0131\u015f. Bu bizi rahatlat\u0131yor tabi. Hani i\u00e7erde de olsalar raz\u0131lar d\u0131\u015far\u0131da olsalar raz\u0131lar. Rabb’ime teslim olmu\u015flar onlar. Bilmiyorum onlar \u00e7ok de\u011fi\u015fik bir insan olmu\u015flar. Zaten 3 aylar\u0131 tutmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015flar. D\u0131\u015far\u0131da bu olmuyor biliyorsun. D\u0131\u015far\u0131da bir ko\u015fturma, ne bileyim ama i\u015ftir g\u00fc\u00e7t\u00fcr. \u0130\u00e7erdeki ibadet (d\u0131\u015far\u0131da) m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil.<\/span><\/p>\n

Zaten Per\u015fembe, Pazartesileri normalde tutuyorlard\u0131. \u015eimdi \u00fc\u00e7 aylar gelince ona ba\u015flam\u0131\u015flar. Allah kabul etsin hepsininkini in\u015fallah. Oradaki ya\u015fant\u0131 \u00e7ok g\u00fczel. Baz\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar da oluyor ama i\u015fte dedi\u011fim gibi sabrediyorlar. \u0130n\u015fallah Allah onlara ahirette de s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 vermesin. \u015eimdilik akl\u0131ma gelenler bu kadar.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(5)\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

[Answers to questions]<\/span><\/p>\n

(O\u011flum hapse) Girdi\u011finde zaten (torunum) 1 ya\u015f\u0131nda filand\u0131. \u0130\u015fte hani bilmiyordu. Tabi ilk a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe getiremedi e\u015fi, o zaman k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in. \u0130..’de kal\u0131yor ailesinin yan\u0131nda, cok uzakt\u0131. 15 saat falan s\u00fcr\u00fcyor yolculuk ve 15 saat otob\u00fcste 1 ya\u015f\u0131nda bir \u00e7ocu\u011fu oyalamak biliyorsun \u00e7ok zor. \u0130lk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe getirmedi. \u0130kinci g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe u\u00e7ak filan ara\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131k. S.\u2019a (o\u011flunun cezaevine 1 saat uzakl\u0131kta bir \u015fehir) u\u00e7ak varm\u0131\u015f I.\u2019den. Bir g\u00fcn \u00f6nceden gelmesi laz\u0131m. Ayn\u0131 g\u00fcn gelse yeti\u015femez. Sabah 9 bu\u00e7ukta orada olmas\u0131 gerekir. Biz buradan gittik S. ‘a orada \u00f6\u011fretmenevinden yer ayarlad\u0131k. Onlar da oradan geldiler. Kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131k biz babas\u0131yla. Orada kald\u0131k 1 g\u00fcn. U\u00e7aktan kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131k, bir araba kiralad\u0131k sonra oradan, mevsim de k\u0131\u015f, o kadar so\u011fuk ki S.. Kar k\u0131\u015f. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr kazas\u0131z belas\u0131z bir saat falan al\u0131yoruz S. ‘tan. Cezaevine gittik. Orada i\u015fte ilk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmesi o zaman oldu. Bir ya\u015f\u0131n\u0131 2 ay ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Babas\u0131n\u0131 unutmu\u015f. Bir 3 ay ge\u00e7ti. Hemen M. gitti sar\u0131ld\u0131. B\u00f6yle babas\u0131n\u0131n kuca\u011f\u0131nda \u015f\u00f6yle geriye \u00e7ekildi. Babas\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcne bak\u0131yor b\u00f6yle. Tam tan\u0131yamad\u0131 herhalde. Arada bir \u00e7ekiyor kendini, a\u011flam\u0131yor da. Sonra biraz biraz zaman ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e, 40-45\u00a0 dakika filan s\u00fcr\u00fcyor g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f, sonra al\u0131\u015ft\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sonra bu sefer de ayr\u0131l\u0131rken sar\u0131l\u0131p a\u011fl\u0131yor ayr\u0131lmamak i\u00e7in, oyalad\u0131k i\u015fte. Ben sana \u015funu alaca\u011f\u0131m, ona g\u00f6t\u00fcrece\u011fim. \u0130\u015fte \u00f6yle sonra ikinci ve \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc de unutmam\u0131\u015f. Ondan sonra a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe getirdi sa\u011folsun. U\u00e7akla ayn\u0131 g\u00fcn gece yolculu\u011fu yapt\u0131lar. Bu sefer sabah giderken u\u00e7ak varm\u0131\u015f. \u0130\u015fte onlar\u0131 filan \u00f6\u011freniyorsun zamanla. Ama gece oradan oraya aktarmal\u0131 \u0130stanbul’a gidiyor. \u0130stanbul da 2 saat 3 saat havaalan\u0131nda \u00e7ocukla bekliyor. Oradan tekrar u\u00e7a\u011f\u0131 S. ‘a iniyor veya T. a da indi\u011fi oluyor. Hangi havaalan\u0131 uygunsa orada. Servis geliyor kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnden ge\u00e7iyor. Cezaevinin orada iniyordu. Biz orada oluyorduk zaten. Geceden gidiyorduk, kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131yordu. G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ften sonra \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca oradan bindiriyorduk, u\u011furluyorduk. Biz bu tarafa, o o tarafa \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 oluyordu. Yani ama en kolay dedi\u011fim gibi bizimki. Daha o kadar \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 olanlar var, cok uzaklardan gelenler var T\u00fcrkiye’nin d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131ndan. Yani yol, iz bilmeyenler var. Onlar i\u00e7in \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131. Maddi durumu iyi olmayan var. Bir gidi\u015f geli\u015f mesela, biz iki ki\u015fi gidip gelmemiz 400-500 (TL) buluyordu. O da tabii maddi durumu iyi olmayanlar i\u00e7in \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131. Bir de oraya yatan \u00e7ocuk i\u00e7in (para) yat\u0131r\u0131yorsun. Orada kantinden al\u0131\u015fveri\u015f yaps\u0131n. \u0130htiyac\u0131n\u0131 als\u0131n diye. \u00d6zel ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131 oluyor yani. Meyvedir \u015fudur, budur. \u00d6yle \u015feyleri kantinden al\u0131yorlar mesela. D\u0131\u015far\u0131dan \u00e7ok alm\u0131yorlar. Oraya da para yat\u0131r\u0131yorsun.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ge\u00e7ti bir sene \u00f6yle. Git gel, git gel, git gel… \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr yine bir sene. Daha \u00e7ok gidip gelenler var. Hala yatanlar var arkada\u015flar\u0131ndan. \u00c7\u0131kmayanlar var. Dedi\u011fim gibi herkes kendi \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131na de\u011fil de b\u00f6yle genel olarak \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fc. Bug\u00fcn her \u015fey genel olarak ya\u015fan\u0131yor. \u015eu anda bireysel de\u011fil. Ama o da bitecek in\u015fallah. Herkeste ger\u00e7ekten bir sab\u0131r, bir teslimiyet. Olmayanlar da vard\u0131r belki ama ben kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmad\u0131m hani. Benim kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m insanlar \u00e7o\u011funlukla \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr bilin\u00e7li insanlar. Hepsi sab\u0131rla bekliyorlar. \u00c7ocuklar \u00e7ok \u00fczg\u00fcn tabi. Yani kolay de\u011fil orada kavu\u015funca biz sevin\u00e7 ama ayr\u0131l\u0131kta da bi o kadar kadar\u00a0 h\u00fcz\u00fcn oluyor. Ya\u015fl\u0131lar var. Bastonla gelenler var. Orada bay\u0131lanlar oluyor ayr\u0131l\u0131rken dayanamay\u0131p. Bay\u0131lanlar\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fck yani. \u00c7ok de\u011fi\u015fik \u015feyler ya\u015fan\u0131yor. Ya\u015fand\u0131. Devam da ediyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(6)<\/b><\/p>\n

E\u015fim de g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nd\u0131. Eve geldiler. Sabah namaza gitmi\u015fti e\u015fim. Ben de namaz\u0131 k\u0131ld\u0131m, evde kald\u0131m, daha yatmad\u0131m. E\u015fim de yeni gelmi\u015fti. Zil \u00e7ald\u0131. Saat i\u015fte yediyi ge\u00e7iyordu. Zaten birka\u00e7 ki\u015fi ismini vermi\u015f. Dernek vard\u0131. Dernek ba\u015fkan\u0131yd\u0131. Yani her \u015feyi yasal olarak emeklilerin gitti\u011fi bir yer. Dernek de bunun \u00fcst\u00fcneydi, izinli. Her \u015feyi kanunlara, yasalara uygun bir \u015fey. Ama birka\u00e7 arkada\u015f\u0131n\u0131n ifadelerini alm\u0131\u015flar daha \u00f6nce. Uyard\u0131lar M. Abi senin\u00a0 ismin ge\u00e7iyor. Senin ismini mecburen verdik. Dernek ba\u015fkan\u0131s\u0131n orada ne yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 soruyorlar filan diye. Haberimiz vard\u0131 yani. Biz de bug\u00fcnlerde yani bekliyorduk zaten gelebilirler diye. Biz zil \u00e7al\u0131nca zaten, onlar\u0131n oldu\u011funu tahmin ettik. Kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131k. Zaten yukar\u0131 kap\u0131ya kadar gelmi\u015fler. A\u015fa\u011f\u0131dan kom\u015fulara ara\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015flar. A\u015fa\u011f\u0131dan zile bas\u0131nca bir yerlere ka\u00e7arlar diye mi neyse a\u015fa\u011f\u0131dan kom\u015fulara a\u00e7t\u0131r\u0131yorlar. B\u00fct\u00fcn k\u0131zlar burada. \u00c7ocuklar da var. Herkes, kimisi yat\u0131yor, kimisi kalkt\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dedik ki m\u00fcsaade edin toparlanal\u0131m. Yok dediler i\u00e7eri girelim, antrede bekleyelim. \u00d6yle d\u0131\u015far\u0131da kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde filan beklemeyi kabul etmediler. Kap\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k zaten. Buyurun o zaman dedim. Mutfak bo\u015ftu. Oras\u0131 oda gibi bizim Buyrun buras\u0131 m\u00fcsait dedim. Girdiler 4-5 ki\u015filerdi. Bir tanesi bayan. Ayaktalar zaten hi\u00e7 oturmuyorlar. Hemen toparland\u0131k. Yataklar\u0131 toparlad\u0131k. Dedim \u201cBa\u015flay\u0131n, buradan ba\u015flayabilirsiniz.\u201d dedim. Ondan sonra ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Bayan yatak odalar\u0131n\u0131, k\u0131zlar\u0131n odas\u0131n\u0131, bizim oday\u0131 arad\u0131. Di\u011ferleri de\u00a0 salonu, mutfa\u011f\u0131, antreleri arad\u0131lar. Herkesi bizimkinden farkl\u0131 ar\u0131yorlarm\u0131\u015f Bizimkine o kadar detayl\u0131 aramad\u0131lar. \u00c7ekmecelere falan bakt\u0131lar ama yani \u00f6yle kitap aralar\u0131, tencere i\u00e7leri o kadar aramad\u0131lar. Arad\u0131lar bir \u015fey yok zaten. Bulamad\u0131lar bir \u015fey.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(o\u011flum) H.. Askere gidecekti iki g\u00fcn sonra. O da Askere gitmeden \u00f6nce bir day\u0131nla I. Abiye mektup yazay\u0131m ust\u00fcmde haklar\u0131 var helalleseyim diye. Birisine yazd\u0131 sehpan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne koydu. Hemen onu ald\u0131lar okudular. Sonra dediler: Bunu kim yazd\u0131? Kime yazd\u0131? Neden? Zaten biliyorlar yani. (o\u011flum) M. in de girip \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyorlar. Hani her \u015feyi biliyorlar. H. de eni\u015ftesine \u201cabi\u201d diyor ya. I\u015fte abi \u015f\u00f6yle, abi b\u00f6yle. \u201cKim bu abi?\u201d dediler. Dedik ki: b\u00f6yle b\u00f6yle askere gidecek. Mektup yazd\u0131. Onun foto\u011fraf\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ektiler g\u00f6nderdiler. Nereye g\u00f6nderdiler\u00a0 bilmiyorum. Sonra ba\u015fka bir \u015fey bulamad\u0131lar. Yani telefonlar zaten benim telefonum da e\u015fiminki de ikisi de tu\u015flu telefon, eski modellerden. Onlara bakt\u0131lar. Yok dediler, bunlara gerek yok. Almad\u0131lar. Bir \u015fey almad\u0131lar. 3 tane laptop var. Bunlar kimin? Hepsi \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n birer tane. Onlara da dokunmad\u0131lar sa\u011folsunlar. Ben dedim zaten. Ben de kullanm\u0131yorum M. Abin de kullanm\u0131yor. \u00d6yle internettir, laptoptur. Sonra i\u015fte \u201chaz\u0131rlan\u201d dediler. \u201c\u00c7antana \u00e7ama\u015f\u0131r filan al gidiyoruz.\u201d \u0130\u015fte al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k ya art\u0131k zaten. \u0130\u015fte ka\u00e7\u0131nc\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131yoruz. Koyduk bir \u015feyler. Sonra helalle\u015ftik. Sar\u0131ld\u0131, \u201cAllah’a emanetsiniz.\u201d dedi, gitti. Onu da g\u00f6nderdik.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

En kolay tabi buydu. Arkas\u0131nda k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7ocu\u011fu yok, yeni evli de\u011fil, arkas\u0131nda \u00f6yle e\u015fi yok. (K\u0131z\u0131m) R. \u00e7ok a\u011flad\u0131 e\u015finin arkas\u0131ndan. Neyse. Biz al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k ya art\u0131k. Biraz a\u011flad\u0131k, \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fck. Sonra kalk\u0131n dedim yapacak bir \u015fey yok. Rabbim b\u00fcy\u00fck. Rabbim kavu\u015fturur bir yola. Hadi herkes i\u015fine. Ondan sonra gittiler i\u015fine, \u00f6b\u00fcr\u00fc de okula gitti. Sonra arad\u0131k \u015fubeyi. Nerde? Nereye g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler? Ne zaman al\u0131nacak ifadesi? Gittik (o\u011flum) H. ile arabaya binip. Oradan hi\u00e7bir bilgi alamad\u0131k. \u201cEmniyet m\u00fcd\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler.\u201d dediler. Oraya gittik sorduk. \u201cTamam burada.\u201d dediler. Ama \u00e7ama\u015f\u0131r filan g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fck ama almad\u0131lar. \u201cBurada sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131, s\u0131hhati iyi ama g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcremeyiz. Bilgi veremeyiz.\u201d deyip bizi g\u00f6nderdiler, d\u00f6nd\u00fck. Hafta sonu ile zaten Cumartesi, Pazar ge\u00e7ti. Pazar arad\u0131k tekrar. Bize bir telefon numaras\u0131 verdiler. Buradan bilgi alabilirsiniz diye. Telefon ettik pazar g\u00fcn\u00fc. Biz dedik; herhalde art\u0131k Pazar g\u00fcn\u00fc ifade almazlar Pazartesi\u2019ye kal\u0131r. Telefon ettik. Bunun karakol ifadesi oluyor sonra adliyeye savc\u0131, savc\u0131dan sonra hakim. Orada da o anda ifadesi karakolda al\u0131n\u0131yormu\u015f. Haberimiz yok bizim. Avukat\u0131 telefonu ald\u0131. Ona da baro avukat veriyor. O s\u0131rada avukat\u0131n\u0131 da bilmiyoruz. Avukat arad\u0131; dedi \u201cAbla \u015fu anda ifade veriyoruz. Ben sizi arayaca\u011f\u0131m bittikten sonra.\u201d Sonra Allah raz\u0131 olsun avukat\u0131 da \u00e7ok iyi birisiymi\u015f. \u00c7ok g\u00fczel ilgilendi, paral\u0131 avukat gibi ilgilendi Allah raz\u0131 olsun. 3-4 saat orada ifade vermi\u015fler. Avukat yan\u0131nda 200 ki\u015fiyi filan sormu\u015flar. \u015eunu tan\u0131yor musun, bunu tan\u0131yor musun? Az sonra o g\u00fcn orada ifadesini alm\u0131\u015flar, sonra adliyeye. \u201cErtesi g\u00fcn de adliyeye \u00e7\u0131kacak.\u201d dedi avukat. Yani \u201cYar\u0131n saat on bu\u00e7ukta adliyede olacak.\u201d dedi. Biz de hemen sabah kalkt\u0131k haz\u0131rland\u0131k (o\u011flum) H ile. \u00d6b\u00fcrleri biri okulda biri i\u015fte onlar gelemiyorlar. Orada bizim gitti\u011fimiz de savc\u0131 ifadesini alm\u0131\u015f. Hemen avukat\u0131 arad\u0131k. Avukat geldi yan\u0131m\u0131za. \u201cBak simdi \u015furadan ge\u00e7ecek.\u201d dedi. Ben rica ettim dedi konu\u015ftururlar m\u0131 ama bilmiyorum dedi. Asl\u0131nda oradan ge\u00e7erken \u00f6yle konu\u015fmak yasakm\u0131\u015f. Ama dedi siz \u015furada bekleyin. Buradan ge\u00e7ecek M. Abi dedi. Bekledik biraz. Ger\u00e7ekten 5 dakika falan bekledik, bir yan\u0131nda polis geliyor. Hemen bizi g\u00f6r\u00fcnce o da tabii sevindi. Ne yap\u0131yorsun, ne ediyorsun? \u201c\u0130yiyim \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr, merak etmeyin.\u201d dedi. Polis de Allah raz\u0131 olsun 2 dakika m\u00fcsaade etti de orada g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMerak etmeyin beni, ben iyiyim, ifademi verdim.\u201d dedi. \u0130\u015fte onlardan hemen bir yere ortak salon gibi bir yer var. Oraya sokuyorlar ifadesi verileni. 6-7 ki\u015filerdi bunlar. Biz de iyiyiz. Sen de merak etme. Onu oraya ald\u0131lar. Biz orada bekledik. Tabii di\u011fer arkada\u015flar\u0131 var. Orda\u00a0 baya\u011f\u0131 bi bekledik. Sonra savc\u0131 alm\u0131\u015f ifadesini biz savc\u0131dan sonra g\u00f6rd\u00fck savc\u0131 tutuklulu\u011funun karar\u0131ni taleb ediyormu\u015f. Savc\u0131 hakime y\u00f6nlendirmi\u015f. Asl\u0131nda orada istese serbest de b\u0131rakabiliyor ama b\u0131rakmam\u0131\u015f hi\u00e7birini. Orada bekledik. Biz orada bekliyoruz koridoru kapatt\u0131lar iki taraf\u0131n\u0131. 5-6 ki\u015fiyi getirdiler oraya oturttular. Zaten hepsi belli bir ya\u015f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde. Dedim ya emekliler. Emekliler Derne\u011fi yani. Orada Kuran \u00f6\u011freniyorlar, sohbet ediyor, muhabbet ediyorlar. Ba\u015fka sosyal aktiviteler var masa tenisi gibi. Onlar\u0131 yap\u0131yorlar. \u00d6yle bir dernekti yani emeklilerin oyalanabilece\u011fi bir yer.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hepsi sakall\u0131, ya\u015flar\u0131 altm\u0131\u015f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde insanlar. E\u015fleri, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 hepimiz oraday\u0131z. Oturttular hepsini. Dediler sakin konu\u015fmay\u0131n da i\u015faret falan yapmay\u0131n, ta\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131k yapmay\u0131n. Biz de zaten \u00f6yle bir \u015fey yok. Bunlar di\u011fer su\u00e7lular gibi zannediyorlar. Oraya oturdular. Kar\u015f\u0131dan bizi de s\u0131rayla tekrar i\u00e7eriden i\u00e7eriye ald\u0131lar. Hakim bu sefer ifade al\u0131yor ama i\u00e7eriye ald\u0131klar\u0131 kap\u0131dan d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131yorlar. Ba\u015fka kap\u0131dan \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131yorlarm\u0131\u015f. Ba\u015fka yere g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyorlarm\u0131\u015f. Biz de zannediyoruz ki, i\u00e7eride bekliyorlar. Hani birbirlerini g\u00f6rmemeleri i\u00e7in. \u0130\u00e7erden \u00e7\u0131kan d\u0131\u015far\u0131y\u0131 g\u00f6rmesin, d\u0131\u015far\u0131daki de i\u00e7eridekileri diye. Birbirlerine g\u00f6stermiyorlar. Sonra bekledi ki hepsi bitti. Tekrar arka kap\u0131dan getirdiler. Oraya oturttular. Sonra hakim \u015fimdi karar\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131klayacak dediler. Herkesin avukat\u0131 da oralarda. Haber getiriyorlar bizlere. Sonra karar ani dediler. B\u00fct\u00fcn avukatlarla beraber tekrar ge\u00e7tiler. Bunlar hepsi birden art\u0131k son karar verilecek. B\u00fct\u00fcn hepimiz zaten orada yani y\u00fcre\u011fimiz a\u011fz\u0131m\u0131zda. Acaba ne olacak? Acaba kim girecek, kim kalacak, kim \u00e7\u0131kacak?\u00a0 \u00d6yle tedirgin bekliyoruz. Dua ediyoruz. Sonra i\u00e7eriye girdiler. \u00c7ok s\u00fcrmedi. Hemen 5 dakika ya s\u00fcrd\u00fc ya s\u00fcrmedi o kadar. Zaten hakim toplu olarak karar vermi\u015f. Allah raz\u0131 olsun ondan da Rabbim yolunu a\u00e7\u0131k etsin hepsine tahliye karar\u0131 verdi. Hepsi birden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Bir \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k att\u0131 orada bekleyen gen\u00e7ler vard\u0131 tabii. O kadar sevindik ki; herkes birbirine sar\u0131l\u0131yor, birbirini kucakl\u0131yor. Orada sadece bizler de\u011fil yani bizim yan\u0131m\u0131zda olmak isteyenler de vard\u0131 yani bize destek olmak isteyen arkada\u015flar. G\u00fczel oldu oras\u0131. \u00c7ok mutlu oldu herkes. Birka\u00e7 tanesi girip, birka\u00e7 tanesi kalsayd\u0131 \u00e7ok zor olacakt\u0131. \u00dcz\u00fcc\u00fc olacakt\u0131. \u00c7ok sevindik. Herkes ald\u0131 e\u015fini, babas\u0131n\u0131 ald\u0131. Evine d\u00f6nd\u00fc. Bunlar\u0131 art\u0131k bilmiyorum belli bir ya\u015f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde olduklar\u0131 i\u00e7in mi b\u00f6yle davrand\u0131lar. Gen\u00e7lere \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fc davran\u0131yorlar. Daha kuralci, daha k\u00f6t\u00fc davran\u0131yorlar. Ama bunlar asl\u0131nda bilmiyorlar ki evde \u00e7ocuklar\u0131, e\u015fleri bekliyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(7)<\/b><\/p>\n

Son olarak bunu ya\u015fad\u0131k. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr. Geldim \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr namaz\u0131 k\u0131ld\u0131m. Sevinemiyorsun da \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bir \u00e7ok \u00e7ocuk i\u00e7erde insanlar. Ke\u015fke hepsi bizimkiler gibi olsa. Di\u011fer gen\u00e7ler tam \u00e7al\u0131\u015facak dinamik ya\u015flar\u0131, \u00e7a\u011flar\u0131 i\u00e7erde ge\u00e7iyor. Tabii ki onda da vard\u0131r bir hikmet. Yani bize \u00f6yle gibi geliyor ama onlar da in\u015fallah ahiretleri i\u00e7in \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorlar. Buna inan\u0131yoruz \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr. Oras\u0131 daha \u00f6nemli. Buras\u0131 \u00f6yle de ge\u00e7iyor b\u00f6yle de ge\u00e7iyor. \u015eimdi art\u0131k bunlar\u0131n hepsinin iddianamesi haz\u0131rlanacak demi\u015fler. O g\u00fcne kadar serbestsiniz. Tabii yine iddianame haz\u0131rlan\u0131yor. Mahkeme ne oldu\u011funu bilemeyiz tabi \u00f6yle da ilk mahkeme olup al\u0131nanlar da var. Veya ikinci mahkemede al\u0131nanlar var. Bu yani hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin garantisi yok. \u015eimdi (o\u011flum) M. \u2019in Haziran\u2019da mahkemesi var. Tekrar o da ne olur bilmiyorum. Allah’a emanet.<\/span><\/p>\n

En son dedi\u011fim gibi; hem \u00fcmit ediyorum hem korkuyorum. Ama tabii her \u015feyin Rabbim en g\u00fczelini biliyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(Erkek karde\u015fimin) \u00c7ocuklar\u0131 var tabii iki tane o\u011flu var. Bir tanesi bu sene \u00fcniversiteye ba\u015flayacakt\u0131, bu sebepten \u00e7ocuk istedi\u011fi puan\u0131 alamad\u0131, istedi\u011fi gibi \u00e7al\u0131\u015famad\u0131. Babas\u0131 olmay\u0131nca bu sene tekrar haz\u0131rlan\u0131yor ama yine \u00e7ok \u00fcmitli de\u011fil. Bilmiyorum yani \u00e7ocuk \u00e7al\u0131\u015fam\u0131yor, kafas\u0131n\u0131 veremiyor. Asl\u0131nda \u00e7ok zeki \u00e7ocuk, s\u0131n\u0131f birincisi olan bir \u00e7ocuk, derece getiren bir \u00e7ocuk ama maalesef \u015fu anda b\u00f6yle. \u0130n\u015fallah Rabb’im yard\u0131m eder de bu s\u0131navda istedi\u011fi bir yer olur hay\u0131rl\u0131s\u0131yla. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck 5. S\u0131n\u0131fta. Babas\u0131n\u0131n durumunu bilmiyor. S\u00f6ylememi\u015ftik. Babas\u0131n\u0131n cezaevindeki insanlara ders verdi\u011fini biliyor. \u0130lk girdi\u011finde \u00f6yle s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftik. \u00d6yle anlatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k. Babana \u00e7ok orada ihtiya\u00e7 varm\u0131\u015f. Orada \u00e7al\u0131\u015facak bir s\u00fcre i\u015fte \u00e7ok para veriyorlar falan. O da buna inand\u0131. Yavrum \u015fimdi her gitti\u011finde -kapal\u0131lara zaten hi\u00e7 g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u00fcyor onu da sadece a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fleri g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyor.- \u201cBaba ne zaman geleceksin? Baba yeter art\u0131k \u00e7\u0131k. Kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131n para yeter art\u0131k. Gel art\u0131k ben \u00f6zledim seni art\u0131k.\u201d Daha ihtiyac\u0131m oluyor. \u0130\u015fte hep b\u00f6yle ge\u00e7i\u015ftiriyor babas\u0131; gelece\u011fim o\u011flum biraz daha sabret. Biraz daha paraya ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z var. Onu da hep b\u00f6yle oyal\u0131yorlar. 9 y\u0131l\u0131 vermeden \u00f6nce hep b\u00f6yle \u00fcmitle bekliyorsun i\u015fte. Ama g\u00fcn verildikten sonra beklemek daha zor oluyor. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc art\u0131k g\u00fcn\u00fc vermi\u015fler. Yani bir \u015feyin kalm\u0131yor. Yani Allah’tan \u00fcmit kesilmez. Hi\u00e7bir zaman kesmiyoruz da tabi. \u00c7ocuklara anlatam\u0131yorsun ki bunu, o\u011fluna anlatam\u0131yorsun. \u00c7ok da maddi olarak Allah’a \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr kimseye ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131 yok ama manevi olarak \u00e7ok yoruldu. O \u00e7ocuklar biri ergenlik \u00e7a\u011f\u0131nda, di\u011feri zaten biraz ilgi isteyen \u00e7ocuk, farkl\u0131 bir mizac\u0131 var. \u00c7ok yoruluyor yorucu oluyor ama yapacak bir \u015fey yok.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr ayn\u0131 apartmanday\u0131z. (k\u0131z karde\u015flerim) onlara \u00e7ok destek oluyorlar. Yard\u0131mc\u0131 oluyorlar her konuda. D\u0131\u015far\u0131 i\u015fleri konusunda veya \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 yaln\u0131z kalmas\u0131n diye gidiyorlar yan\u0131nda oluyorlar. Hep kendisi de biliyor dua ediyor. \u201cAllah raz\u0131 olsun siz olmasayd\u0131n\u0131z ben yapamazd\u0131m.\u201d diyor. Ben bu y\u00fck\u00fc g\u00f6t\u00fcremezdim diye. Ama diyoruz \u201cBiz de b\u00f6yle g\u00fcnlerde var\u0131z. Karde\u015flik b\u00f6yle g\u00fcnlerde\u201d diyoruz. Biz seve seve yap\u0131yoruz. Biraz b\u00f6yle tedirgin oluyor. Sanki y\u00fck oluyormu\u015f gibi hissediyor. \u00d6yle s\u00f6yledi. Hepimiz biz bunu isteyerek severek yap\u0131yoruz. Karde\u015fimizsin tabii ki yapaca\u011f\u0131z yan\u0131n\u0131zda olaca\u011f\u0131z. \u00d6yle i\u015fte birbirimize kenetlendik. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr bu s\u00fcreci atlataca\u011f\u0131z in\u015fallah.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7ocuklar da e\u015fi de psikolojik destek al\u0131yorlar yani \u00f6yle her \u015fey kolay olmuyor. Doktorlara gidiyorlar, psikolojik yard\u0131m al\u0131yorlar. Ge\u00e7en konu\u015ftum. (E\u015fi) dedi art\u0131k o kadar yoruldum ki yani ben de sanki i\u00e7erideymi\u015fim gibi, o kadar ruhum darald\u0131. Bunald\u0131m. Hakl\u0131 ama yapacak bir \u015fey yok. Yani insan\u0131n g\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00fcn\u00fcne uymuyor. Bug\u00fcn iyisin ama yar\u0131n tam tersi olabiliyor. \u0130nsan\u0131z ya aciziz. Nefsine laf anlatam\u0131yorsun her zaman \u00f6yle. \u00d6yle i\u015fte iki seneyi bak bitirmek \u00fczereyiz. \u0130ki sene oldu. G\u00fcnler ge\u00e7iyor, cok \u00e7abuk ge\u00e7iyor. \u0130\u00e7erdekiler de diyor \u201cG\u00fcnler ge\u00e7iyor anlam\u0131yoruz. \u00c7ok \u00e7abuk ge\u00e7iyor s\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131yoruz.\u201d diyorlar yani me\u015fgale buluyoruz kitap okuyoruz, ibadet ediyoruz, muhabbet ediyoruz. Ama s\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131klar\u0131 an da oluyordur tabiki mutlaka baz\u0131 zamanda. \u00c7\u0131kanlardan duyuyoruz daha do\u011frusu i\u015fte \u015f\u00f6yle oluyor b\u00f6yle oluyor diye. Ama i\u00e7erdekiler kesinlikle bir \u015fey anlatm\u0131yorlar. S\u0131r vermiyorlar yani.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(8)<\/b><\/p>\n

Faydal\u0131 olmu\u015fumdur in\u015fallah. Ger\u00e7ekten ben bu kadar duygusal olaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcyordum ama ger\u00e7ekten duygusal davrand\u0131m biraz kusura bakma.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Burada belki en ma\u011fdur olan \u00e7ocuklar yani. Biz Tabii belli bir yasa gelmi\u015fiz. Onlar\u0131n tam babaya ihtiya\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n\u00a0 oldu\u011fu bir d\u00f6nemde \u00f6yle bir ya\u015fta babas\u0131z kalmak… Var ama yok yani. Hi\u00e7 kolay bir \u015fey de\u011fil. Binbir yalanlarla onu oyal\u0131yorsun k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckleri. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckler de o kadar da de\u011fi\u015fik, beklemedi\u011fin sorular soruyor ki. Okulda mesela herkes babam \u015furada \u015fu i\u015fte \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor, bu i\u015fte \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. Bu \u00e7ocuk orada ne diyece\u011fini bilemiyor. \u201cSenin baban nerede?\u201d diye soruyorlarm\u0131\u015f. Ona ne cevaplar veriyor. Hani o kadar \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar ya\u015fan\u0131yor ki. S\u00f6ylese i\u00e7erde oldu\u011funu, biliyorsun \u00e7ocuklar birbirine kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7ok ac\u0131mas\u0131z davran\u0131yor. Belki onu a\u015fa\u011f\u0131layacaklar i\u015fte senin baban \u015f\u00f6yleydi, b\u00f6yleydi diye. \u0130\u00e7eride bak. Onu bildirmemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsun. Ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar ya\u015fan\u0131yor yani. Ya\u015fan\u0131yor ama \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr dedi\u011fim gibi Rabb’ime inand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in bu s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131 bize ya\u015fatt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda vard\u0131r bir hikmet. Onu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek, O\u2019na dayanarak, O\u2019na g\u00fcvenerek daha kolay oluyor. Yoksa m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil, m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil. (k\u0131z karde\u015flerim) Bana diyorlar ki, sen \u00e7ok sab\u0131rl\u0131s\u0131n. Onlar biraz daha farkl\u0131 bak\u0131yorlar. \u0130\u015fte su\u00e7suz yere yat\u0131yorlar. Niye herkes fark\u0131nda de\u011fil? Niye herkes yan\u0131m\u0131zda de\u011fil? Falan b\u00f6yle daha \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcyorlar kendilerini. Dedim \u201cHerkes yan\u0131m\u0131zda de\u011filse Rabbim var yan\u0131m\u0131zda. Niye bu kadar \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyorsunuz?\u201d Yani onlara kalsa hi\u00e7 b\u00f6yle yan\u0131m\u0131zda olmayan kimseyle g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmeyecekler, gidip gelmeyecekler. Tamam dedim o onlardan sorulur. Biz bize d\u00fc\u015feni gene yapaca\u011f\u0131z. Gene gidece\u011fiz, gene gelece\u011fiz. Onlar bizim akrabam\u0131z, silip atamay\u0131z.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ama onlar \u00f6yle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcyorlar. Onlar da bana da k\u0131z\u0131yorlar. Ben diyorum \u00f6yle yapamam. Rabb’im bana sormas\u0131n, onlara sorsun. Yan\u0131 herkes kendinden sorumlu. Ben yapamam onu. \u0130\u00e7im rahat etmez yani. Yapamam, m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

At\u0131lacak sat\u0131lacak bir \u015fey de\u011fil ki bu akraba yani. O yapt\u0131ysa hatay\u0131 Allah ona sorsun, bana sormas\u0131n. Herkes kendi \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00fc\u015feni yap\u0131yor. Herkes kendi k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc, e\u011fitimini ortaya koyuyor. Demek ki onlar \u00f6yle. De\u011fi\u015ftiremezsin, anlatamazs\u0131n da. Herkes ayn\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncede olsa zaten sorun olmayacak. Ayn\u0131 yolda, ayn\u0131 fikirde olsa sorun olmayacak. Olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in b\u00f6yle oluyor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bana diyorlar 2 senedir \u201cSen git, bir yerden destek al. Git bir \u015fey al.\u201d Dedim ben iyiyim. Niye ila\u00e7 alay\u0131m yani ihtiyac\u0131m yok ki. K\u0131zlar her g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde, i\u015fte sen bak y\u0131k\u0131l\u0131p kalacaks\u0131n. Sen inat etme. Ben kendimi biliyorum. Ben iyiyim. Ben ihtiya\u00e7 duymuyorum. En sonunda zorla g\u00f6nderdiler. Gittim art\u0131k hadi sussunlar diye. Gittim, (ila\u00e7) verdi i\u015fte. Uyuyam\u0131yorum gece. Tabi uyku d\u00fczensizli\u011fi var. S\u00f6yledim i\u015fte s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 var, bir gece hap\u0131 bir de g\u00fcnd\u00fcz. \u0130nan daha iki ay oldu oldu gideli galiba bitiremedim. Unutuyorum zaten yutmay\u0131. Al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131k da yok zaten. Yani bir faydas\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rmedim. Hi\u00e7bir de\u011fi\u015fiklik olmad\u0131, b\u0131rakt\u0131m. O kontrole gel dedi bir ay sonra. Kontrole gitmedim. Ben iyiyim dedim. Ben kendimi biliyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr biz de iyiyiz \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr bak nas\u0131l sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131y\u0131z. Gen\u00e7lerimiz sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131, evimizdeyiz. Yiyecek ekme\u011fimiz var, i\u00e7ecek suyumuz var, s\u00fckredecek \u00e7ok \u015feyimiz var. Tamam \u00fcz\u00fclecek \u015feylerimiz de var ama \u015fimdiye kadar o kadar s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131z bir hayat ya\u015fad\u0131k ki. E tabii ki olacak. Yani efendilerimiz neler \u00e7ekmi\u015f, alimler neler \u00e7ekmi\u015f, ne s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar \u00e7ekmi\u015f. Bizim bu kadar \u00e7ekmemiz \u00e7ok normal bir \u015fey. \u00c7ok normal ama \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr ki hani tam b\u00f6yle benim olgun bir ya\u015f\u0131ma geldi. Belki gen\u00e7ken \u00e7ekmek daha zor, gen\u00e7lere daha zor. Allah onlar\u0131n yard\u0131mc\u0131s\u0131 olsun. Onlara da i\u015fte \u00e7evremizdeki gen\u00e7lere destek olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz. Da hani veya ya\u015fl\u0131yken mesela. Ya da ya\u015fl\u0131yken mesela. Annem babam sa\u011f olsayd\u0131 \u00e7ok zorlan\u0131rd\u0131. \u00d6yle insanlar da var. Biz \u00e7ok iyiyiz \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr \u015fikayet edecek hi\u00e7bir \u015feyimiz yok. Rabbimden geldi\u011fini biliyoruz. G\u00fczel olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyoruz ve \u00e7ok huzurluyum ger\u00e7ekten. Huzurluyum ama sanma ki yani onlar\u0131n da iki elim yakalar\u0131nda yani zalimlerin de. Onlar\u0131 da affetmeyece\u011fim kesinlikle.<\/span><\/p>\n

Su\u00e7suzlar, masumlar biliyorum ama belki zaman alacak. Bilmiyorum art\u0131k ne kadar zaman al\u0131r. \u00d6yle de \u00fcmit ediyorum yani in\u015fallah.\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\n
Copyrighted to Undaunted Voices of Turkey<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
She is a mother of four in her fifties. Her son, brother, son-in-law and her husband were prosecuted in different times. Never missing any prison visit to see her son in a city with 10-hour bus-ride, she experiences hardship upon hardship as multiple prosecutions hit the family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6241,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7],"tags":[26,27,25,14],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/353"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6241"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=353"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/353\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":354,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/353\/revisions\/354"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=353"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=353"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=353"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}