{"id":322,"date":"2020-04-04T22:43:53","date_gmt":"2020-04-05T02:43:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/?p=322"},"modified":"2020-04-09T18:38:07","modified_gmt":"2020-04-09T22:38:07","slug":"interview-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/2020\/04\/04\/interview-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Interview #03"},"content":{"rendered":"

Story of a government employee who was jailed for 10 months for having a messaging app on her phone. She talks about her time in jail, how her two sons were affected from the events and how they decided to take the big risk of fleeing the country after she was released. At the time of the interview, she was in Greece with her two sons and she was waiting to unite with her husband in Germany. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Back to list of interviews<\/a><\/p>\n

English Translation:<\/strong><\/p>\n

(1)<\/strong><\/p>\n

I understand that this call is being recorded and I give my consent. It was devastating for me when my husband was taken. I can start from there. Two weeks after July 15th, the day that everybody wished had never happened, my husband was detained. You all read about it (the coup attempt) from the news and it seemed unreal to you. It was the same for us. It was all unbelievable for us even though we were there when all these happened. Of course, there is more to it before that day: the December 17\/25 operations (a corruption scandal in 2013). Back then we were thinking it was unbelievable when we saw it on the news. Just like an army operation, seven armed police came to our door. They do not ring the bell from downstairs entrance.\u00a0 They directly come upstairs because of the possibility of running away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It was just like in the movies. They shout at you \u201copen the door,\u201d that\u2019s how they treat you. I went to the door, looked from the door hole and saw a group of men outside.\u00a0 I asked who they were. They shouted again \u201cOpen the door!\u201d I said I need to cover myself first, then they became more aggressive and shouted more. I opened the door after getting ready. As soon as I opened it, they came into the house. I woke up my husband right away. I have two kids. Only one of them, the younger one, was with us. The older one was with their grandparents in another city for vacation. The police took us to the living room and made us sit, not next to each other, but face to face. They quickly made an explanation, called our neighbors and searched our house with their guns and body armor for 3-4 hours. They couldn\u2019t find anything.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then they said they were going to take my husband and he needed to get ready. And they said… I can\u2019t forget it and I won\u2019t forget it. \u201cSay your goodbyes, you may not see each other anymore.\u201d I turned and looked at them. I was going to ask if they were taking him for an execution. But I didn\u2019t because I was afraid that if I said so they would do something to him. They took and cuffed him. My husbands\u2019 hands were in the front. One police officer, I assume he was a higher-ranking officer, said his hands should be cuffed from his back. They went all the way downstairs and got the keys from their car. They spent the extra time just cuffing his hands from the back. it was happening in front of my very own eyes. Fortunately, our kids weren\u2019t there. We called our nanny and sent him with her right away because I was planning to follow my husband by car as far as they let me. I followed them. I saw my husband, cuffed from the back, taken to the hospital. He was rubbing his hands when he was getting out of the vehicle at the hospital. He disappeared like that..<\/span><\/p>\n

I am a government employee, actually I was. It wasn\u2019t possible to take time off from work. Even medical leaves were forbidden. They had to send you back to work or you had to be hospitalized if you needed treatment. As far as I understand, if police were looking for you, you had to be in a place where they could find you. I couldn\u2019t tell anyone what happened (to my husband) because there was a witch hunt. I\u2019ve seen it. If I talked about it, I was afraid that they would detain me, and my kids would be left behind without care. I was thinking about what I could do for my husband. When you haven\u2019t even been in a police station in your life, you don\u2019t know what to do. But I was worried about his health, his life because they took him away in a very bad way and he was in custody. I started to search about prison environment.<\/span><\/p>\n

I read that there was no food or a bed to rest, and that they only give them sandwiches. I couldn\u2019t eat, I couldn\u2019t sleep. I couldn\u2019t talk to anybody. I cried every night and went to work the next day as if nothing happened. After work, I went to the police station where they took my husband. It was 40 km away. I went there every day. All I could do was cry in front of the counterterrorism police building.<\/span><\/p>\n

While I was trying to hear from my husband, the police came to our office one day. It was a Monday evening. After work, I went to the counter-terrorism building again. I\u2019ve learned that my husband had been sent to the court. I went to the court building and waited until 1:00 am. My sister and her family also came to wait with me there. They didn\u2019t proceed and postponed the trial to the morning. I had to go to work. I felt that something was going to happen to me at work that day, but I had to go. Otherwise they would have said I ran away. Of course you don\u2019t know what to do in these situations. However, I went to work. I sent my siblings to the court to my husband\u2019s trial.<\/span><\/p>\n

In the morning, the police came and detained me, too. While I was hoping my husband would be released after a few days, I was being detained right at work. We went to our house and they searched for it again. They needed someone in the house during the search, which they called an \u201cattendant.\u201d Police found our neighbor as someone outside of our household. During the search, my neighbor cried a lot asking \u201cWhat do you want from that family? They have two kids. We know them very well, you can ask us.\u201d She begged them not to take me because our kids would stay behind without us. There was nothing to do, they detained me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I was detained before seeing my husband\u2019s release. We were the first group of employees to be arrested in our offices. Police were treating us as if we were traitors. They were hesitant to give us food and even water, because they thought they needed to be careful while interacting with us. They were thinking that they would be good officers if they treated us badly. I saw it there when I was under arrest. If they were being nice, they were afraid that they could lose their jobs. I saw it in the jail and in custody.<\/span><\/p>\n

We weren\u2019t expecting any favors from anyone, just expecting to be treated fairly. When I was in custody, the worst thing was that they took our headscarves away. In a country where we believed we could live our faith, they left us without our scarves in a room with 24-hour surveillance. I guess they thought we could hang ourselves with it, as if we could not hang ourselves with any other clothes we had. We were 16-17 people sleeping in a small room. We stayed in a prison with 3 wards. We were 48 people in total. Like I said, we didn\u2019t get enough food and there were mothers who were breastfeeding. They were allowed to see their babies when they were breastfeeding. The babies were falling asleep when they were being nursed, but they had to leave their moms when the police called them. It didn\u2019t matter for police if the baby was full or not.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Since my kids were older, I wasn\u2019t allowed to take them with me during detention. I could not see my kids while I was there, only moms who were breastfeeding were able to see their kids. And those moms were taking the kids not directly form their husbands, but from the prison wards. Even my kids would have stranger anxiety. These babies were taken by prison staff from their dads, and cried until they were handed in to their moms at the cell. Likewise, they were leaving their moms crying until given back to their dads. And the mothers were crying. The babies were crying. Everybody was crying in the cell when the babies were leaving.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was so hard for me because I didn\u2019t know if my husband had been released. I begged the police to tell me if he was out because we had two children and my husband was under detention, too. I was begging them to tell me the result of my husband\u2019s hearing. Because of this, detention was extremely hard for me. I didn\u2019t know anything about how my family was doing. They took us to daily check ups with a doctor to see if there had been any violence or torture. On the 5th or 6th day of my detention, I saw a bag with my name on it. I thought maybe my family sent some clothes for me in that bag. I needed to change because we were 16 people in the same ward in the August heat. I asked if I could have it because it had my name on it. They said, \u201cTake it, quick and show us what\u2019s inside and go to your room.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I said \u201cOkay\u201d. There was a pack of wet wipes. I asked if I could take it with me. They said \u201cOkay, take some but open it first.\u201d When I opened it, I saw my husband\u2019s handwriting on the cover saying \u201cI\u2019m okay and hopefully you will be okay, too.\u201d I wouldn’t have believed it was true if I didn\u2019t know it was his own handwriting. He wrote other things on the tag of my clothes as small as he could. Of course, I read them after I went to my ward. He wrote little notes to support and motivate me like \u201cYou\u2019re going to be okay\u201d etc. He expressed his affection and love.<\/span><\/p>\n

When the guard saw it, she got angry, asked what I was reading and took them. I showed them what they were and tried to explain that my husband just wanted to let me know he was out of prison. I was on the floor and she was standing. She said things to humiliate me. She had an advantage because she was standing up while I was on the floor. I can\u2019t describe that moment. I was extremely happy and I said \u201cMy husband wanted to let me know he is out and he is with our children. I\u2019m so happy. I can even give you a hug.\u201d She was standing and pushed me like she was pushing away something disgusting, and said, \u201cDon\u2019t even touch me, you all stink in there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I just looked at her and said, \u201cI just wanted to tell you how happy I am. That\u2019s it. I wasn\u2019t really going to hug you.\u201d Then, I went inside. Nothing mattered at that moment. She could even hit me or curse at me. My husband was released. I showed everyone in my ward my husband\u2019s writing. I was crying from joy and everyone was crying from joy with me. We were all in the same situation. One\u2019s pain could make all of us sad as well as one\u2019s happiness could put a smile on all of our faces. We were all separated from our children, husbands, families, mothers and fathers. We spent 11 days in there like that. We couldn\u2019t take a shower, we didn\u2019t even brush our teeth. Somehow we were going to court. We were all happy hoping we would be released. We weren\u2019t even fighting for a toothbrush because we were thinking we would be out soon.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They told us to get ready at 8:00am. Then, we were taken to the court at 11:00am. We waited there until 6:00 pm. Our hearings had started, one by one. We waited until 3:00 am to hear the verdict. They took us to the courtroom. We were 35 people. Every one of us was accompanied by a police officer. The only thing the judge said was, \u201cAll of them are sentenced to imprisonment except these two (judge said their names). So you learn your lesson.\u201d Period. He took off his gown and left.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everybody had started crying. I said this must be a joke. They can\u2019t do that to all of us. What did we do wrong? Everybody was devastated, even the men, our colleagues who worked together with us in the same office, were crying. Everybody was crying, screaming… Some were saying \u201cI want my children\u2026\u201d But the judge didn\u2019t come back. He just said \u201cYou learn your lesson\u201d, and left. We were all scared. My biggest fear was that I didn\u2019t know what else they were going to do to us. When they beat you or do not give you food, you can forget it in time. But there are things that you cannot forget as a woman. I was so afraid of that. Then, we went to the prison. I cannot forget that day. It was really humiliating, the body search and everything.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s really hard to enter the prison. Maybe you get used to it later, but the way they treat you there is really hard. It\u2019s hard to go through that as a woman. I don\u2019t forget (crying), we stayed in a temporary ward at first. Then they took us to our cells. There were 6 beds and we were 13 women. There was not enough space. We stayed there for 3 days. There was this thing we heard in the news, \u201cWe\u2019re not going to give water to these people even if it\u2019s a rainy day.\u201d We lived that in prison. We were coming from detention ward and we had nothing. No certain clothes. There were many rules about clothing. No blue, green, navy clothes, no shoulder paddings, no print on any clothes etc.<\/span><\/p>\n

You can\u2019t even get your own clothes with you. You can\u2019t even bring in the clothes that you wear during detention so that you could wash and wear them again. They told us to wait for our families to bring stuff for us. During detention, they didn\u2019t give us anything for 11 days. I only remember that they gave us only a half cup of shampoo. We asked for water and they gave us a water bottle with a chewed gum under the cap. First I thought it had a strawberry flavor then I saw the gum. It was odd, someone used it before. Then we didn\u2019t drink it because we didn\u2019t know what they put inside water. We got our drinking water from a toilet that is disgusting to use.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In this temporary cell, we made a decision with a friend after 3 days. Since time passes so slowly there, If you keep feeling bad, you might even become a crazy person. At first, I thought they were going to keep us there and play tricks on us. It\u2019s not a good place to be in. It is such an environment to destabilize your mental health. May Allah help the people there. If I had stayed there longer, I would have become really mentally unstable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

They took us to the permanent wards after 3 days. It was empty and dirty. They closed the door and then they left. There is an emergency button on the wall. We had nothing. No spoons or forks. There were only walls, dirty chairs and a dirty table. They opened the door and shouted \u201ctake the mess tin.\u201d It\u2019s a big metal tin.\u00a0 We didn\u2019t know what it meant. We opened it and saw food there, but we didn\u2019t have any spoons or plates. We, 13 women, looked at each other and at the food. We were hesitant to use the emergency button because it was not an emergency for us even if we were so hungry. Everyone has a different level of sensitivity and we were hesitant to bother the wardens. We knocked on the door, but nobody showed up after we called them out.<\/span><\/p>\n

It seems that nobody could come until you pressed that button because we were charged with terrorism, that known crime. I sincerely apologize for using that word. but that\u2019s what we were called there. When they asked \u201cwhich ward, which crime?\u201d for 10 months? The answer was always FETO (Gulenist Terror Organization: Gulen movement is a religious movement which was accused of organizing the coup attempt and declared a terrorist organization by the Turkish government.). So I\u2019m just so used to using that word. And a guardian only comes when you use the emergency button because you are from the FETO ward. She would be scared to come here without a button notice, as there were cameras all over.<\/span><\/p>\n

We learned everything then. They all said the same thing. However, we told them what we wanted and they gave us 10 spoons. There was a canteen day and we had to wait for that day to buy something. Even if we had 10 plastic spoons for 13 people, we took turns and ate our food. These are not big things, but they seemed big at that time since I was not expecting any of it at all. Hunger is pretty minor compared to what we went through after that.<\/span><\/p>\n

We were always demanding things that we needed, but we always hit a wall. When you needed something, you always had to put up a good fight for it. Even for basic things that needed to be provided already. That\u2019s how prison life is. The day they took us to the permanent ward, there was an announcement from a speaker on the wall. We were listening to it carefully. They announced everybody\u2019s names, except mine and a friend\u2019s. Then they said get ready for a non-contact visit.<\/span><\/p>\n

After I didn\u2019t hear our names, I started to cry along with my other friend. I said \u201cThey forgot us, nobody came for us.\u201d They took all prisoners who had visitors. They took 10 prisoners out for visit, only three of us were left in the cell. They closed the door and they were gone. I cried a lot. I was scared because I thought my family had left me there, even though I knew it couldn\u2019t be possible. However, when you are in there, you become vulnerable. Then they opened the door and said our names as well and took us out. The first visit was very hard.<\/span><\/p>\n

It was the first time I had seen my husband in a month. He didn\u2019t seem well. He had stayed handcuffed in custody for 10 days. He said they only took the cuffs off in the restroom, not even when he was praying or eating his food. He had lost a lot of weight. My mother-in-law, father-in-law, my sisters and my husband all came together. My mother was in another city. They came to town one week after I got arrested. I asked my mother-in-law if my husband was okay. Even though he said he was okay, I did not believe it. She said he was much better, it had been really bad when he was first released. But I thought he seemed still really bad, he had lost so much weight. He lost 6-8kg in 16 days.<\/span><\/p>\n

They brought my younger son with them. I hadn\u2019t seen the older one for 4 months. They didn\u2019t tell him that I was in prison because he goes to school. He might have told it to his friends. You know, elementary school kids can be really cruel. July 15 is included in the curriculum and his mother is in jail. We didn\u2019t tell him because we were scared that he might get hurt or bullied at school. My family only brought my younger son, but didn\u2019t let him see me because I might get upset if he cried or kicked the glass. I could only see him from a distance. For a long time, I could only see my kids this way behind a glass.<\/span><\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t see my older son, but I saw the younger one like that. Before the visit ends when they said our time was over, I said to every and each of them including my husband that \u201cdon\u2019t forget me here, please come back next week.\u201d I wasn\u2019t aware of that back then. My husband told me about this afterward. He said I begged them to come back and cried. It made them sad. He said \u201cHow we could forget you, you\u2019re not a kitten.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I had the same feelings when sisters came to visit us. I thanked them for coming to visit and not forgetting us here. Even your phone call now makes me feel supported. It is nice not to be forgotten. It is nice to know that we have sisters.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll talk about the first open visit, otherwise it\u2019ll be too long if I talk about everything. I don\u2019t remember the exact date (first open visit date), it was every two months. Maybe after 1 or 2 months after I got arrested, it was open visit time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Both having or not having an open visit are painful. You start having cramps a week before because you\u2019re going there and seeing your family, and then leaving them to come back to your cell. Then you need to wait for another two months. It is hard. It was the first time my younger son saw me. They didn\u2019t bring my older son. Our hope was maybe I could be released so before he knew about any of this. There is a table and you can hug them over that table. You can\u2019t go to the other side of the table but you can have your child sit on your lap. I hugged my little one and made him sit on the table but he kept looking at my face. Maybe he can\u2019t believe it was me or maybe he forgot my face. He was 3 years old at the time. He didn\u2019t talk much but he kept looking at me, saying mom and hugging me. But I felt like he had to check if it was actually me once in a while. He kissed all over my face. He hugged me. 45 minutes passed so quickly.<\/span><\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t see me for days, maybe for months. He couldn\u2019t even believe he was hugging me. Our time was over. I hugged everyone. My husband, my mom, my father, my siblings (crying). I walked carrying my son through the door. I was going to leave him to my mom but he clung on me and didn\u2019t want to leave. I was pushing his one hand, and he was trying to hold me with the other. I had to push him so hard. He was so strong and he cried a lot. They took us in. He was screaming \u201cBring my mom back.\u201d You can\u2019t do anything (crying). I wasn\u2019t myself for a week. I can\u2019t forget that day. There is nothing as painful as pushing away your own child who desperately wants to be with you. Even people who are not mothers could feel that. It was the children who suffered the most during this period.<\/span><\/p>\n

My older son always asked about his father for a month. I always told him he went to another city to work there. He said, \u201cHe would have called me if he went to another city to work. Why isn\u2019t he calling me? You\u2019re hiding something from me. Something happened.\u201d While I could not explain to him why his father wasn\u2019t home, I also left him behind. Of course I didn\u2019t want this to happen.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I could only talk to my elder son on the phone. After I got arrested they moved out of our house. My husband didn\u2019t have a job. I didn\u2019t have a job. They moved our stuff to my mother-in-law\u2019s house in another town. Since our address had changed, it took a while until my husband took care of paperwork and everything. That\u2019s why after 1.5 months, I was able to hear my older son\u2019s voice. My family didn\u2019t bring him to the visits. But on the days I talked to him on the phone, either he didn\u2019t go to school or they picked him up early. They told him that I was out of the country. So he kept saying on the phone, \u201cwhy did you leave without saying anything? I couldn\u2019t see you before you left. Do you need to earn money? We have money. Come back.\u201d He always begged on the phone for me to come home.\u00a0 We only had 10 minutes every two weeks.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When you hear the minutes going off, it tears your heart out because the call will be over. I sometimes prayed for it to be over when talking to my older son because I couldn\u2019t give an answer to his questions. He asked legitimate questions like \u201cWhy did you leave me? Why don\u2019t you call me more? What is your job?\u201d Once he suggested me to google to find out ways on how to call him more. I didn\u2019t have any answers to these questions. When my voice started to tremble, my husband took over the phone to talk with me telling him \u201cPlease don\u2019t upset your mother.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I missed my older son so much. I thought that I would forget his face. After 4 months, I told my husband to tell a lie or something and bring him over to the open visit. I wanted to see him a lot. He told him that I had come over for paperwork and would leave afterwards. He came to visit and held my hand and said \u201cMom, let\u2019s go home,\u201d \u201cyou\u2019ll take the next flight, stay at home for tonight, your friends can leave now.\u201d He begged me to stay at home that night. I said I can\u2019t and he started to cry. He said \u201cAre they keeping you here by force. Hold our hands when we leave so that we can take you out of here.\u201d I said \u201cNo, I want to stay here. I love my job. They will fire me if you behave like that. I can\u2019t come.\u201d Maybe what I did was wrong or right, I don\u2019t know. I can\u2019t exactly remember what I said. I told him I had to work and he kept saying \u201cyou don\u2019t need to earn money, my father will take care of us.\u201d He begged me to come with him, but I couldn\u2019t..<\/span><\/p>\n

Then they left. The bell rings and everybody leaves. You go to your ward, they go to their homes. Everybody is sad. But there is this thing in prison. Everybody is sad there, they leave their family behind, but also all 24 of us tried to cheer each other up. If one of us dropped a tear, other 23 motivated and supported her.<\/span><\/p>\n

We spent 10 months like that before we went to trial. They moved us to another prison in (city) S during the trial. It was harder there. We were staying there only during the trials. However, the trials took 9-10 days. You know there is this saying there is no place like home. It is funny. During the trials we thought there is no prison like your own prison. Because every time they sent you to a new place, they repeat the same process of body search and search of your items. They search you and everything all over again. It was a high security prison and we had a harder time there. The pressure of the trials, the things we went through during the trials, the psychology of being there\u2026 Everything was just harder.<\/span><\/p>\n

I called my family when I was there. We had a right to a phone call, so we requested it. After I was released, my husband told me that he thought, after the phone call, I was going to harm myself in the prison. I sounded that bad. I don\u2019t remember what I told him that day but he got worried. Thank God harming myself never crossed my mind. I mean it was really hard, maybe we were thinking about it, but we were strong. I don\u2019t think anybody there would do such a thing.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We always thought as long as they don\u2019t open that door, they don\u2019t interfere with us or they don\u2019t torture us psychologically, we can survive here. You have to survive. They make you forget that you are a mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend to someone. I wasn\u2019t any of those there. I used to feel as if I were a newborn and I was going to stay there forever. Maybe it\u2019s a blessing but I always felt like I was going to stay there forever and it gave me some kind of comfort. It is strange but it made me feel safe. Sometimes you forget that there is a life out there or you once had a life outside of the prison.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes, when we went out to the prison yard, we could smell the sea. We wanted to feel that smell. We didn\u2019t see any green around except the food we had, but I guess they sometimes cut grass and we used to like smelling that.<\/span><\/p>\n

I had a health issue there. I was handcuffed and transferred to a hospital many times with 2 soldiers without guns, 4 soldiers, a commander and a female guard. The good thing was you get to see outside when you go there even if it is from the tiny window of the vehicle. From that tiny window, even seeing people walking outside was something. I\u2019m not trying to impress you or anything but even the wind I feel on my face when I\u2019m walking outside now is precious. Sitting on a couch is a blessing after sitting on a plastic chair or on the floor for 10 months. Cooking food for your child, cleaning your own house, becoming mom\u2026 They are all blessings. I used to complain about these. I\u2019m speaking for myself. Maybe other people are different. I wanted to vacuum the floors in my house. I started to cry when I said I missed the sound of our vacuum cleaner. My friends brought a hair dryer once, just because I could hear the sound and not cry. We used to watch on TV shows people missing their children and crying \u201cmy child\u201d (crying). Now I understand those people. I understand what it means to feel that deep sorrow in your heart.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

During my time in prison, I can sincerely say that I understood what it means to have that deep sorrow due to longing for your kids. I know what that means very well.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, I wasn\u2019t the only person suffering. After every visit, we heard someone\u2019s husband had been arrested too, or someone\u2019s father had been taken into custody. We were praying for a friend\u2019s family to get released, then we heard it didn\u2019t happen.<\/span><\/p>\n

(2)<\/strong><\/p>\n

I had a friend in the ward. After she was arrested, her very own brother reported her husband. Her husband was detained and arrested, too. They had 2 kids. The kids\u2019 monthly routine was like this: One week they visited mom. One week they went to school. One week they visited their dad if someone took them. Like I said, her own brother denounced them. And the kids stayed with their uncle and grandma. If someone took them, they visited their dad. They went to school for one week. When we had non-contact visits every week, that friend would not leave her bed because her kids could not come to see her. We go to visit and come back.. You know you sometimes feel happy, sometimes saddened. You see your kids, and feel sad or happy. But she could not feel that, she was always in her bed. She could only see her kids maybe once a month..\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Her husband was in another prison. She had no mail rights or telephone rights with her husband. In these cases, you don\u2019t hear from your husband at all. There were others whose husbands were imprisoned in another city. The husband was in one city, the wife was in another city, both imprisoned..\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

All our rights were taken away because we were told that we were \u201cguilty.\u201d\u00a0 They were taken away because of the state of emergency. Education rights were removed, but tuition payments were withdrawn from our account. We wrote a letter to have them reimbursed. Some of our friends were distance learners. Even though their tuition was paid, they were forbidden to take the finals\/tests. As for health.. you are not valued and respected there.. I mean it. Even if you die, they don\u2019t care in the least. Even if you had a heart attack when you pressed the help button, it would sometimes take 40 minutes for them to show up.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I used to grit my teeth, probably because of stress. I think I now grit even more. Two of my teeth broke from right and left. Up-right and down-left my two grinder teeth broke, and I could not eat food. They hurt my palate. As soon as I bit, it hurt me a great deal. Believe me, I wrote a letter for dentist referral every day for 1.5 months. After 1.5 months, I was sent to the prison’s dentist and the doctor said \u201cEvery where in your palate is inflamed, I cannot do anything, I need to refer you to a hospital.\u201d I used antibiotics, but they ran out. I started writing letters again for referral to a hospital. I cried for 2 months when I was eating food. I used cotton to cover my teeth as a last resort and tried to eat soft food. When I was finally taken to the hospital, they only fixed one of them. So, I struggled a lot just to have it taken care of, just to be able to eat. I wasn\u2019t expecting much from them anyway.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I told this to my husband.\u00a0 We are extremely tired of battling just to have basic rights. We don\u2019t try anymore. Even if we are denied basic rights, we feel too tired to even write a request letter. When I told my husband, he said with sorrow: the Prophet\u2019s friends had hard times in their lives; some were sawed in front of their family, and their family could do nothing. There were some who suffered from a variety of tortures. I don\u2019t mean that I went through the same thing, he probably said this to keep me strong. He said \u201cIt is 2017 and you have to eat by putting cotton in your mouth. You have a similar experience, and we are honored to be your family. I see them persecuting you behind glass barriers, and cannot do anything as your husband. I am so sorry for not being able to do anything..\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I told this to my husband because my family\u2019s point of view was a bit different. I just wanted them to know what I was going through, I didn\u2019t mean to upset them. They understood the situation better because they saw with their own eyes what their own daughter and many innocent people experienced. They used to defend the other side and say everything would be fine, even when my husband was taken to jail. After December 17\/25th, I said my dad would finally understand the truth and that we were innocent, if his own daughter was put in jail. And that\u2019s what happened.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Thank God, it all passed. Of course it was hard to come here. You are risking your kids. I was released because I had 2 kids. I could not make my voice heard for 10 months. At the trial, I gave examples of the ones who were discharged because they have kids. Then I was released with a travel ban. At the first hearing after the release, another arrest warrant was requested by the prosecutor, but the judge decided to release me on conditions of trial without arrest. But it was risky, the same thing could happen again, and I was afraid to be jailed again because I was accused of using Bylock. They don\u2019t look in detail.\u00a0 If someone accuses you of using Bylock and you are arrested, it is extremely hard to be discharged. I know this by heart.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

No one hears or sees whatever you write or say, there is no due process. You are either banned or limited to meet your lawyer. I spent 9 months like that and was released on the 10th. I was released, but so many of my friends are still there. They sentenced me for 6 years, 3 months, down from 7 years, 6 months. I was here on the day they gave the verdict.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are people who are released. When you are charged, you need to be released until the appeals court process is finalized. This is the law under normal circumstances. But there are a lot of sisters and brothers who were sentenced to 9 or 12 years for attending religious gatherings, who were denounced for reading Quran or for teaching religious values, and they are not released. They are in but I am out, free. It is hard to come and stay here as well but nonetheless we are thankful. We are free. We didn\u2019t feel the same in our own country. We can express our thoughts and feelings to loved ones when they were being accused, but we had to be silent in our country. We are happy to be here.<\/span><\/p>\n

My mother was diagnosed with cancer when I was in jail. I couldn\u2019t see her for 4 months. My parents moved to where we live to take care of my kids and to support my husband. My mother had very difficult times. I couldn\u2019t see her for 4 months because she was always at the hospital. She had 3 surgeries; first was when I was in jail, the second one was when I was released, third one was when I was here. She made my husband call the prison every single day for 270-300 days to hear if I was released. Every single day.. You have hope in early days.. When I was arrested, we were 13 people from the same office. 11 of them were released after 2 months. There were others that came to the cell afterwards but we were the remaining 2 from the same institute.<\/span><\/p>\n

Since my mother was really upset for my kids\u2019 situation, my father promised me at their first visit to not leave my kids and take care of them until I am released. Then he left in tears at the end of the next visit because my mother got really sick. He said \u201c I promised to take care of the kids with your mom, but now we cannot help your husband. We are a burden to him instead, because your mother needs to be taken care of..<\/span><\/p>\n

My parents saw that if I stayed, I might serve 7-8 years of jail time. I talked to my husband about staying rather than fleeing abroad. The decision involves a big responsibility. He was also accused, but in my situation, there was more at stake. He was protected by God. I think it is because his friends didn\u2019t give his name or his other acquaintances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want you to stay in jail even for a day unjustly. You are at the decision phase of the trial and they will most likely arrest you again. Your mother and kids cannot take this anymore. I want to unite as a family. I don\u2019t want you to be taken again for no reason,\u201d said my husband. We also didn\u2019t know what would happen to him at his trial. He could also be sentenced. His case is still going on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It is not an easy decision, you are risking your kids. If you get a chance to ask the little kids who get lost in Meric river if they want to go with their dads or moms still, they would say yes because they don\u2019t know what they are going through. If they knew, they would not accept it, they couldn\u2019t.. They all left in fear. They are told to be quiet. We said the same things and we couldn\u2019t tell anyone. We only told our mothers and fathers that we were leaving. In the case of getting caught, my husband and I were going to be taken to jail. We were both banned from leaving the country with a case that\u2019s still going on.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The possibility of leaving your kids behind without parents or the possibility of something bad happening to you or your kids, we are not so important, but kids… we put it all at risk. We went to Edirne since we wanted to come from Meric. While we were waiting for people to take us. We told my son everything, which was that it would be a tough travel, that I didn\u2019t work abroad, I was in jail, and if we don\u2019t leave now.. We tried to explain in a way they could understand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I was talking to my son to make him feel comfortable: \u201cThey now understand us wrongly in this country. We never did anything wrong to this country but we are misunderstood. We could stay in jail for many years. We must go but everything will be fine. They will understand that people like us are good people. And we might be able to go back one day.\u201d You go to Edirne and you are on streets until midnight. Kids get cold, they want to use the bathroom, want to go home and sleep. He cries because he wants to go home. He says \u201cLet\u2019s go now mom, please..\u201d You must comfort him. Before we left for good, we explained what was going on like this. I told my younger son to be quiet, we would play a game, or else policemen would take me back to where I was – he was with me the first 2 weeks in jail, and he used to call jail \u201cmy mom\u2019s home\u201d- and we would have to live in different houses again. Because he used to try to convince me to go back to my \u201cold house\u201d during his 2-weeks stay.<\/span><\/p>\n

We made two attempts to come here. We succeeded on the second try. In the first one, I carried my younger son. My husband carried the bag and helped the person who carried the boat with him. My older son walked. When we came near the river, the pump they used to float the boat broke. We were waiting with another family, hiding. My younger son is normally grumpy. He changed a lot during my absence. He used to cry and yell when something he wanted didn\u2019t happen or scream when he was scared. We waited with the other family for an hour. I kept asking him if he was ok, looking through his eyes.. He didn\u2019t even say \u201cI\u2019m ok\u201d and I thought something had happened to him because of fear. It was dark at night, we were hiding, etc. I thought he was tongue-tied. I tried so hard to make him talk but he didn\u2019t say a word. He just thumbed up at me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He was around 3-3.5 years old, he is now 4. At our first attempt, there was another family too. 5 kids, 4 adults, and a guide got on the boat. There was a heavy flow and it was deep. We kept turning around but could not move forward. The shovel broke in the middle of the river. The person who was taking us could not move with only one shovel. We kept crashing against tree branches and stones. The boat might have burst. Whoever was close to what we were about to hit was trying to prevent the boat from touching anything but it was impossible. The watercourse was harsh. If the boat exploded, I was planning to try to swim not knowing if I would survive. I had to save my son.. With these thoughts in pitch black in the middle of a river, the person who took us pulled us back using a rope and told us to get off. We couldn\u2019t make it..<\/span><\/p>\n

There were 5 kids, one of whom was a baby, and 4 adults. We had to come back. Where we landed was a flat land. We would get caught at the first light that\u2019s held on us. We would directly be taken, we were crowded. As we were walking, we hit the dirt whenever we saw a light even if it was dim. We were hiding in corn fields with those 5 kids. They took us to a house around 3 am and told us to stay there. Our husbands entered through the window, we used the door because they said there were cameras, etc. We went back by taking a risk after 3 days. God gives you that courage. You must take the same risks again with your kids. You either stay and live through the same or make your kids live through the same, make your family live through the same or you must go, you have to.. That\u2019s how you feel. That\u2019s how I felt and we left again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[…]<\/span><\/p>\n

At our second attempt, we easily passed to the other side. We walked about 9 – 12 kms but we came and thankfully we are here.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

My husband was dismissed before the coup attempt. I was dismissed when I was in jail. My husband is an engineer, his father has a bakery shop. He made some money by helping his father. As I said, when I was detained, we had to move to our in-laws\u2019 apartment. After months they allowed us to keep a family photo, one which was taken at our house about 6 months before I was detained, with my husband, my kids, my parents, etc. They brought that. In my dreams, I always went back to that house. We were so happy there. We had a house, jobs, our kids used to go to school. We had an ordinary family life.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

All of a sudden, one day, everything changed. When you were working for that country, you suddenly became \u201cterrorists,\u201d as they say. I had never seen a gun in my life, let alone used a gun. I had never seen a gun until the day the police came to take us. But I am accused of being a member of an armed terrorist organization. I still cannot comprehend how I am being accused of this. When I think about what I went through, especially heavy gendarme guards around you while you are being taken to the courtroom, it is like Robocop movie. The corridor is filled with gendarmes. The days you passed through with handcuffs.. It is like a dream. I still cannot believe it. The journey I started one night.. The 10 months that were spent in jail.. It is hard to believe.<\/span><\/p>\n

We were also detained here while trying to flee from the island of Crete. I want to tell this. I told you the scene about the reaction policeman gave, when I was reading the note my husband wrote for me.. I sincerely wanted to hug and she humiliated me as if I was a disgusting thing. She was standing and I was on the floor. You enter this country in illegal ways with a fake document and with a fake visa on your original passport. You are doing something illegal. You have to. And you are detained. They have a legitimate reason. But they still understand your situation, they treat you very nicely. They were so kind..\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We stayed there for 5 days. My husband was separated from us. I was with my kids and other women. It was too cold, so dirty. There was an Iranian, an African, a Tibetan, and me. One of the female police officers brought my husband one night. They used to bring him from time to time, especially when kids cried.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The female police said \u201cOnly 15 mins\u201d and left. Half an hour passed, an hour passed, 2 hours passed, but they still didn\u2019t take him. We knocked on the door thinking they might have forgotten about my husband and warned the police officer. She took him back and came after 10 minutes. She entered to dirty, stinky, and cold room. She didn\u2019t have to. She came to me and said, \u201cWhat are you doing here with your kids?\u201d I started explaining. When she saw that I was upset, she grabbed my hands. I told and cried, then she cried with me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I apologized to her for entering her country illegally. But this was a survival instinct for living together as a family. That\u2019s the only thing we wanted. We are not bad people. I chose this path to become my kids\u2019 mother. \u201cPlease\u201d she said. \u201cI cannot take this anymore, I am a mother, too. Don\u2019t make me cry. I wish I could open the door and let you get on the airplane to Germany. But I am a clerk just like you were once.. I have no power.\u201d she said.<\/span><\/p>\n

She left and came back with a box of food like\u00a0 cookies and cakes. Probably she brought them to eat during her shift. She said \u201cThey gave us this during the ceremony, they are homemade.\u201d \u201cThese are sweets, these are salty.\u201d she continued. \u201cI would be really happy if you accept these.\u201d I said \u201cYou\u2019ll probably eat them this night, you work all night, I cannot take them.\u201d She told me to take them for the kids and insisted. I took them by thanking her and got so happy. (27.33) She said she would take the kids out if there was a park nearby but there is no place like that. I told her that I would never want her to be in trouble because of us. She left in tears, and I cried for her kindness. I cried when I told what I went through and also cried at her understanding, kindness, and treatment to us.<\/span><\/p>\n

After half an hour or an hour, she brought my husband back and said \u201cFamily is important to me. You will have dinner together. I will take him after dinner.\u201d I said to her that I don\u2019t want anything to happen to her. In our country, they were afraid of treating us the way they were supposed to. We didn\u2019t expect special treatment from them, just what they should do was enough. Don\u2019t yell like we are some other creatures, treat us like humans. We were kind people who would still thank guards even when we were handcuffed or being locked inside. That\u2019s how we are. Even one of the guardians said \u201cI handcuff you, lock you inside but you still thank me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Because she was doing her job. We learned this. I don\u2019t say it for myself but we had such, such nice friends. So kind, by preserving their values they were in jail longer than I was, many years passed. The difference between the treatment in your own country, from your own people and from a human, a police officer and someone who doesn\u2019t know you, whose country you came to illegally, who has a different nationality.. We communicated in English. Maybe you don\u2019t even explain it well, at least for myself..\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I will never forget how she listened to me by holding my hand and how kind she treated me. We dream with my friends here; we hope we will have a stable life, our kids will go to school here, and our husbands will go to work, we will have a house. (Because our husbands are either not here or don\u2019t have a job.) For the last 2 years, not that I complain about it, but we don\u2019t have a stable life. When we do, I would like to come back and visit Greece.<\/span><\/p>\n

I want to contribute to this country\u2019s economy at least as a tourist to pay my duty of loyalty. We have friends who help us. My former landlord\u2019s name is Anna. She took me to a psychologist. When I needed a lawyer, she arranged one and took me and my kids to her house and gave toys to my kids. She is this kind of person and I will never forget her. I want to call her even if I cannot come here to pay back.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is also Lina, she teaches German. She also knows us and tries to help us.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Like I said, we are happy to be here. Yes, it is hard but we are thankful to be here. May Allah help our friends, sisters who stay behind.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Crete is a Greek island. We tried to go to Germany from the airport in Crete. We didn\u2019t get caught after we passed the Evros River. We came to Athens. I sadly say that we had to work with human traffickers, we got fake visas and attempted to go to Germany with my little son but got caught. They got the fake document and gave us our passports. We returned home.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Our terminology has changed, the ones who do fake document, who buy plane tickets, attempts, passes, staying back, getting caught, etc. Even our kids asked me one day after I got caught at the airport \u201cMom, did you get caught again? You failed again?\u201d [..].\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We attempted it again, and the person who helped us said \u201cThis is not an attempt, you will pass,\u201d and sent 2 families there. The other family was caught and was put in custodial prison. Since they had the documents, they were released afterward and were taken back to Athens. We stayed on Crete Island, at XX Police Station for 4 nights, 5 days.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So we got caught there and had our fingerprints taken in Greece. We had never been caught before. It had been about 2 months since we came to Greece.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The first thing they [my son] asked was this: \u201cWhy did they put you in jail? What did you do?\u201d He thought that we did something really bad. We told my son that they misunderstood us, that we would explain in detail, but we didn\u2019t do anything bad. For him, robbery, murder, hurting someone, or committing something illegal is a reason to be in jail. He asked \u201cMom, did you do this?\u201d I said \u201cNo honey, we only became friends with people who are not liked by the ruler of this country. We read Quran together. We got together and did good things but nothing wrong or illegal.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course we explained it at his level. Before traveling, whenever we got a chance, we tried to explain. He continued to ask questions after we came here. We explained here in more detail. We were sitting together last night. We have a small table. All 3 of us lined up, sitting. They were drawing and I was studying German. They drew, and they were trying to name the first one, I guess, I didn\u2019t see it. They said let\u2019s name it Ali, Veli, Ahmet, etc. My younger son said \u201cLet\u2019s name it Vehbi.\u201d My older reacted saying \u201cNo, we like Vehbi, he is our friend. Let\u2019s name it someone we don\u2019t like, for example Recep.\u201d And they named it Recep.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then I realized what they were trying to do and recorded it without them noticing. They continued talking. \u201cWho is Recep? What did you do? Where did you put Recep?\u201d They drew a park, (They watch a lot of cartoons so they have a big imaginary world.) They explained \u201cWe do this here, this park has this feature. There is an automatic teeter-totter.\u201d It has everything they imagined. And there is a jail next to it and Recep is locked inside. I asked who Recep is. They said the one who put us in jail in Turkey. Now he is banned to go to the park. That was a big punishment for the kids. I hang the picture on our wall now. So Recep is punished, he cannot go to the park.<\/span><\/p>\n

Because he put their mother in jail. They cannot go to their beloved home now, play with their favorite toys. They talk to their grandparents on the phone. They always ask, \u201cWhen are we going to see, visit them? Will they put us back in jail if we do? \u201d They sacrificed their wish to visit Turkey to stay with their mom. This is very touching for me. We tell them we will have a new home and meet with your dad.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He said \u201cI really want to go back, but if they will put you in jail again, let\u2019s not go.\u201d They think of me, my 4 and 5 year-old boys. It is so difficult but I started this journey to unite with them. There was nothing left. That\u2019s how they are and how they feel now.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[…]<\/span><\/p>\n

There are 1300 people who have been lost and could not have been identified in the Evros River. 1300\u2026 God willing, I call them martyrs. People come in these fears but they still come. Can you imagine their feelings. They might have lived through much worse things, tortures. These are real. I want to share this, too.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When my husband was detained, one of his friends that gave his name (I heard this myself when I went to his trial) told about the torture in custody. He was questioned at 12 am. They hit even his leg that had platinum until the morning. They especially hit his legs, he said \u201cOne has platin, don\u2019t hit it.\u201d His wife was in the courtroom listening to his words in tears. When he heard the morning prayer, they put something on his head and he was beaten up. (If people are having a hard time believing it, this is an example.) They pulled down his pants and underwear, and tapped him with an object which I think was a nightstick and pushed it harder and threatened with giving electric shock. While they were doing it, they also threatened him doing the same thing to his wife and his 3.5 years old daughter.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As a result of the torture, he is left with no choice to sign the paper that had his friends\u2019 names. He told this at High Criminal Court. He also told it at the previous court. \u201cI was tortured and forced to sign that paper\/affidavit.\u201d This is the level of the torture.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe people decide to come here because they don\u2019t want to go through the same things. It is so hard. They have gone through much harder things than I have. A person would prefer this challenging journey to being in a situation where they threaten you with torturing your wife and daughter..\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(3)<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thankfully, we are all good, nonetheless. We are happy to be with our kids, to be healthy. I always think for decades, people used to go to Germany to work and bring their families after many years. Now I say, my husband went to Germany to work, I am in Greece for vacation. We are going to meet with him soon, God willing. This is a nice separation. I can talk to him, hear him, see him on camera. I am with my kids. What else would I want? We will soon be with him and he will be with his kids.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Turkish Transcription:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Back to list of interviews<\/a><\/p>\n

(1)<\/b><\/p>\n

Ben sesimi kaydedilmesine, anlatt\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131n kaydedilmesine izin veriyorum, kabul ediyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

E\u015fimin gidi\u015fi beni \u00e7ok yaralayan bir \u015feydi. E\u015fimin de al\u0131nmas\u0131ndan ba\u015flayarak ba\u015flayabilirim isterseniz. Malum g\u00fcn iste 15 Temmuz.. Herkesin olmamas\u0131n\u0131 istedi\u011fi.. 15 Temmuz sonras\u0131 benim e\u015fim bir 15 g\u00fcn sonra al\u0131nd\u0131. Evet siz haberlerde okuyorsunuz bazen ger\u00e7ek\u00e7i gelmiyor (bizlere de orada olmam\u0131za ra\u011fmen daha \u00e7ok yeniydi tabii ki bu olaylar, ger\u00e7ek\u00e7i gelmiyordu) ama bir \u00f6ncesi vard\u0131: 17\/25 Aral\u0131k s\u00fcreci. \u0130\u015fte aynen haberlerde duydu\u011fumuz ve bu kadar da olur mu dedi\u011fimiz gibi. Sabah \u015eafak Operasyonu gibi 7 tane el silahl\u0131, \u00e7elik yelekli polis kap\u0131m\u0131za dayand\u0131. Polisler alt kattan zilinize basmazlar, direkt \u00fcst kata gelirler ka\u00e7ma ihtimaline binaen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hani ger\u00e7ekten filmlerde g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz gibi. \u201cKap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131n!\u201d diye ba\u011f\u0131rarak muamele ediyorlar. Ben kap\u0131ya gitti\u011fimde, delikten bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda o kalabal\u0131k erkek grubuna g\u00f6r\u00fcnce \u201cKimsiniz?\u201d dedim. Polis hemen \u201cA\u00e7\u0131n kap\u0131y\u0131!\u201d diye ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. \u201c\u00dcst\u00fcme bir \u015fey almam gerekiyor, geliyorum\u201d, dedim. Daha \u00e7ok ba\u011f\u0131rmaya ba\u015flad\u0131lar. M\u00fcsait hale girip kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m. Bir anda eve girdiler. E\u015fimi uyand\u0131rd\u0131m hemen. \u0130ki \u00e7ocu\u011fum var ama k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck olan evdeydi. B\u00fcy\u00fck olan tatil i\u00e7in anneannesinin, dedesinin yan\u0131nda farkl\u0131 bir \u015fehirde idi. Bizi direkt esimle salonda yan yana degil, karsi karsiya oturttular. Hemen aciklama yapip, kom\u015fumuzu cagirip evde arama yapmaya ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Ama \u00e7elik yelekleri ve silahlar\u0131 ile geldiler. Ger\u00e7ekten bir ter\u00f6r bask\u0131n\u0131 gibiydi. 3 – 4 saate yak\u0131n arama yapt\u0131lar evimizde. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey bulamad\u0131lar.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

En son e\u015fimin haz\u0131rlanmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini, g\u00f6t\u00fcreceklerini s\u00f6ylediler. Ve \u015fey dediler. Onu hi\u00e7 unutmuyorum, unutmayaca\u011f\u0131m da. \u201cVedala\u015f\u0131n, art\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015femezsiniz.\u201d, dediler. D\u00f6nd\u00fcm ve bakt\u0131m. \u201cIdama mi g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyorsunuz?” diyecektim. E\u015fime bir \u015feyler yaparlar korkusuyla diyemedim. Sonra e\u015fimi kap\u0131ya g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler, kelep\u00e7elediler. Memurlar herhalde farketmeden \u00f6nden kelep\u00e7eledi. Arkadan biraz daha \u00fcst oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm memur hemen m\u00fcdahale etti. \u201cHay\u0131r, arkadan kelep\u00e7eleyeceksiniz.\u201d diye. Zahmet ettiler, indiler kelep\u00e7enin anahtar\u0131ni arabadan getirdiler. Biraz vakit harcadilar sirf onden taktiklari kelep\u00e7eyi arkadan takmak i\u00e7in. Oyle g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcnde Allah’tan \u00e7ocuk yoktu o esnada. Bak\u0131c\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k ve ona gondermistik. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben de e\u015fimle gidebildi\u011fim noktaya kadar arabayla pe\u015finden gitmeyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum. O \u015fekilde gittim. E\u015fimin arkadan kelep\u00e7eli hastaneye kadar gidi\u015fini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Hastanede arabadan indirdiklerinde bileklerini ogu\u015fturuyordu e\u015fim. Bu \u015fekilde gitti..<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

16 g\u00fcn boyunca ben her g\u00fcn -ben memurum, memurdum daha do\u011frusu- o d\u00f6nemde memur izinleri iptal edilmi\u015fti. \u0130zin almaniz m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi. Hastanelerin rapor bile vermesi yasakt\u0131. Ayakta tedavi edip, hemen \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p ya da yat\u0131rarak (<\/span>tedavi ediliyordu<\/span><\/i>) yani sizin nerede oldu\u011funuzun bilinmesi gerekiyordu benim anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kadar\u0131yla. Ya hastanedesiniz ya i\u015f yerinde. Hi\u00e7 kimseden izin alamad\u0131m, kimseye s\u00f6yleyemedim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bir cad\u0131 av\u0131 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. G\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. E\u015fimin al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yledi\u011fim g\u00fcn kendimin de al\u0131nmas\u0131ndan, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n ortada kalmas\u0131ndan korkuyordum. \u0130\u015fte hep esim i\u00e7in ne yapabilirim diye ko\u015fturuyordum. Hani hi\u00e7 siz karakola bile gitmemi\u015fsiniz, bilmiyorsunuz. Ama e\u015finiz g\u00f6zalt\u0131nda ve \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fc g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f. Sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan, hayat\u0131ndan endi\u015fe ediyorsunuz. Nezaret ortam\u0131n\u0131 ara\u015ft\u0131rmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYemek yok, yatacak yer yok.\u201d diye okuyorsunuz. Sandvi\u00e7 verirler, vesaire. Yemek yiyemiyorsunuz, yat\u0131p uyuyam\u0131yorsunuz. Kimseye bir \u015fey diyemiyorsunuz. Aksam agliyorsunuz, sabah i\u015fe gidiyorsunuz. \u0130\u015ften \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum yaklasik 40 kilometre uzakl\u0131kta ba\u015fka \u015fehre g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fc e\u015fim, o \u015fehir i\u00e7inde yarg\u0131lan\u0131yordu, o adliyede ve o polis merkezi’nde kal\u0131yordu. Her g\u00fcn ak\u015fam i\u015f \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131 oraya gittim. Tek yapabildi\u011fim a\u011flamakti. Ter\u00f6rle m\u00fccadele \u015fubesinin \u00f6n\u00fcnde.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

E\u015fimden b\u00f6yle bir haber almaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken, i\u015fte bir g\u00fcn de bizim \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ofise geldiler polisler. Pazartesi ak\u015fam\u0131yd\u0131. \u0130\u015f \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131 yine ter\u00f6rle m\u00fccadelenin \u00f6n\u00fcne gitmi\u015ftim. E\u015fimin mahkemeye sevk edildi\u011fini \u00f6\u011frendim. Adliyeye gittim. Gece 1e kadar bekledik, ablamlar falan geldi ama mahkeme gorulemedi, sabaha b\u0131rak\u0131ld\u0131. Sabah i\u015fe gitmek zorundayd\u0131m. Bir \u015feyler ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 az \u00e7ok tahmin ediyordum ve gitmek zorundayd\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ka\u00e7ti diyeceklerdi. O esnada tabii ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 da bilemiyoruz. \u0130\u015fe gittim sabah. Ablam ve karde\u015fimi adliyeye g\u00f6nderdim e\u015fim i\u00e7in.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sabah polisler geldi beni de ald\u0131lar. Ben \u201c\u0130ki-\u00fc\u00e7 g\u00fcnde biter in\u015fallah; esim serbest kal\u0131r.\u201d diye dua ederek b\u00f6yle diye diye en son i\u015fyerinden ald\u0131lar. Yeniden eve g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler evimiz arandi tekrar benim i\u00e7in. O esnada birinin olmas\u0131 gerekiyor, \u201chazirun\u201d deniyor o ki\u015fiye de. Polis sizin d\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131zda apartmandan bir kom\u015funuzu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor. Kom\u015fum \u00e7ok a\u011flad\u0131 \u201cBu k\u0131zdan, bu aileden ne istiyorsunuz? \u0130ki tane \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 var. Bu insanlari bize sorun, soru\u015fturun.\u201d G\u00f6t\u00fcrmeden \u00f6nce \u00e7ok yalvard\u0131 beni g\u00f6t\u00fcrmemeleri i\u00e7in \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 ortada kalacak diye a\u011flayarak polislere. Ama tabi yapacak bir \u015fey yoktu, g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben e\u015fimin serbest kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rmeden g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nd\u0131m. Biz de \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z kurumdan g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nan ilk gruptuk. Ve ciddi manada o ilk olanlara, bizden \u00f6ncekilere de ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde ciddi bir vatan haini muamelesi yap\u0131ld\u0131. Yemek, hatta su verme noktas\u0131nda bile \u00e7ok hassaslardi diyece\u011fim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc onlar i\u00e7in bize kar\u015f\u0131 hassas davranmalar\u0131 gerekiyor. Bize ne kadar eziyet ederlerse onlar o kadar iyi memur olduklar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Bunu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nd\u0131ktan sonra. Ya da bize herhangi bir iyilik yaparlarsa ekmeklerinden olacaklar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorlar. Hem cezaevinde hem g\u00f6zalt\u0131nda bunu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Biz art\u0131k kimseden iyilik beklemiyorduk. Sadece olmas\u0131 gerekeni bekliyorduk. G\u00f6zalt\u0131 s\u00fcresince de en \u00e7ok can\u0131m\u0131 ac\u0131tan ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fclerimizin al\u0131nmas\u0131 oldu. \u0130nan\u00e7 \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz \u00fclkemizde 24 saat kameralarla izlenen k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir odada kendimizi asar\u0131z diye, di\u011fer k\u0131yafetlerimizle asamay\u0131z herhalde, ama ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fclerimizle asabiliriz diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fckleri i\u00e7in ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fclerimizi ald\u0131lar. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir odada biz 16-17 ki\u015fi yatt\u0131k. 3 koguslu bir nezarette kaldik. Toplamda 48 ki\u015fiydik. Dedi\u011fim gibi yani yari a\u00e7 yar\u0131 tok, emziren anneler vard\u0131. Bebekleri geliyordu. Hani bebe\u011fini doyururken uyuyor. Anne de hasret gidermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor ama oradan hemen sesleniyorlar \u201cyeter art\u0131k\u201d diye. Bebe\u011fin doyup doymad\u0131\u011f\u0131 de\u011fil, polisin yeter deyip demedigi onemli.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Benim \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m b\u00fcy\u00fck oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in zaten yan\u0131ma almam, onlar\u0131 g\u00f6rmem gibi bir \u015fey s\u00f6z konusu de\u011fildi. Ben hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmedim bu s\u00fcrede. Sadece s\u00fct veren anneler g\u00f6rebildi. Onlar da babalar\u0131ndan teslim alam\u0131yordu. Yani benim o\u011flum da bir\u00e7ok \u00e7ocuk gibi yabanc\u0131ya gitmez. Ama o \u00e7ocuklar a\u011flaya a\u011flaya babadan al\u0131n\u0131yor. Anneye hemen sald\u0131r\u0131yor, atl\u0131yor. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bir yabanc\u0131da a\u011fl\u0131yor annesinin, s\u00fct veren bir annenin kucaginda uyuyor. Ve yeniden ayr\u0131l\u0131yor yine a\u011flayarak bir yabanc\u0131yla baba’ya gitmek \u00fczere..\u00a0 Ve anne a\u011fl\u0131yor. \u00c7ocuk a\u011fl\u0131yor. Butun ko\u011fu\u015f a\u011fl\u0131yor o cocuk anneden giderken..<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Zordu, benim i\u00e7in de \u015fu \u00e7ok zordu: E\u015fimin tutuklanmas\u0131n\u0131 bekliyordum ama serbest kalm\u0131\u015f. Bunu \u00f6\u011frenmek i\u00e7in \u00e7ok yalvard\u0131m polislere. \u0130ki \u00e7ocu\u011fum var, e\u015fim de g\u00f6zalt\u0131ndaydi. Beni de ald\u0131n\u0131z. Onun da davasi g\u00f6r\u00fclecekti. \u201cNe oldu, ne olur s\u00f6yleyin\u201d. Benim i\u00e7in g\u00f6zalt\u0131 en \u00e7ok bu y\u00fczden zordu. 5. ya da 4. g\u00fcn\u00fc hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum, her g\u00fcn bizi darp, cebir var m\u0131 diye doktora g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcp, ko\u011fu\u015fa getiriyorlar. O s\u0131rada ad\u0131m\u0131n yaz\u0131l\u0131 oldu\u011fu bir po\u015fet g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ust\u00fcmu de\u011fi\u015fmem gerekiyordu. A\u011fustos s\u0131ca\u011f\u0131 16 ki\u015fi bir odada yat\u0131yorsunuz ve ciddi manada terliyorsunuz. Art\u0131k 5 g\u00fcn, 6 g\u00fcn olmu\u015f hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum hangi g\u00fcn oldu\u011funu. Po\u015fetin \u00fczerinde ad\u0131m\u0131n yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce \u201cAilem bana k\u0131yafet getirmis herhalde. Ad\u0131m yaz\u0131yor, alabilir miyim ko\u011fu\u015fa ge\u00e7meden?\u201d dedim. \u201cTamam, dedi \u00e7abuk al.\u201d, dedi. \u201cAld\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 bana g\u00f6ster, yerine ge\u00e7.\u201d, dedi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTamam\u201d dedim.\u00a0 Islak mendil \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 bir paket. \u201cAlabilir miyim bunu?\u201d dedim. \u201cNezarethaneye birka\u00e7 tane al.\u201d dedi.\u00a0 Bir a\u00e7 dedi a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131mda \u0131slak mendili i\u00e7indeki ilk koruyucu ka\u011f\u0131d\u0131n \u00fczerinde e\u015fimin yaz\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. \u201cBen iyiyim, sen de iyi olacaks\u0131n in\u015fallah.\u201d yazm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Kendi el yaz\u0131s\u0131 olmasa ben onun serbest kald\u0131\u011f\u0131na inanmazd\u0131m. K\u0131yafetlerimin bu icindeki hem ense taraf\u0131ndaki etiketlerine olabildi\u011fince k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feyler yazm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Onlar\u0131 tek tek ald\u0131m. Tabii di\u011ferlerini i\u00e7eri ge\u00e7tikten sonra kontrol ettim ne var diye. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck notlar yazm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 i\u00e7eride beni ayakta tutacak. Hani iyi olacaks\u0131n vesaire.. Sevgisini dile getirmi\u015fti..<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Polis onlar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce k\u0131zd\u0131; \u201cne okuyorsun\u201d diye elimden \u00e7ekti. Ben de sadece g\u00f6sterdim. \u201cBenim e\u015fim not yazm\u0131\u015f. Serbest kald\u0131\u011f\u0131ni bana iletmek istemi\u015f.\u201d dedim. Ben yerdeyim, o ayakta. Beni \u00e7ok \u00e7ok daha b\u00f6yle ezmek manas\u0131nda \u015feyler s\u00f6yledi ve ayakta olmas\u0131 da onun i\u00e7in bir avantaj idi. O ani anlatamam. Ben sevin\u00e7ten u\u00e7uyorum e\u015fim serbest, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda ve \u015fey dedim o esnada; \u201cSadece serbest kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 iletmek istemi\u015f, \u00e7ok mutluyum inanin size sar\u0131labilirim.\u201d dedim bayan polise. O da ayakta, elleriyle b\u00f6yle i\u011fren\u00e7 bir \u015feyi itercesine \u201csak\u0131n bula\u015fma i\u00e7erde koku\u015ftunuz\u201d dedi.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben de b\u00f6yle bakt\u0131m sadece. \u201cSadece ne kadar mutlu oldu\u011fumu ifade etmek i\u00e7in, sar\u0131lmayacaktim zaten.\u201d dedim ve i\u00e7eri ge\u00e7tim. Yani hi\u00e7bir \u015fey \u00f6nemli de\u011fildi orada. Bana vursa da \u00f6nemli de\u011fildi, k\u00fcf\u00fcr etse de onemli degildi. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc e\u015fim serbest kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ben ge\u00e7tim iste e\u015fimin yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 notlari k\u0131yafetlerden g\u00f6steriyorum, a\u011fl\u0131yorum sevin\u00e7ten. Yine i\u00e7erideki herkes a\u011fl\u0131yor. Yani \u015f\u00f6yle bir \u015fey var. Birinin sevinci, birinin \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fc herkesi a\u011flatabiliyor, duygulandirabiliyor. Orada herkes ayni durumda cunku. Herkes ayri, \u00e7ocu\u011fundan, e\u015finden ayr\u0131, ailesinden ayr\u0131, annesinden, babas\u0131ndan. Biz b\u00f6yle b\u00f6yle 11 g\u00fcn ge\u00e7irdik orada ve 11. gun art\u0131k i\u015fte arkada\u015flar, banyo yapacak olanlar var, i\u015fte di\u015f f\u0131r\u00e7alayacak, di\u015f f\u0131r\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 vermiyor polisler. Ama nas\u0131lsa art\u0131k adliyeye sevk ediliyoruz, \u201ceve gidece\u011fiz, serbest b\u0131rak\u0131laca\u011f\u0131z in\u015fallah\u201d diye \u00e7ok umutluyuz. Kimse ne di\u015f f\u0131r\u00e7as\u0131n\u0131 almak i\u00e7in m\u00fccadele ediyor polisle, nasilsa eve gidecegim diye.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bize sabah sekizde s\u00f6yledi haz\u0131rlan\u0131n diye. 11:00 de ald\u0131lar adliyeye g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler. Ak\u015fam alt\u0131ya kadar bekledik. 6:00 da ba\u015flad\u0131 duru\u015fmam\u0131z. Tek tek ald\u0131lar. Gece 3:00 e kadar karar\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131n\u0131 bekledik. Hani baya\u011f\u0131 uzun bir s\u00fcre yerlerde, oradaki koltuklarda, etraf\u0131m\u0131zdaki polislerle (<\/span>bekledik<\/span><\/i>); gece 3:00 te bizi duru\u015fma salonuna ald\u0131lar. 35 ki\u015fiyiz, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir duru\u015fma salonu. Herkes ayakta. Herkesin kolunda bir polis, \u00e7evik kuvvet. Hakim k\u00fcrs\u00fcde \u015funu dedi ve gitti: \u201c\u0130ki bayan hari\u00e7 dedi -adlarini soyledi- geri kalan hepsini tutukluyorum. Akl\u0131n\u0131z ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131za gelsin.\u201d dedi. Nokta. C\u00fcbbeyi \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 ve gitti.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Herkes a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Ben dedim ki durun \u015faka yap\u0131yor, geri gelecek. Yani tutuklamaz, hepimizi tutuklamaz\u2026 Yani \u201cNe yapt\u0131k ki?\u201d diyorum. Herkes bay\u0131l\u0131yor. Erkek arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z bile, ayn\u0131 kurumda \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z meslekta\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z bile, bakt\u0131m herkes \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. Herkes a\u011fl\u0131yor. \u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar\u2026 \u0130\u015fte \u00e7ocu\u011fumu istiyorum diyenler\u2026 Ama hakim geri d\u00f6nmedi. Yani akl\u0131n\u0131z ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131za gelsin diyerek tutuklad\u0131 ve gitti.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hepimiz korkuyoruz ama benim en b\u00fcy\u00fck korkum art\u0131k bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te bize daha fazla ne yaparlar? Korku bir bayan olarak dayak yersiniz unutursunuz, a\u00e7 kal\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z unutursunuz, karn\u0131n\u0131z doyunca unutursunuz. Ama yap\u0131lan ba\u015fka \u015feyleri unutmayabilirsiniz. Ben \u00e7ok korkuyordum bundan. Ceza evine gittik. \u0130\u015fte o g\u00fcn\u00fc asla unutamam. Zaten emniyette de yap\u0131ld\u0131. Yap\u0131lan \u00fcst aramas\u0131 \u00e7ok onur gurur k\u0131r\u0131c\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Cezaevine giri\u015f \u00e7ok zor. Sonradan belki alisiyorsunuz ama yap\u0131lan i\u015flemler \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r. Bir bayan olarak \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r. Asla unutmam. (agliyor) Cezaevine al\u0131nd\u0131ktan sonra ge\u00e7ici ko\u011fu\u015fta kald\u0131k yar\u0131m g\u00fcn kadar. Ge\u00e7ici ko\u011fu\u015fta 6 yatak vard\u0131. Biz 13 ki\u015fiydik. Sonra bizi h\u00fccrelere ald\u0131lar. Normalde h\u00fccrede tek kal\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z. \u00dc\u00e7 g\u00fcn artik ko\u011fu\u015fa al\u0131nana kadar. Biz 13 ki\u015fi bir anda gitti\u011fimiz i\u00e7in h\u00fccrelerde yer yoktu iki\u015fer ki\u015fi h\u00fccrede kald\u0131k 3 g\u00fcn. Haberlerde denilen bir \u015fey vard\u0131, ya\u011fmurlu g\u00fcnde bunlara su yok diye. H\u00fccrede bunu ya\u015fad\u0131k. G\u00f6zalt\u0131ndan geliyorsunuz, hi\u00e7bir \u015feyiniz yok. Cezaevine girerken \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fczdeki baz\u0131 k\u0131yafetler bile yasak. Mavi yasak, ye\u015fil yasak, lacivert yasak, vatkal\u0131 yasak, yaz\u0131l\u0131 yasak vesaire… Bir \u00e7ok \u015fey yasak.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yan\u0131n\u0131za k\u0131yafetinizi bile sokam\u0131yorsunuz. G\u00f6zalt\u0131ndan getirdi\u011finiz kirli de olsa de\u011fi\u015ftirebilece\u011finiz y\u0131kayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z bir k\u0131yafeti alam\u0131yorsunuz. \u201cAilenin getirmesini bekle\u201d diyorlar. Biz h\u00fccreye al\u0131nd\u0131k. Oyle 11 g\u00fcn g\u00f6zalt\u0131 sonras\u0131 oraya koydular ve hi\u00e7bir \u015fey vermediler. Yar\u0131m bardak \u015fampuan vermi\u015flerdi hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m. Su istedik. Bir \u015fi\u015fe su geldi. Kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inde \u00e7i\u011fnenmi\u015f, yap\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u00e7ilekli bir sak\u0131z vard\u0131. Hatta ilk onu g\u00f6rmeden su i\u00e7ti\u011fimde sudaki \u00e7ilek aromas\u0131 \u00e7ok dikkatimi \u00e7ekmi\u015fti. \u00c7ok de\u011fi\u015fik gelmi\u015fti ama kullan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir suydu. Biz de i\u00e7ine ne katm\u0131\u015flard\u0131r acaba ve bilemiyoruz diye i\u00e7emedik. Normalde ihtiya\u00e7 gidermeye bile giderken tiksindi\u011finiz \u015fekilde bir tuvaletten, onun muslu\u011fundan giderdik su ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

U\u00e7 g\u00fcn kald\u0131k arkada\u015fla \u015f\u00f6yle bir karar ald\u0131k. H\u00fccrede zaman ge\u00e7miyor ve e\u011fer kendimizi k\u00f6t\u00fcye iterseniz orada, yani ben bizi orada tutacaklar\u0131n\u0131 ve akil sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zla oynayacaklar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm ilk zamanlar. Buradan \u00e7\u0131karmayacaklar ve pis, yetersiz ortamda ge\u00e7irece\u011fiz cezaevi surecini diye. Ger\u00e7ekten insan\u0131n ak\u0131l sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131ni sarsacak bir ortam, yap\u0131lan muamele ciddi manada uzun s\u00fcre kalsayd\u0131k. Allah yard\u0131m etsin kalanlara. Ciddi manada bu kadar sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmayabilirdim oradan. Onu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

U\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn bizi ko\u011fu\u015fa ald\u0131lar. Hem bizim alindigimiz ko\u011fu\u015f bo\u015ftu, bombo\u015ftu. Kapiyi kapattilar ve gittiler. Simdi bizlerde bir hassasiyet var. Duvarlarda bir acil butonu var ama hani acil butonu. Hi\u00e7bir \u015feyimiz yok yine ko\u011fu\u015fta. Ne bardak, ne catal, ne kasik hicbir sey yok. Sadece duvarlari olan bo\u015f bir mekan. Kirli. Sandalye var, masa var. Baska hicbir sey yok. Demir kapi acildi. Bayanlar karavanay\u0131 alin diye bir ses. Karavana buyuk bir sefer tasi, demir. Buyuk demir bir kap. Sefer tasinin buyugunu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn. Ald\u0131k. Karavana ne bilmiyoruz. Kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131k bakt\u0131k. Yemek. A\u00e7\u0131z ama yiyecek ka\u015f\u0131k yok. Koyacak tabak yok. Yemek bize bak\u0131yor biz 13 bayan yemeye bak\u0131yoruz. \u015eimdi acil butonuna basaca\u011f\u0131z, \u00e7ekiniyoruz. Acil bir durum de\u011fil bu bizim i\u00e7in. Ne\u00a0 kadar a\u00e7 olursak olal\u0131m. Hani herkeste bir hassasiyet var. Kap\u0131ya vuruyoruz gelen yok.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Me\u011fer siz o butona basmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z s\u00fcrece kimse kap\u0131n\u0131za gelemezmi\u015f, teror kogususunuz ve malum su\u00e7tan. Ben \u00e7ok \u00f6z\u00fcr dileyerek kullan\u0131yorum bu kelimeyi. Surekli sorduklar\u0131 i\u00e7in 10 ay boyunca hangi kogus? Hangi su\u00e7? Cevab\u0131n\u0131z hep \u201cfet\u00f6\u201d oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in. Cezaevi bu s\u00fcrecim oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in ben bu kelimeye \u00e7ok al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ve fet\u00f6 kogusu oldu\u011fumuz i\u00e7in kap\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 bir gardiyan acil butonuna basmadan gelmez, gelemez. Korkar, kamera var. Acil butonuna basmadan gelmesi onun i\u00e7in risklidir.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bunu bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te \u00f6\u011frendik. Hepsi bunu s\u00f6ylediler. Neyse sonra bir \u015fekilde derdimizi anlatt\u0131k. 10 tane ka\u015f\u0131k geldi. Kantin g\u00fcn\u00fc varm\u0131\u015f. O g\u00fcnu beklememiz gerekiyormus alisveris icin. Biz 13 ki\u015fi corba dahi olsa 10 tane plastik kasikla ortadan s\u0131ra ile yemek yedik, karn\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 doyurduk. Bunlar \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli de\u011fil ama bu kadar\u0131n\u0131 beklemedi\u011fim i\u00e7in ben, bana o esnada b\u00fcy\u00fck gelmi\u015fti. Sonra ya\u015fananlar\u0131n uzerine \u00e7ok \u00e7ok da m\u00fchim de\u011fildi asl\u0131nda aclik.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bu \u015fekilde karn\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 doyurduk. \u0130htiya\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 s\u00fcrekli talep ediyoruz ama s\u00fcrekli b\u00f6yle bir bir duvara \u00e7arp\u0131yorsunuz. Bir ihtiyac\u0131n\u0131z var ama yapt\u0131rabilmek i\u00e7in s\u00fcrekli m\u00fccadele gerekiyor.\u00a0 Olmas\u0131 gerekeni bile m\u00fccadele etmeden alam\u0131yorsunuz. Cezaevi b\u00f6yle bir yer. \u0130lk h\u00fccreden al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131miz g\u00fcn, i\u015fte tam da bug\u00fcn isimler okundu. Duvarda bir cihazdan bir \u015feyler anons ettiler. Cihazdan hepimizin isimleri anons edildi. P\u00fcr dikkat hepimiz dinliyoruz. Benimle iki arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131n ad\u0131 ge\u00e7medi. Ama anonsun sonunda kapal\u0131 g\u00f6rus icin haz\u0131rlan\u0131n denildi.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Benim ad\u0131m ge\u00e7meyince yani b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey tabii ki olamaz o iki arkada\u015fla a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131k. Ben bizi unuttular galiba dedim. Yani kimse gelmemis bize diye aglamaya basladim. Herkesi g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler. (a\u011fl\u0131yor) i\u015fte 10 ki\u015fiyi aldilar, 3 ki\u015fi kald\u0131 ko\u011fu\u015fta. Kaldik yani. Kap\u0131 kapand\u0131. Onlar gitti. Ben h\u00fcng\u00fcr h\u00fcng\u00fcr a\u011fl\u0131yorum. Hani niye gelmediler, beni burada b\u0131rakt\u0131lar m\u0131 diye \u00e7ok korktum. Halbuki \u00f6yle bir \u015fey olmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 biliyorum ama orada durunca \u00f6yle bir psikolojiniz oluyor. Sonra ko\u011fu\u015fun kap\u0131s\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. Bizim isimlerimizi de s\u00f6yledi gelen gardiyan, bizi b\u00f6yle g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. \u0130lk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f \u00e7ok zordu.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

E\u015fimi neredeyse 1 ay\u0131n \u00fczerine g\u00f6rm\u00fcyordum ve kotu g\u00f6r\u00fcnuyordu. O da g\u00f6zalt\u0131nda 10 g\u00fcn kelep\u00e7eli yatmis. Hi\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131karmam\u0131\u015flar. Sadece tuvalete g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcrken \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015flar. Ne namaz k\u0131larken, ne yemek yerken kelep\u00e7elerini hi\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131karmam\u0131\u015flar 10 g\u00fcn boyunca. Cok kilo vermi\u015fti. \u0130\u015fte kay\u0131nvalidem, kay\u0131npederim, ablam, e\u015fim, karde\u015fim. Annemler farkl\u0131 \u015fehirdeydi, benim tutuklulu\u011funun ilk haftas\u0131 geldiler. O gun onlar yoktu g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fte. Orada ben anne dedim: Nas\u0131ld\u0131? \u0130yi miydi? Bana iyiyim diyor ama.. \u201cBu \u00e7ok iyi hali k\u0131z\u0131m\u201d dedi. E\u015fim i\u00e7in \u201c\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fcyd\u00fc\u201d dedi. Ama bence o zaman da \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fcyd\u00fc, \u00e7ok zay\u0131flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. 16 g\u00fcnde 6 ya da 8 kilo vermi\u015f e\u015fim.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flumu getirmi\u015fler. B\u00fcy\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc ben 4 ay g\u00f6rmedim. Cezaevinde oldu\u011fumu s\u00f6ylemedik. Okuma yazma bildi\u011fi i\u00e7in de cezaevine getiremedik. \u0130lkokula gidiyordu. Bunu bir arkada\u015f\u0131na s\u00f6ylerse; biliyorsunuz ilkokul \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 nas\u0131l ac\u0131mas\u0131z. Ve malum okullarda 15 Temmuz i\u015fleniyor. Annesi hapishanede. Dalga ge\u00e7erler, can\u0131n\u0131 yakarlar diye s\u00f6ylemedik. O y\u00fczden sadece kapal\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerde k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flumu getiriyorlardi ama g\u00f6stermiyorlardi. Cam\u0131 tekmeler, aglar beni uzer diye. Oyle de oldu zaten. \u0130lk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fte sadece cam\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnden kucakta ge\u00e7iriyorlard\u0131 beni g\u00f6rmeden. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131 sadece b\u00f6yle g\u00f6rebildim uzun sure.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

B\u00fcy\u00fcgu g\u00f6remedim zaten de, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bu \u015fekilde g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. \u0130lk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fte bayanlar g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f bitiyor denildi. Telefon daha kesilmeden, o ilk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f biterken ailemden kim ald\u0131ysa telefonu esim dahil; \u201cBeni burada unutmay\u0131n, ne olur. Haftaya yine gelin.\u201d diye yalvarm\u0131\u015f\u0131m a\u011flayarak. E\u015fim \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca bunu daha ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 anlatti cok \u00fczd\u00fcn bizi diye. \u201cSen kedi yavrusu de\u011filsin ki seni unutalim\u201d dedi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ama orada \u00f6yle bir hissiyat oldu. Buraya bizi ziyarete geldi\u011finde de ablalar, ilk gelen ekibe s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftim bunu, ayn\u0131 hislerle sizleri u\u011furluyorum, \u201cBizi burada unutmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z i\u00e7in te\u015fekk\u00fcr ederim.\u201d dedim. Bu araman\u0131z bile, bizim i\u00e7in deste\u011finizin oldugunu gormek, cok guzel. Unutulmamak \u00e7ok g\u00fczel.. Karde\u015flerimizin oldugunu bilmek \u00e7ok g\u00fczel.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130lk a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc anlataca\u011f\u0131m, \u00e7ok uzun olacak \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc her \u015feyi ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 anlat\u0131rsam. Ilk kapal\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f b\u00f6yle bitti. Ilk a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fczde de -yani ne zaman oldu\u011funu hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum ama- 2 ayda bir g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f vard\u0131. Tutukland\u0131ktan 1 veya 2 ay sonra a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f yap\u0131ld\u0131. A\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f zaman\u0131yd\u0131 ve bize de yap\u0131ld\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe gitmek bir dert, gitmemek bir dert. Gitmeme gibi bir \u015fans\u0131m\u0131z yok ama bir hafta \u00f6ncesinden mideniz a\u011fr\u0131maya ba\u015fl\u0131yor. Gidiyorsunuz, d\u00f6n\u00fcyorsunuz ko\u011fu\u015fa. Sevdiklerinizden ayr\u0131lmak \u00e7ok zor. Bir daha iki ay sonra b\u00f6yle g\u00f6rerek onlara sar\u0131labiliyorsunuz. Bu \u00e7ok zor. Ilk gittik o\u011flum beni uzun s\u00fcredir g\u00f6rm\u00fcyordu. Hem cezaevindeki tutukluluk s\u00fcresi, hem g\u00f6zalt\u0131 s\u00fcresi a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe kadar beklenilen zaman. Yine b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flum gelmemi\u015fti. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flumu getirdiler. Hep umudumuz hani \u00e7\u0131kar, annesinin hapiste oldu\u011funu bilmesindi. Aran\u0131zda bir masa var. Ailenize o masanin bir taraf\u0131ndan sar\u0131labiliyorsunuz. Yani onlarin yanina gecemiyorsunuz. Ama \u00e7ocu\u011funuzu kuca\u011f\u0131n\u0131za alabiliyorsunuz. Kuca\u011f\u0131ma ald\u0131m ufakl\u0131\u011f\u0131. Masaya oturttum ve sarildim. \u0130yice onu b\u00f6yle kendime yasladim ama o geri \u00e7ekilip y\u00fcz\u00fcme bak\u0131yor. \u0130nanam\u0131yor ya da y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc unutmu\u015f. 3 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131 o esnada. Cok konu\u015fmad\u0131. Bak\u0131p bak\u0131p anne diye dokunup bir daha sar\u0131ld\u0131. Ama s\u00fcrekli geri \u00e7ekilerek sanki beni kontrol etme ihtiyac\u0131 hissetti. Y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc \u00f6pt\u00fc. Y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fcn her taraf\u0131ni yalad\u0131, sar\u0131ld\u0131. Tabii 45 dakika bitiyor..\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

G\u00fcnlerdir belki aylard\u0131r annesini g\u00f6rmemi\u015f. Aylar sonra annesine sar\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131na bile inanam\u0131yor. S\u00fcrekli bakt\u0131 dokundu, bir daha sar\u0131ld\u0131. G\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f bitti. Kuca\u011f\u0131mda herkese sar\u0131ld\u0131m. E\u015fime, anneme, babama, karde\u015flerime hepsine sar\u0131ld\u0131m. (agliyor) Bizi ald\u0131klar\u0131 demir kap\u0131ya kadar y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm kuca\u011f\u0131mda. En son teslim edece\u011fim. Annemin almas\u0131 gerekiyor. Hani iki eliyle yakama yapisti. Ben bir elini \u00e7ekiyorum di\u011fer eliyle tutuyor. O elini kurtar\u0131yorum, o kadar g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc tutuyor ki; onu b\u00f6yle yakamdan s\u00f6k\u00fcp atmak zorunda kald\u0131m. Ama cok agladi. Beni ald\u0131lar. Kap\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131na ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor annemi getirin diye. Yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131z hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yok. (agliyor). Ben bir hafta hi\u00e7 kendime gelemedim. \u0130lk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fc asla unutmam. Bir annenin kendini isteyen \u00e7ocu\u011funu yakas\u0131ndan s\u00f6k\u00fcp atmas\u0131 kadar ac\u0131 bir \u015fey yok. Bunu anne olan da anlar anne olmayan da anlar. En \u00e7ok bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te \u00e7ocuklar ma\u011fdur oldu annesiz babas\u0131z kalan.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1 ay, 15 g\u00fcn b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flum telefonda bana babas\u0131n\u0131 sormu\u015ftu. Hep ba\u015fka \u015fehre \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaya gitti\u011fini s\u00f6yledim. O\u011flum \u015fey dedi; babam ba\u015fka \u015fehre \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaya gitmeden \u00f6nce beni arardi dedi. \u201cO \u015fehirde telefonla neden aramadi anne beni? Babam beni hi\u00e7 aram\u0131yor. Bir \u015fey oldu s\u00f6ylemiyorsun.\u201d, dedi. Yani ona babas\u0131n\u0131n yoklu\u011funu anlatamazken, ben b\u0131rakt\u0131m gittim. Onun deyimiyle ben b\u0131rakt\u0131m gittim. Tabii ki istemedim.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

B\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumla telefon g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc yapabiliyordum sadece. Ben tutukland\u0131ktan sonra benim evimi ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131lar. E\u015fimin i\u015fi yok art\u0131k; benim i\u015fim yok. Evimi kay\u0131nvalidemin evine ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131lar, farkl\u0131 bir semte. \u0130kametgah adresi de\u011fi\u015fti\u011fi i\u00e7in, telefondaki adresten farkl\u0131 oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in, telefon faturas\u0131ndaki adresten e\u015fimin evraklar\u0131 ayarlamas\u0131 1-1,5 ayi buldu. O y\u00fczden ben b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumun sesini dahi yakla\u015f\u0131k bir bu\u00e7uk ay sonra duydum. Onunla sadece telefon g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmesi yap\u0131yorduk. Cezaevine getirmiyorduk. O g\u00fcn ya okula g\u00f6ndermiyorlard\u0131 ya erken al\u0131yorlard\u0131. Ben arad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda onunla konu\u015fuyordum. O da telefonda yalvar\u0131yordu. O daha b\u00fcy\u00fck tabi hep yurtd\u0131\u015f\u0131na gitti\u011fimi s\u00f6ylemi\u015fler. Anne neden bize s\u00f6ylemeden gittin? Ben seni g\u00f6rmedim.\u00a0 \u00c7anakkale’deydim zaten. Anneannemler getirdi beni; seni g\u00f6remedim. \u201cPara kazanmak zorunda m\u0131s\u0131n anne? Bizim param\u0131z var. Geri don.\u201d Hep telefonda yalvard\u0131. Normalde telefonda iki haftada bir 10 dakikan\u0131z var.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

O dakikalar d\u00fc\u015ferken i\u00e7iniz yan\u0131yor kapanacak diye. Ama b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumla konu\u015furken kapans\u0131n diye dua ettigim oldu. Sorular\u0131na cevap veremiyorum bir anne olarak. Yani \u00e7ok mant\u0131kl\u0131, hakli sorular soruyor. \u201cNiye beni b\u0131rak\u0131p gittin? Niye daha fazla aram\u0131yorsun?\u201d Bana sey diyor:\u00a0 \u201cBeni daha fazla nas\u0131l arayabilirsin google’a yaz arasana. Arastir da bul, beni ara.\u201d diyor. \u201cNe i\u015f yap\u0131yorsun?, vs.\u201d Hi\u00e7birinin bende cevab\u0131 yok tabi benim sesim titremeye baslayinca hemen e\u015fim telefonu al\u0131yor biraz da ben konu\u015fay\u0131m diye. Anneni uzme oglum boyle deme vs.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

B\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flumu art\u0131k \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc unutaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm art\u0131k. D\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc ay e\u015fime dedim; a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f olacakt\u0131 bir \u015fey s\u00f6yle yalan s\u00f6yle ve getir. \u00c7ok istiyorum g\u00f6rmeyi. Art\u0131k cok \u00f6zledim onu. Hani annen u\u00e7akla buraya geldi. Buradan evraklar\u0131n\u0131 alacaklar, dosyalar\u0131n\u0131 alacaklar tekrar yurt disina gidecekler diye getirmi\u015f. Geldi, elimi tuttu. \u201cHadi anne eve gidelim\u201d dedi. \u201cSen bir sonraki u\u00e7akla gidersin, arkadaslarin gitsin\u201d dedi. \u201cBu aksam evde kal\u201d dedi. Yalvard\u0131. Gelemem dedim, a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. (agliyor) Seni burada zorla m\u0131 tutuyorlar dedi.\u00a0 Biz cikarken dedi sen bizim elimizden tut, biz seni ka\u00e7\u0131ral\u0131m dedi. Ben \u00f6yle deyince, \u201cYok anneci\u011fim burada isteyerek kal\u0131yorum. Ben i\u015fimi seviyorum. Sen b\u00f6yle yaparsan beni i\u015ften atarlar. Gelemiyorum.\u201d Iste o esnada ama do\u011fru ama yanl\u0131\u015f neler s\u00f6yledim tam ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 hat\u0131rlayam\u0131yorum ama \u201cBurada \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak zorunday\u0131m.\u201d dedim. O da \u201cZorunda de\u011filsin, babam para kazaniyor, nolur gel.\u201d dedi. Ama onunla da gidemedim.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yine ayr\u0131ld\u0131k. Zil \u00e7al\u0131yor, herkes ayr\u0131l\u0131yor. Siz kogusunuza gidiyorsunuz, onlar eve gidiyor. Herkes \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcl\u00fc ama ko\u011fu\u015fta \u015f\u00f6yle bir \u015fey var. Siz d\u00f6n\u00fcyorsunuz, 24 ki\u015fi herkes birbirini hem \u00fczg\u00fcn ama ayn\u0131 zamanda da birbirini teselli etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. Birinin g\u00f6z\u00fcnden ya\u015f damlarsa 23 kisi teselli ediyor. G\u00fc\u00e7 vermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

B\u00f6yle b\u00f6yle 10 ayimiz ge\u00e7ti. Duru\u015fmaya gittik. Duru\u015fmada farkl\u0131 bir cezaevine nakledildik. S cezaevine g\u00f6nderildik, oras\u0131 biraz daha zordu. Sadece duru\u015fmalar esnas\u0131nda orada kal\u0131yorduk. Ama duru\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z 9 g\u00fcn 10 g\u00fcn s\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. Bu da komik ama, \u015funu dedik arkada\u015flarla; aylarca kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z cezaevi var. 9 g\u00fcn 10 g\u00fcn duru\u015fma i\u00e7in sevk edildi\u011fimizde kaldigimiz cezaevi var. Sunu dedik hepimiz, insan\u0131n kendi cezaevi gibisi yokmus. Yani art\u0131k bu hale gelmi\u015fiz ki aylard\u0131r tutuklusunuz ve sizi farkl\u0131 bir sevk ediyorlar ve oraya girerken de sanki s\u0131f\u0131rdan ilk tutuklandiginiz g\u00fcn gibi t\u00fcm e\u015fyalar\u0131n\u0131z \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fcz aran\u0131yor. Ve kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z yer \u00e7ok daha y\u00fcksek g\u00fcvenlikli bir f tipi cezaeviydi. Orada daha \u00e7ok zorland\u0131k. Art\u0131k duru\u015fma stresi, duru\u015fmada ya\u015fananlar, orada olman\u0131n zorlu\u011fu\u2026 Her \u015fey daha bir katmerlenmi\u015fti.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Orada bir telefon g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc yapt\u0131k. \u00d6yle bir hakk\u0131m\u0131z vard\u0131. Orada oldu\u011fumuz i\u00e7in talepte bulunduk. Orada bize yapt\u0131rd\u0131lar. Sonradan e\u015fim \u015fey dedi; \u201cSeninle hapishanede yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z telefon g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc sonras\u0131 kendine bir \u015fey yapaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. O kadar k\u00f6t\u00fcyd\u00fcn.\u201d. Ne dedi\u011fimi hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum ama o bunu hissetmi\u015f. Elhamd\u00fclillah hi\u00e7 tabii ki b\u00f6yle bir istek olmad\u0131. Hani \u00e7ok zordu, belki akl\u0131m\u0131zdan ge\u00e7iyordu ama hepimiz g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcyd\u00fck \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr. Kimsenin de ciddi akl\u0131ndan b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey ge\u00e7medi. Kurtulay\u0131m, bir \u015fekilde kurtulay\u0131m d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hep dedi\u011fimiz \u015fey \u015fuydu ko\u011fu\u015fta; \u015fu demir kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7mas\u0131nlar, i\u015fte bizimle u\u011fra\u015fmas\u0131nlar, yapt\u0131klar\u0131 psikolojik eziyetleri yapmas\u0131nlar burada bir \u015fekilde kal\u0131n\u0131r. Mecbursunuz, unutuyorsunuz. Bir anne oldu\u011funuzu unutturuyorlar. Bir evlat oldu\u011funuzu unutturuyorlar. Bir\u00a0 e\u015f oldu\u011funuzu unutturuyorlar. Birilerinin arkada\u015f\u0131, e\u015fi, dostusunuz belki ama ben, Allah’\u0131n bir l\u00fctfu bu, \u015funu hissediyordum orada; bir anne de\u011filim, e\u015f de\u011filim, evlat de\u011filim, karde\u015f de\u011filim, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey de\u011filim. Tek ba\u015f\u0131ma burada d\u00fcnyaya gelmi\u015f gibi hissediyorum. Hep burada kalacakm\u0131\u015f gibi hissediyordum. Yani o sizi rahatlat\u0131yor. Yani garip ama o sizi rahatlat\u0131yor. Bazen unutuyorsunuz, her \u015feyi unutuyorsunuz. D\u0131\u015far\u0131da birilerinin oldu\u011funu. D\u0131\u015far\u0131da bir hayat\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n oldu\u011funu unutuyorsunuz.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Arada avluya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda b\u00f6yle deniz kokusu gelirdi. Biz onu duymak isterdik. Bilmiyorum \u00e7im keserlerdi herhalde. Biz hi\u00e7 ye\u015fillik g\u00f6rmezdik. Hani getirdikleri maydanozun d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda. Cim kokusu gelirdi ye\u015fillik kokusu gelirdi.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir rahatsizlik ya\u015fad\u0131m hastaneye sevk edildim defalarca. gidiyorsunuz yan\u0131n\u0131zda 2 silahs\u0131z asker, 4 asker, bir komutan, bir bayan gardiyan\u0131 ve kelep\u00e7eli gidiyorsunuz ama hastaneye gitmek de \u015f\u00f6yle g\u00fczeldi; d\u0131\u015far\u0131y\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsunuz. Cezaevi arac\u0131n\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck cam\u0131ndan bile olsa d\u0131\u015far\u0131da y\u00fcr\u00fcyenleri g\u00f6rmek… Yani inan\u0131n d\u0131\u015far\u0131da y\u00fcr\u00fcmek bile… \u015eu an buraday\u0131m bunu ben \u00f6yle daha \u015fey c\u00fcmleler olsun diye s\u00f6ylemiyorum. Y\u00fcr\u00fcrken y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcze r\u00fczgar\u0131n vurmas\u0131 kadar g\u00fczel bir \u015fey yokmu\u015f. Koltukta oturmak da bir nimetmi\u015f. 10 ay plastik sandalyeye, sert zeminde oturunca. Evde \u00e7ocu\u011funuza yemek yapabilmek, evinizi temizleyebilmek, anne olabilmek… Ne bileyim nimetmis. Bazen \u015fikayetlendigim\u00a0 mevzulardi. Ben kendi ad\u0131ma konu\u015fuyorum. Kimse belki benim gibi de\u011fildir ama. Ya evimi s\u00fcp\u00fcrmek istiyorum, s\u00fcp\u00fcrge sesini \u00f6zledim dedi\u011fimde a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Arkada\u015flar f\u00f6n makinesi getirmi\u015f sesini dinletmislerdi, a\u011flamayay\u0131m diye. \u0130zledi\u011finiz belki komik bir dizide biri \u201cevlad\u0131m\u201d derken televizyonda (agliyor) insan\u0131n burnu nas\u0131l s\u0131zlar, ger\u00e7ekten ci\u011feri nas\u0131l yanar \u00e7ok iyi biliyorum. Oncesinde sadece onlar\u0131 ben bir benzetme olarak kullan\u0131yormu\u015fum.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Cezaevi s\u00fcresince ger\u00e7ekten bunu samimiyetle s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum; en \u00e7ok \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131n hasretinden insan\u0131n ci\u011feri de yanarm\u0131\u015f, burnunun dire\u011fi de ger\u00e7ekten sizlarmis \u00e7ok \u00e7ok iyi biliyorum bunun ne demek oldu\u011funu.(agliyor)\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yani sadece benim s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131m da yoktu tabii ki. Bir g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe gidiyorduk d\u00f6n\u00fcyorduk, arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n e\u015fi de tutuklanm\u0131\u015f. Bir g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe gidiyorduk d\u00f6n\u00fcyorduk \u00f6b\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcn babas\u0131 g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f. Zaten abisi yengesi tutuklu olan bir arkada\u015f vard\u0131. \u0130\u015fte onlar\u0131n duru\u015fmadan haber i\u015fte dualar ediyoruz duru\u015fmalar\u0131 olacak vesaire tahliye edilmemi\u015f haberleri..<\/span>(2)<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131z vard\u0131, arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131z tutukland\u0131ktan sonra kendi erkek karde\u015fi eni\u015ftesini \u015fikayet ediyor. O da al\u0131n\u0131yor tutuklan\u0131yor. \u0130ki tane de \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 var. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131n aylik rutini \u015f\u00f6yle: Bir hafta anneyi ziyarete gidiyorlar. Bir hafta okula gidiyorlar. Bir hafta babay\u0131 ziyarete gidiyorlar g\u00f6t\u00fcren olursa. Dedi\u011fim gibi karde\u015fi \u015fikayet etmi\u015f. Ve \u00e7ocuklar da day\u0131 ile anneanne ile kal\u0131yor. G\u00f6t\u00fcren olursa babay\u0131 ziyarete gidiyorlar. Bir hafta okula gidiyorlar. Biz her hafta kapal\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f yaparken, o arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131z kapal\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f oldu\u011fu g\u00fcn yata\u011f\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131km\u0131yordu. Hem \u00e7ocuklar\u0131ni g\u00f6rememek hem bizler g\u00f6r\u00fcp d\u00f6n\u00fcyoruz. Bazen sevin\u00e7li bazen \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcl\u00fc bir duygu ya\u015f\u0131yorsunuz. G\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015fs\u00fcn\u00fcz ve bir duygu, \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fc ya da sevin\u00e7, ya\u015f\u0131yorsunuz. Ama o hi\u00e7bir \u015fey ya\u015fayam\u0131yor, o hep yata\u011f\u0131nda. O ayda bir kere belki g\u00f6rebiliyordu \u00e7ocuklar\u0131ni.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

E\u015fi zaten ayr\u0131 bir yerde tutuklu. Mektup hakk\u0131 yok, telefon hakk\u0131 yok. E\u015finizden hi\u00e7bir haber alam\u0131yorsunuz. Ba\u015fka \u015fehirde tutuklu olanlar vard\u0131. E\u015fi ba\u015fka bir \u015fehirde kendi ba\u015fka bir \u015fehirde cezaevinde.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yani b\u00fct\u00fcn haklar\u0131m\u0131z i\u015fte siz su\u00e7lusunuz diyerek engellendi. OHAL var diye engellendi. E\u011fitim hakk\u0131 engellendi. Okul har\u00e7 \u00fccretlerini hesaplar\u0131m\u0131zdan kestiler. Dilek\u00e7e yazd\u0131k \u00f6densin diye. A\u00e7\u0131k\u00f6\u011fretim okuyan arkada\u015flar vard\u0131. Paralar\u0131n\u0131 hesaplar\u0131ndan kesip yat\u0131r\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flad\u0131lar. Sinav g\u00fcn\u00fc geldiginde size yasak dediler. Sa\u011fl\u0131k… zaten siz orada hi\u00e7 \u00f6nemli de\u011filsiniz. Bunu ger\u00e7ekten s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum. Yani \u00f6lseniz de sizin caninizin bir k\u0131ymeti harbiyesi yok. Yani orada kriz de ge\u00e7irirseniz o acil butonuna bas\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bazen 40 dakika sonra geliyorlar.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben gece \u00e7ok di\u015flerimi s\u0131kard\u0131m bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te belki stresten daha \u00e7ok s\u0131kmaya m\u0131 ba\u015flad\u0131m bilmiyorum. \u0130ki di\u015fim k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131. Hem sa\u011fdan hem soldan. Sa\u011f \u00fcst ve sol alt olmak \u00fczere iki az\u0131 di\u015fim k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131 ve yemek yiyemiyorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc dama\u011fa acikligi var k\u0131r\u0131klar\u0131n. Yedigim gibi damaklar\u0131ma temas etti\u011fi i\u00e7in \u00e7ok can\u0131m yan\u0131yor. Inan\u0131n bir bu\u00e7uk ay her g\u00fcn dilek\u00e7e yazd\u0131m revir hakk\u0131m\u0131 kullanmak istiyorum, di\u015f\u00e7iye gitmek istiyorum diye. Bir bu\u00e7uk ay sonra kurum di\u015f\u00e7isine g\u00f6t\u00fcruldum ve \u015funu dedi: Damaklar\u0131n hep iltihap olmu\u015f. \u0130\u015flem yapamam. Seni d\u0131\u015f hastaneye sevk etmem laz\u0131m. Bu haliyle edemem damaklarin cok k\u00f6t\u00fc \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Bir bu\u00e7uk ay ben yemek yerken damaklar\u0131ma hani bask\u0131 uygulad\u0131m ve iltihap oldu. Sonra antibiyotik kulland\u0131m ve tekrar dilek\u00e7e yazmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Antibiyotiklerim bitti, d\u0131\u015f hastaneye sevkimi istiyorum, vesaire diye. Ben inan\u0131n 2 ay yemek yerken a\u011flad\u0131m. Di\u015flerime pamuk t\u0131kad\u0131m. Artik \u00e7are oydu. Pamuk tikadim ve \u00e7ok \u00e7i\u011fnenmeyecek \u015feyler yemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. En sonunda hastaneye sevk edildi\u011fimde de zaten birini yapt\u0131lar, birini yapmad\u0131lar. Yani baya\u011f\u0131 bir m\u00fccadele ettim. Sadece yani bir \u015fekilde oraya bir \u015feyler de olsun ve en az\u0131ndan yemek yiyebilirim. Tedavimi b\u00f6yle ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 yap\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 beklemiyordum zaten.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir gun e\u015fime bunu anlatt\u0131m; art\u0131k ciddi yorgunuz diyorum m\u00fccadele etmekten, haklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 almak i\u00e7in m\u00fccadele etmekten yorgunuz. Art\u0131k hi\u00e7bir \u015feyle u\u011fra\u015fm\u0131yoruz. Yani elinizden hakk\u0131n\u0131z bile al\u0131nsa art\u0131k yorgunsunuz ve dilek\u00e7e bile yazmaya mecaliniz yok. E\u015fime anlatt\u0131m. O da \u00fcz\u00fclerek \u015f\u00f6yle dedi: Sahabe efendilerimizin hayatlar\u0131ndan bahsetti. Ailelerinin g\u00f6z\u00fc \u00f6n\u00fcnde demir testerelerle kesilenler, ve ailelerinin hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapamamas\u0131ndan, bir \u00e7ok eziyet g\u00f6ren sahabe efendilerimizden bahsetti. Ben \u00f6yle ya\u015f\u0131yorum demiyorum ama e\u015fim sadece beni ayakta tutmak i\u00e7in bunu s\u00f6yledi muhtemelen. \u201cYil 2017 ve sen di\u015flerine pamuk koyarak yemek yiyorsun. Bu belki \u00f6yle bir hayat, sen orada onu ya\u015f\u0131yorsun, biz de senin ailen olma \u015ferefini ya\u015f\u0131yoruz. Bir cam\u0131n arkas\u0131nda e\u015fime zulmediyorlar ama ben onun e\u015fi, kocas\u0131 olarak hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapam\u0131yorum. Sadece dinleyebiliyorum ve izleyebiliyorum. \u00c7ok \u00fczg\u00fcn\u00fcm bir \u015fey yapamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in\u201d, dedi.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben bunlar\u0131 e\u015fime anlat\u0131yordum. Ailemin g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc biraz farkl\u0131yd\u0131. Bilsinler istiyordum sadece. Yoksa onlar\u0131 \u00fczmek de\u011fildi maksad\u0131m. Onlar da \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te ger\u00e7ekten kendi k\u0131zlar\u0131 da tabii bunu ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in, masum insanlar\u0131n neler ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 benim vesilemle, benim ve bir\u00e7ok ki\u015finin -\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc inan\u0131n e\u015fim al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bile hala ge\u00e7ecek diyen insanlard\u0131, ge\u00e7ecek bir s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 olmayacak falan hep savunan insanlardi di\u011fer taraf\u0131.- Ben 17\/25 Aral\u0131k’tan sonra babam icin sunu demi\u015ftim: \u201cBabam ancak k\u0131z\u0131 al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcn evden belki de anlayacak neyin ne oldu\u011funu, insanlar\u0131n masum oldu\u011funu. Masum insanlara bunlar\u0131n ya\u015fat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlayacak.\u201d Dua yerine ge\u00e7mi\u015f herhalde. Aynen de \u00f6yle oldu.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Elhamd\u00fclillah ge\u00e7ti. Buraya geli\u015f tabii ki zordu. \u0130ki \u00e7ocu\u011funuzu riske at\u0131yorsunuz. Ben iki \u00e7ocu\u011fum oldu\u011fu gerek\u00e7esiyle tahliye istedim. 10 ay boyunca sesimi duyuramad\u0131m. Duru\u015fmada emsal g\u00f6sterdim (cocuk gerek\u00e7esiyle tahliye edilenleri) Benimle ayn\u0131 durumda olan, \u00e7ocuktan dolay\u0131 tahliye edilenleri emsal g\u00f6sterdim ve bu \u015fekilde \u00e7ocuk gerek\u00e7esiyle yurtd\u0131\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f yasa\u011f\u0131 konularak tahliye edildim. Ama \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131ktan sonra (tutuksuz olarak) gitti\u011fim ilk duru\u015fmada tekrar tutuklama talep edildi. Ve biz de art\u0131k tutuklanmadik. Savc\u0131 tutuklama talep etti, ba\u015fkan tutuksuz yarg\u0131lanma devam edecek diye karar verdi. Ama o bir riskti, tekrar olabilirdi ve kime sorsak h\u00fck\u00fcm alaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu. Bunu neden d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Bylock su\u00e7lamam vard\u0131. Bylock kullanm\u0131\u015f\u0131m. Ne yaz\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f\u0131m hi\u00e7 \u00f6nemi yok. \u0130cerigine hi\u00e7 bakmad\u0131lar. Kimse i\u00e7in bunlar\u0131 demiyor. Bir ki\u015fi size bylock kullandiniz dediyse ve i\u00e7eride iseniz sizin i\u00e7eriden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131z ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok zor. Birebir bunu biliyorum.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Kimse ne yazarsan\u0131z yaz\u0131n duymuyor g\u00f6rm\u00fcyor. Yani hukuk denen bir \u015fey yok. Avukatlar\u0131nizla g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmeniz engelleniyor, k\u0131s\u0131tlan\u0131yor. Bu \u015fekilde yakla\u015f\u0131k 9 ay ge\u00e7irdim, 10. da \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Ge\u00e7irdim \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr, ben \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m ama geride hala bir\u00e7ok arkada\u015f\u0131m var. Bizlerin karar\u0131 da a\u00e7\u0131kland\u0131; benim \u015fu an 6 y\u0131l 3 ay cezam var. 7 y\u0131l 6 aydan, 6 y\u0131l 3 ay indirmi\u015fler. Ben karar aciklandigi gun, karar duru\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131n oldu\u011fu g\u00fcn buradayd\u0131m.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tahliye olanlar var. Normalde ceza verildi\u011finde bir ki\u015fiye tahliye edilmesi gerekir. Hukuk budur, karar kesinle\u015fene kadar, yarg\u0131tay onay\u0131na kadar. Farkl\u0131 \u015fekillerde kesinle\u015fir. Sizin tahliye olman\u0131z gerekir. Ama bir\u00e7ok ablam\u0131z, a\u011fabeyimiz 9 y\u0131l, 12 y\u0131l sadece bylock kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in, bir yerlerde sohbete gitti\u011fi i\u00e7in, biri adlar\u0131n\u0131 verdi diye, o bize sohbete geliyordu, bize Kur’an okuyordu, bize bir \u015feyler anlat\u0131yordu dini manada dedi diye 12 y\u0131l, 9 y\u0131l ceza alan ki\u015filer var ve tahliye edilmediler. Onlar hala orda ben burdayim. Dedigim gibi buraya gelmek de zor, burda kalmak da zor ama her \u015feye ra\u011fmen elhamd\u00fclillah dedi\u011fimiz bir yer. Her noktada \u00f6zg\u00fcr\u00fcz. Her a\u00e7\u0131dan \u00f6zg\u00fcr\u00fcz iki art\u0131 iki e\u015fittir d\u00f6rt diye biliyoruz. Bunu ulkemizde diyemiyorduk.\u00a0 G\u00f6n\u00fcl verdi\u011fimiz insanlara sevgimizi dile getirebiliyoruz. Ama \u00fclkemizdeyken onlara \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r laflar edilirken susmak zorunda kal\u0131yorduk. \u015eimdi buraday\u0131z \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Benim annem bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te kanser oldu. Ben annemi cezaevinde 4 ay g\u00f6remedim. Annemler benim \u00e7ocuklar\u0131ma bakmak i\u00e7in farkl\u0131 \u015fehirde ya\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131 ama bizim oldu\u011fumuz \u015fehre geldiler e\u015fime destek olmak ve \u00e7ocuklar\u0131ma bakmak i\u00e7in. Annem bu s\u00fcreci \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r ge\u00e7irmi\u015f. Ben annemi cezaevinde 4 ay g\u00f6remedim \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hep hastanedeydi. Ameliyat ge\u00e7irdi 3 tane. Birisini ben i\u00e7erdeyken ge\u00e7irdi, bir de ben \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131ktan sonra ge\u00e7irdi, ben buradayken k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir operasyon daha ge\u00e7irdi. Annem kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m 270-300 g\u00fcn boyunca her g\u00fcn e\u015fime cezaevini aratt\u0131rm\u0131\u015f. Ben tahliye oldum mu, tahliye haberi var m\u0131 diye. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn 270 g\u00fcn, 300 g\u00fcn. 270 g\u00fcn kald\u0131m galiba tam hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Her g\u00fcn, her g\u00fcn\u2026. Umut yani\u2026 ilk g\u00fcnlerde umut olur. Evet bizim tutuklandigimiz zaten 13 ki\u015fiydik 11\u2019i 2 ay sonra tahliye oldu. Biz iki ki\u015fi kald\u0131k ayni kurumdan tutuklanan. Sonra gelenler oldu ama ilk tutuklananlardan biz 2 ki\u015fi kald\u0131k.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Annem \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc i\u00e7in, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n haline \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc i\u00e7in. Bana babam ilk g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe geldi\u011finde s\u00f6z vermi\u015fti; sen \u00e7\u0131kana kadar geri d\u00f6nmeyece\u011fiz, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131na bakaca\u011f\u0131z merak etme diye. Ama sonra bir a\u00e7\u0131k g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fe geldi\u011finde a\u011flayarak gitti; sana s\u00f6z vermi\u015ftim ama annen \u00e7ok hasta, burada kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00fcrece e\u015fine destek olam\u0131yoruz hatta biz ona y\u00fck oluyoruz. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc annen bak\u0131ma muhta\u00e7 hale geldi diye a\u011flayarak gitti.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bu nedenle \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131ktan sonra \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n halini, benim i\u00e7in ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131 \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcy\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce,\u00a0 onlara destek oldular. Hep g\u00f6r\u00fcyorlard\u0131, yani ben diyordum burada kal\u0131rsam 7-8 y\u0131l ceza alabilirim. Hatta e\u015fimle de konu\u015ftum asl\u0131nda kaladabiliriz. Yani bu b\u00fcy\u00fck bir sorumluluk. E\u015fimin de davasi var ama benimki daha a\u011f\u0131r ilerliyordu. Ve e\u015fimin dosyas\u0131nda pek bir \u015fey yoktu. Rabbim onu setretmi\u015fti tam manas\u0131yla. Yani setrettigi \u015feyler de hani bir \u015fey var da Rabbim onu gizledi de\u011fil. Sohbete gitti\u011fi, tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 arkada\u015flar\u0131 isminin vermemesi.. Bunlar setrettigi seyler. Yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131n. Eline silah ald\u0131 bir yerlere \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 da Rabbim bunu gizledi demek istemiyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bu y\u00fczden e\u015fim \u015fey dedi: Daha fazla bir g\u00fcn bile haks\u0131z yere cezaevinde kalman\u0131 istemiyorum. Senin duru\u015fmanda art\u0131k karar a\u015famas\u0131na gelindi. Ve muhtemelen geri tutuklayacaklar. Annen de \u00e7ocuklar da art\u0131k bunu kald\u0131ramaz. Ben art\u0131k aile olmak istiyorum.\u00a0 Hani hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z halde seni goturmelerini istemiyorum dedi. Ve onun da duru\u015fmas\u0131nda neler ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmiyoruz. O da ceza alabilir, hala devam ediyor onunki.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bu nedenle hani zor bir karar, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131zi riske atarak \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorsunuz. Ben o kucucuk cocuklara, o Meri\u00e7te yitip giden \u00e7ocuklara sorma \u015fans\u0131n\u0131z olsayd\u0131, yani onlar tabii ki annesi ile babas\u0131 ile gitmek ister ama b\u00f6yle bir yolculu\u011fu anlayacak ya\u015fta olsalar tercih etmezler, edemezler. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hepsi bir korkuyla \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Oralarda \u00e7ok korktular. Sessiz olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fi s\u00f6yleniyor \u00e7ocuklara. Biz de ayn\u0131 \u015feyleri anlatt\u0131k. Ve kimseye de s\u00f6yleyemedik. \u00c7ok yak\u0131n, annemize babam\u0131za sadece \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 s\u00f6yleyebildik. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc yakalanmam\u0131z halinde\u00a0 e\u015fimle ikimizde tutuklan\u0131p cezaevine g\u00f6nderilecektik. \u0130kimizin de yurt d\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015f yasa\u011f\u0131 vard\u0131 ve devam eden bir davas\u0131 var.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7ocu\u011funuzu annesiz babas\u0131z b\u0131rakma ihtimalini, yolda size veya onlara bir \u015fey olma ihtimalini, yani size bir \u015fey olmas\u0131 \u00e7ok m\u00fchim de\u011fil ama \u00e7ocu\u011funuza bir \u015fey olma ihtimalini g\u00f6ze alarak, bunlar\u0131 g\u00f6ze alarak yola \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k. Meri\u00e7ten geldi\u011fimiz i\u00e7in Edirne’ ye ge\u00e7tik.\u00a0 Edirne’de ak\u015fam bizi yola g\u00f6t\u00fcrecek kisileri beklerken b\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011fluma anlatt\u0131k her \u015feyi. Zor bir yolculuk olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, asl\u0131nda benim yurtd\u0131\u015f\u0131nda \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, cezaevinde oldu\u011fumu. Su an e\u011fer gitmezsek\u2026.. Hani onlar\u0131n anlayaca\u011f\u0131 dilden anlatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Su an bizi bu \u00fclkede yanl\u0131\u015f anl\u0131yorlar. Biz asl\u0131nda bu \u00fclkeye k\u00f6t\u00fc bir \u015fey yapmad\u0131k ama \u015fu anda yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131yoruz. Uzun y\u0131llar cezaevinde kalabiliriz babanla. Bu yolculu\u011fu yapmamiz gerekiyor ama her \u015fey bir g\u00fcn d\u00fczelecek. Bizim gibi insanlar\u0131n iyi insanlar olduklar\u0131n\u0131 anlayacaklar. Ve belki geri d\u00f6nebilece\u011fiz. O esnada \u00e7ocu\u011fu rahatlatmak i\u00e7in. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc Edirne’ye gidiyorsunuz gece 12’ye kadar belki oralarda sokaklardasiniz. \u00c7ocuk \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor,\u00a0 lavaboya ihtiyac\u0131 oluyor, eve gitmek uyumak istiyor. Eve gitmek istiyorum anne ne olur gitmeyelim diye a\u011fl\u0131yor. Siz onu rahatlatmak zorundas\u0131n\u0131z. Yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kmadan onlar\u0131 bu \u015fekilde anlatt\u0131k. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011fluma sessiz olmas\u0131n\u0131, bir oyun oynayaca\u011f\u0131mizi, e\u011fer ses yaparsa askerlerin polislerin gelip beni al\u0131p -o iki hafta cezaevinde yan\u0131mda kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ve annemin evi diyordu cezaevine- ve beni al\u0131p tekrar o eve g\u00f6t\u00fcreceklerini, ayr\u0131 evde ya\u015famak zorunda kalaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6yledim. O \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hep anne sen evine d\u00f6nsene diye beni ikna etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu yan\u0131ma aldigim iki haftada.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Biz buraya gelmek i\u00e7in iki deneme yapt\u0131k 2. de ge\u00e7tik. \u0130lk denememizde ben k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flumuzu ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131m. Esim cantayi ve botu bizi goturen kisiyle rehberle ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131. B\u00fcy\u00fck o\u011flum da y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. Nehrin kenar\u0131na geldi\u011fimizde \u00f6nce botu \u015fi\u015firdikleri pompa k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131. O esnada di\u011fer aileyle bekliyorduk, saklanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k bir yerde. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flum normalde biraz huysuz bir \u00e7ocuktu. Benim yoklu\u011fumda \u00e7ok da huy de\u011fi\u015ftirmi\u015fti. \u0130stedi\u011fi olmay\u0131nca ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131p \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ran ya da korktu\u011funda \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k atan bir \u00e7ocuktu. Ben bizi saklad\u0131klar\u0131 yerde bot \u015fi\u015firilirken bir saat bekledik. Di\u011fer ailenin gelmesini bekledik. S\u00fcrekli e\u011filip g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fcn i\u00e7ine bakarak sessizce \u201c\u0130yi misin, anneci\u011fim?\u201d diye sordum. \u0130yiyim bile demedi ben o esnada korkudan bir \u015fey oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc gece karanl\u0131k, a\u011fa\u00e7lar, saklan\u0131yoruz s\u00fcrekli vesaire. Korkudan art\u0131k konu\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 dilinin tutuldu\u011funu falan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Orada saklan\u0131yoruz ama ben onu konu\u015fturmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum tek kelime etmedi. Sadece ba\u015f parma\u011f\u0131yla iyiyim i\u015fareti yapt\u0131 bana.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3-3,5 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131. \u015eu an 4. Bizim ilk denememizde di\u011fer aile de geldi. 5 \u00e7ocuk, 4 yeti\u015fkin ve bir rehber bota bindik. Ak\u0131nt\u0131 \u00e7ok vard\u0131 ge\u00e7ti\u011fimiz yerde ve derindi. Ak\u0131nt\u0131yla s\u00fcrekli 360 derece kendi etraf\u0131nda d\u00f6ne d\u00f6ne sadece a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 do\u011fru savruluyoruz kar\u015f\u0131ya ge\u00e7emiyoruz.\u00a0 K\u00fcrek k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131 nehrin ortas\u0131nda. Tek k\u00fcrekle y\u00f6n de veremedi bizi g\u00f6t\u00fcren adam. En sonunda s\u00fcrekli kuru dallara ve ta\u015flara \u00e7arp\u0131yoruz. Botun patlama riski var ve ger\u00e7ekten ciddi ak\u0131nt\u0131 var ve derin bir yer. O esnada hani o dallara \u00e7arparken \u00e7arpmayi engellemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor kim varsa o kenarda. Bir \u015fekilde bot de\u011fmeden itmeye, kuru dallar\u0131 uzakla\u015ft\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor ama m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fil, ak\u0131nt\u0131 sert. Bot patlarsa ben kurtulur muyum bilmiyorum ama hani y\u00fczmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015faca\u011f\u0131m. Hangi \u00e7ocu\u011fumu kurtarmal\u0131y\u0131m\u2026 Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerle o zifiri karanl\u0131kta o nehrin \u00fcst\u00fcnde (Nitekim olmad\u0131) s\u00fcrekli \u00e7arpt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in bizi g\u00f6t\u00fcren adam tekrar iple botu kenara \u00e7ekti ve \u201c\u00e7\u0131k\u0131n dedi, gidemiyoruz.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Biri bebek olmak \u00fczere 5 \u00e7ocuk vard\u0131, 2 \u00e7ocuk benim. 5 \u00e7ocuk dedi\u011fim gibi 4 yeti\u015fkin. Daha zorlu bir \u015fekilde geri d\u00f6nd\u00fck. \u00c7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yer dumduz bir araziydi ve bize tutulan \u0131\u015f\u0131kta direk yakalanacakt\u0131k. Direkt g\u00f6turulecektik ya da y\u00fcr\u00fcrken kalabal\u0131ks\u0131n\u0131z. Y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fck kar\u015f\u0131dan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k da g\u00f6rsek yere yatt\u0131k. M\u0131s\u0131r tarlalar\u0131nda sakland\u0131k o 5 \u00e7ocukla. Gece 3 gibi bizi bir eve g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler. Burada kalacaks\u0131n\u0131z dediler. E\u015flerimiz camdan girdi o eve, biz kap\u0131dan girdik, kamera varm\u0131\u015f vesaire. \u00d6yle bir riski alarak geri d\u00f6nd\u00fck. 3 g\u00fcn sonra yani Rabbim size o cesareti veriyor. O \u00e7ocuklarla ayn\u0131 riski alma cesaretini. Ya orada kal\u0131p tekrar ayn\u0131 \u015feyleri ya\u015fayacaks\u0131n\u0131z, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131za ya\u015fatacaks\u0131n\u0131z, ailenize ya\u015fatacaks\u0131n\u0131z. Ya da gitmek zorundas\u0131n\u0131z, mecbursunuz, b\u00f6yle hissediyorsunuz. Yani ben \u00f6yle hissettim ve tekrar yola \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130kincisinde \u00e7ok daha rahat ge\u00e7tik. Bu tarafta 9 ya da 12 kilometre dediler yol y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fck. Ama bir \u015fekilde geldik yani. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr geldik burday\u0131z.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Esim zaten darbeden \u00f6nce at\u0131ld\u0131. Ben cezaevindeyken ihra\u00e7 edildim. Ciktiktan sonra da o surecte de, e\u015fim m\u00fchendis. Babas\u0131n\u0131n f\u0131r\u0131n\u0131 var. Ekmek sat\u0131lan bir yer. Orada babas\u0131na yard\u0131m edip, zaten dedi\u011fim gibi benim g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, bizim evimizi, ta\u015f\u0131mak zorunda kald\u0131lar kay\u0131nvalidemin evine. Mesela ben r\u00fcyalar\u0131mda g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum. Bir aile foto\u011fraf\u0131 gelmi\u015fti aylar sonra foto\u011frafa \u0130zin verdiler. O evimizde \u00e7ekilen i\u015fte. Ben al\u0131nmadan bir 6 ay \u00f6nce pazar g\u00fcn\u00fc ailece \u00e7ekilen; e\u015fim, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m, annem, babam vesaire onu getirmi\u015flerdi. Ben r\u00fcyalar\u0131mda hep o eve d\u00f6n\u00fcyordum. Biz orada \u00e7ok mutluyduk. Bir evimiz vard\u0131, bir i\u015fimiz vard\u0131, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z okula gidiyordu. \u00c7ok normal bir aile hayat\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131yorduk.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir anda, bir g\u00fcnde her \u015fey de\u011fi\u015fti ve siz o \u00fclkeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken, o \u00fclkenin ter\u00f6ristleri oldunuz onlar\u0131n deyimiyle. Ben hayat\u0131mda silah g\u00f6rmedim, kullanmay\u0131 bir kenara b\u0131rak\u0131n. Bize gelen polisin elindeki silah\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda ben silah g\u00f6rmedim. Ama silahl\u0131 ter\u00f6r \u00f6rg\u00fct\u00fcne \u00fcye olmakla yarg\u0131lan\u0131yorum. Buna inan\u0131n, inanmamak, kabul etmek… Yani kabul edemedim zaten de bundan yarg\u0131land\u0131\u011f\u0131mi. Hani kabul etmek… Hala ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcnce; duru\u015fmaya sevk edilirken etraf\u0131n\u0131zdaki jandarma koridoru, etten koridor. Tabiri caizse hani robocop gibi k\u0131yafetler giydirilen jandarmalar\u0131n ellerinde silahlarla etten koridor yaptigini. Elinizde kelep\u00e7eyle onlar\u0131n aras\u0131ndan ge\u00e7ti\u011fim g\u00fcnler. Ger\u00e7ekten hayal gibi.\u00a0 Hala inanam\u0131yorum. Bir gece \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m yolculuk… Cezaevinde ge\u00e7en 10 ay\u2026 Yani inanmas\u0131 \u00e7ok g\u00fc\u00e7.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Burada da biz bir g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nd\u0131k, Girit adas\u0131ndan deneme yaparken. Ben bunu anlatmak istiyorum. Hani size anlatt\u0131m ya; g\u00f6zalt\u0131nda e\u015fim bir not yazm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, polisin bana g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi tepki. Ben i\u00e7ten sar\u0131lmak istedi\u011fimde beni \u00e7ok ciddi a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lad\u0131. Sanki \u00e7ok i\u011fren\u00e7 bir varl\u0131km\u0131\u015fim gibi sak\u0131n bana bula\u015fma diye. O ayakta ve ben yerdeyim. \u0130yice beni k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclterek o el hareketleri ile yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6sterdigi tav\u0131r davran\u0131\u015f\u0131n yan\u0131nda. Buradan illegal bir deneme yaparak farkl\u0131 bir \u00fclkeye girmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsunuz. Elinizdeki fake bir evrakla orijinal pasaportunuzdaki fake bir vizeyle. Yani yasal olmayan bir \u015fey yap\u0131yorsunuz. Mecbursunuz. Ve g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131yorsunuz. Normalde burada daha bir somut. Su\u00e7sa e\u011fer somut bir \u015fey var ellerinde. Ama buna ra\u011fmen o kadar yani durumunuzu anl\u0131yorlar, size o kadar kibar, o kadar iyiler ki.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Burada da 5 g\u00fcn kald\u0131k. E\u015fim ayr\u0131 bir yerdeydi. Ben bayanlarla ayn\u0131 ko\u011fu\u015ftaydim \u00e7ocuklarla.\u00a0 \u00c7ok so\u011fuk, \u00e7ok kirli bir ortamdi. Ko\u011fu\u015fta bir \u0130ranl\u0131, bir Afrikal\u0131, bir de Tibetli bir arkada\u015f vard\u0131, bir de ben. Bir bayan polis bir g\u00fcn ak\u015fam e\u015fimi getirdi. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131n yan\u0131na ara s\u0131ra getiriyorlardi. \u00c7ocuklar a\u011flarsa bazen getiriyorlard\u0131. Bazen \u00e7ocuklar a\u011flamadan e\u015fimi benim bulundu\u011fum nezarete getiriyorlard\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bayan polis sadece 15 dakika dedi ve gitti. Yar\u0131m saat oldu, 1 saat oldu, 2 saat oldu gelip almad\u0131lar. Biz kap\u0131ya vurduk sorun olmasin galiba unuttunuz e\u015fimi diyerek polisi uyard\u0131k. E\u015fimi g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. 10 dakika sonra geldi. \u0130\u00e7eri girdi. O pis, kokulu ve so\u011fuk ortama girdi. Girmeyebilir. Yan\u0131ma geldi. Burada ne i\u015fin var \u00e7ocuklarla dedi. Anlatmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m.\u00a0 Uz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmu anlay\u0131nca, elimi avucunun i\u00e7ine ald\u0131. Ben anlatt\u0131m a\u011flad\u0131m, o a\u011flad\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hani \u00fclkelerine ka\u00e7ak girdi\u011fim i\u00e7in, bunu yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in \u00f6z\u00fcr diledim.\u00a0 Ama bu bir ya\u015fama refleksiydi yani tek iste\u011fimiz aile olmak. Yani bizler k\u00f6t\u00fc insanlar de\u011filiz dedim. \u00c7ocuklar\u0131ma anne olmak i\u00e7in bu yolu tercih ettim. \u201cL\u00fctfen\u201d, dedi. \u201cArt\u0131k dayanam\u0131yorum; ben de bir anneyim daha fazla a\u011flatma beni.\u201d, dedi. \u201cKe\u015fke kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7abilsem ve sizi Almanya u\u00e7a\u011f\u0131na bindirip g\u00f6nderebilsem. Ama ben de senin gibi, senin \u00f6nceden oldu\u011fun gibi sadece bir memurum.\u201d, dedi. \u201cBuna g\u00fcc\u00fcm yetmiyor.\u201d, dedi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7\u0131kt\u0131, elinde bir kutu ile geldi. \u0130\u00e7inde kek, kurabiye gibi yiyecekler var. Muhtemelen n\u00f6bet tutacak ve o gece onlar\u0131 yemek i\u00e7in getirdi. Geldi, \u201cBunlar\u0131 seremonide verdiler, ev yapimi.\u201d, dedi. Bu tuzlu, bu tatli diye anlatti. Kabul edersen \u00e7ok sevinirim dedi. \u201cBunlar\u0131 siz bu gece yiyeceksiniz, muhtemelen \u00e7al\u0131\u015facaks\u0131n\u0131z, alamam.\u201d, dedim. \u201c\u00c7ocuklar i\u00e7in almal\u0131s\u0131n.\u201d, dedi. \u00c7ok rica etti. Ben te\u015fekk\u00fcr ederek ald\u0131m. \u00c7ok mutlu oldum. \u201cPolis merkezinin etraf\u0131nda park olsayd\u0131 \u00e7ocuklar\u0131ni \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131rd\u0131m ama getirilirken g\u00f6rd\u00fcn m\u00fc bilmiyorum hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yok etrafta.\u201d, dedi. \u201cHay\u0131r, bizim y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fczden sorun ya\u015faman\u0131z istemem kesinlikle.\u201d, dedim. O g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131yla ayr\u0131ld\u0131. Ben onun iyili\u011fine ayr\u0131ca a\u011flad\u0131m. Hani ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 anlat\u0131rken a\u011flad\u0131m. Onun anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131na, iyili\u011fine, bu \u015fekilde davranmas\u0131na ayr\u0131ca a\u011flad\u0131m.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir yar\u0131m saat, bir saat sonra belki, tekrar esimi getirdi ve \u015fey dedi: \u201cBenim i\u00e7in aile \u00e7ok \u00f6nemlidir. Ak\u015fam yeme\u011fini birlikte yiyeceksiniz. Yemekten sonra alaca\u011f\u0131m e\u015fini.\u201d. Ben hala size bir \u015fey olmas\u0131n \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc hani \u00fclkemizde bize olmas\u0131 gerekeni bile yaparken korkuyorlard\u0131. Biz onlardan iyilik beklemiyorduk sadece olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fi gibi, insan gibi davrans\u0131nlar istiyorduk. Hani farkl\u0131 bir varl\u0131\u011fa davran\u0131r gibi bagirarak de\u011fil de. Biz zaten elimize kelep\u00e7e tak\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, \u00fczerimize kap\u0131 kilitlendi\u011finde te\u015fekk\u00fcr eden insanlar\u0131z. Bir gardiyan \u015fey demi\u015fti;\u00a0 kolunuza kelep\u00e7e tak\u0131yorum, \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fcze kap\u0131y\u0131 kilitliyorum ama siz te\u015fekk\u00fcr ediyorsunuz.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

O g\u00f6revini yap\u0131yordu. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hani biz bunu \u00f6\u011frendik. Hani ben kendi ad\u0131ma diyemiyorum ama \u00e7ok g\u00fczel arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z vard\u0131. \u00c7ok sa\u011flam, \u00e7ok kibar, hi\u00e7bir \u015fekilde kendini bozmadan, orada belki benden daha fazla kald\u0131 ve y\u0131llar\u0131n\u0131 ge\u00e7irdi diyebilirim. \u015eimdi kendi \u00fclkenizde, kendi milletinizden bir insandan, bir polisten, bir memurdan siz de bir zamanlar memurken ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz muamelenin yan\u0131nda, sizi hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mayan, \u00fclkesine ka\u00e7ak girdi\u011finiz bir insan olarak farkl\u0131 bir miliyete sahip insan\u0131n farki. Bir yerde (dilinizle de\u011fil de) belki \u0130ngilizce anla\u015f\u0131yorsunuz. Belki tam manas\u0131yla anlatam\u0131yorsunuz da ben kendi ad\u0131ma deyim.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

B\u00f6yle bir insan\u0131n muamelesi, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131 ile elimi avucunun i\u00e7ine alarak dinledi beni. Ben\u00a0 bunu asla unutmam. Biz burada bulunan arkada\u015flarla yani in\u015fallah olur. Hayal kuruyoruz. \u00d6yle i\u015fte \u00e7o\u011fumuzun esleri burada de\u011fil. \u00c7o\u011fu burada ama i\u015fte aylard\u0131r ia\u015fesini sa\u011flamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor. \u0130\u015f yok g\u00fc\u00e7 yok, bir \u015fekilde hayat\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 kurmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yoruz sifirdan. Burada hep \u015fey diyoruz; bir duzenimiz olacak, in\u015fallah \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z okula gidecek, e\u015flerimiz i\u015fe gidecek, evimiz olacak. Bizim yakla\u015f\u0131k 2 y\u0131ld\u0131r, \u015fikayet etmiyorum, onun i\u00e7in s\u00f6ylemiyorum ama hani normal bir hayat\u0131m\u0131z yok. \u0130n\u015fallah diyorum, hani normal bir hayatimiz olursa (normalden kastimi siz anlad\u0131n\u0131z) \u015fu anda \u015fikayet etmiyorum kesinlikle yanl\u0131\u015f anla\u015f\u0131lmas\u0131n. Hani belki tatile gidebilecek d\u00fczeye geliriz ileride. Ben diyorum, Yunanistan\u2019a gelmek istiyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Buran\u0131n ekonomisine bir turist olarak fayda sa\u011flay\u0131p belki de vefa borcumu \u00f6demek istiyorum. Burada hala bize yard\u0131m eden arkada\u015flar var. Benim eski ev sahibim Anna. Beni elimden tutup bir anne gibi psikologa g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcp, senin ihtiyac\u0131n var diye psikologdan randevu al\u0131p beni zorla g\u00f6t\u00fcrdu. Avukatl\u0131k bir i\u015fim oldu\u011funda avukat ayarlayip beni ve \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131 evinde a\u011f\u0131rlay\u0131p, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131ma \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n butun oyuncaklarini\u00a0 \u00f6n\u00fcne serip bu \u015fekilde yard\u0131mc\u0131 olan bir insan Anna. Yani asla unutmam. Elimden geldi\u011fince de burada olsam da olmasam da arayip halini hat\u0131r\u0131n\u0131 sorup yine buraya gelip vefa borcumu \u00f6demek istiyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Hani Lina var. Almanca \u00f6\u011fretmeni. Bir \u015fekilde durumumuzu biliyor ve bize yard\u0131mc\u0131 olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Dedi\u011fim gibi, hani burada bulunma da \u00e7ok g\u00fczel meyveleri var \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr. Evet zor, ama \u00e7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr bizler buraday\u0131z. Allah orada kalan arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131za, karde\u015flerimize yard\u0131m etsin.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Girit, Yunan Adas\u0131. Girit’ten Almanya’ya gitmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k, Girit’ten havaliman\u0131’ndan. Mericten\u00a0 ge\u00e7tikten sonra biz yakalanmadik. Atina\u2019ya kadar geldik. IIk ben k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flumla geldi\u011fimizin 20. G\u00fcn\u00fcyd\u00fc i\u015fte. Hani bunu \u00e7ok utanarak s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum ama mecbur kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in art\u0131k burada biz ka\u00e7ak\u00e7\u0131larla hasir nesiriz mecburen. Pasaportlarimiza vize yapt\u0131rd\u0131k ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flumla Almanya’ya gitmeyi denedik ama yakaland\u0131k. Burada \u00fczerinde fake evra\u011f\u0131 bize s\u00f6kt\u00fcrd\u00fcler. Direkt bana s\u00f6kt\u00fcrd\u00fc polis ve geri verdi pasaportlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131. Eve d\u00f6nd\u00fcm.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bir sonraki denememiz: Tabii biz \u201cevraklar\u0131 yapan\u201d, \u201cbileti alan\u201d, burada bizim art\u0131k kelimeler, l\u00fcgat de\u011fi\u015fti. \u201cGarantiye yaz\u0131lmak\u201d diye kelimeler var. \u201cDeneme yapmak\u201d, \u201cge\u00e7mek\u201d, \u201ckalmak\u201d, \u201cyakalanmak\u201d… \u00c7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131z bile, mesela ben havaalan\u0131na gidip d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde, tek ba\u015f\u0131ma denemelerim de oldu. \u201cAnne yine mi yakaland\u0131n? Anne ba\u015faramad\u0131n mi?\u201d \u00d6yle soruyorlar. Yine bir deneme i\u00e7in bu anla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bir ki\u015fi bizi Girite g\u00f6nderdi.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Bize oradan deneme yapt\u0131rd\u0131. Biz durumu izah ettik, s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 olabilir dedi. O adam\u0131n da hani ka\u00e7ak\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n dedi\u011fi \u015fey \u015fuydu: \u201cDeneme yapmayacaks\u0131n\u0131z, gideceksiniz.\u201d Bizi iki aile oraya g\u00f6nderdi. Di\u011fer aile buraya geliste yakaland\u0131 ve nezarette kald\u0131. Ellerinde ka\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131 oldugu icin onlar g\u00f6zalt\u0131na al\u0131nmadi b\u0131rak\u0131ld\u0131. Onlar gemiyle tekrar Atinaya d\u00f6nd\u00fcler. Biz Girit Adas\u0131’nda XX Polis Merkezi’nde 5 g\u00fcn, 4 g\u00fcn kald\u0131k. 5. g\u00fcn \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Orada yakalanm\u0131\u015f ve burada Yunanistan’da parmak izi vermi\u015f olduk. Yani o sureye kadar yakalanmamistik. Yakla\u015f\u0131k\u00a0 2 ay ge\u00e7mi\u015fti Yunanistan’a geldi\u011fimizin \u00fczerinden.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130lk esnada sordu\u011fu \u015fey \u015fuydu (oglumun); \u201cSizi neden hapse att\u0131lar? Ne yapt\u0131n\u0131z?\u201d Hani \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fc bir \u015fey yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor. Biz ona dedik ki: \u201cO\u011flum \u015fu anda bizi yanl\u0131\u015f anl\u0131yorlar. Sana ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 anlataca\u011f\u0131z ama biz k\u00f6t\u00fc bir\u015fey yapmad\u0131k.\u201d Hani onun i\u00e7in i\u015fte h\u0131rs\u0131zl\u0131k, birini \u00f6ld\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f olmak, birine bir zarar vermi\u015f, h\u0131rs\u0131zl\u0131k yapm\u0131\u015f olmak ya da herhangi yasak bir \u015fey yapm\u0131\u015f olmak, cezaevine girmek i\u00e7in bir sebep. Hani soruyor: \u201cAnne \u015funu yapt\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131?\u201d \u201cHay\u0131r anneci\u011fim biz sadece \u015fu an ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131zda, \u00fclkemizi y\u00f6neten insan\u0131n sevmedi\u011fi, \u015fu an sevmedi\u011fi -\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc onun hatalar\u0131n\u0131 dile getirdikleri i\u00e7in sevmedi\u011fi- insanlara g\u00f6n\u00fcl verdik, sohbete gittik, Kur’an okuduk. Belki yani g\u00f6n\u00fcl ba\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n oldu\u011fu ki\u015filerle istedi\u011fimiz \u015feyleri yapt\u0131k. Yani yasak olan bir \u015fey yapmad\u0131k.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ama tabii bunu daha bir \u00e7ocuk diliyle anlatt\u0131k. O yolculuktan \u00f6nce i\u015fte zaman ve mekan elverdi\u011fince anlatt\u0131k ama buraya geldikten sonra da sormaya devam etti. Burada daha ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 anlatt\u0131k. Ge\u00e7en ak\u015fam oturuyoruz. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir masamiz var. \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcm\u00fcz siralaniyoruz.\u00a0 Onlar resim yap\u0131yordu, ben de ders \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum, Almanca \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum. Yan tarafta konu\u015fuyorlar. Resim \u00e7izdiler. Birini \u00e7izdiler herhalde, ben g\u00f6rmedim ders \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum. Ona isim vermeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorlar. Ali olsun, Veli olsun, Ahmet olsun, su olsun. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck o\u011flum dedi ki; abici\u011fim Vehbi olsun dedi. B\u00fcy\u00fck, aynen su tepkiyi verdi. O\u011flum biz Vehbi’yi seviyoruz. O bizim arkada\u015f\u0131m\u0131z. Vehbi olmaz, ba\u015fka bir \u015fey olsun, sevmedi\u011fimiz biri olsun dedi.\u00a0 Sonra o adam\u0131n ad\u0131ni Recep koydular.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Orada ilgimi \u00e7ekti. Ne yapmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 anlay\u0131nca, ald\u0131m videoya \u00e7ektim gizlice. Hala konu\u015fmaya devam ediyorlar;\u00a0 i\u015fte Recep kim o\u011flum? Ne yapt\u0131n\u0131z? Recep’i nereye koydunuz? Bir park \u00e7izmi\u015fler. Baya\u011f\u0131 da bir \u00e7izgi film izlediklerinden, hayal d\u00fcnyalar\u0131 da geni\u015f. \u0130\u015fte \u015furada \u015funu yap\u0131yoruz, parklar\u0131n \u00f6zelli\u011fi var. Tahterevalli var ama i\u015fte otomatik falan. B\u00f6yle her \u015fey olan bir park. Onlar\u0131n hayalinde geli\u015ftirdi\u011fi gibi bir park. Ve kenarda bir hapishane var. Ve orada Recep kilitli. Recep kim diyorum.\u00a0 Bizi hapse atan Recep T\u00fcrkiye’de. Ve ona ceza verdiler. Recep parka gidemez. Onlar i\u00e7in en b\u00fcy\u00fck ceza buydu. Resim as\u0131l\u0131 \u015fu anda. Duvar\u0131m\u0131za ast\u0131k. Recep parka gidemez, \u015fu anda cezal\u0131.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc annesini hapse att\u0131. Onlar \u00e7ok \u00f6zledikleri evlerine gidemiyorlar, \u00e7ok \u00f6zledikleri oyuncaklar\u0131n\u0131 alam\u0131yorlar, anneanneleri, dedeleri ile konu\u015furken onlar\u0131 \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yorlar. S\u00fcrekli soruyorlar; \u201cBiz ne zaman gidece\u011fiz onlar\u0131 ziyarete? Biz gidersek seni hapse mi atarlar?\u201d Anneleri i\u00e7in fedakarl\u0131k yap\u0131yorlar. Bu da bana \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r geliyor. Biz ne zaman evimize d\u00f6nece\u011fiz diyorlar. Anlatiyoruz art\u0131k bizim yeni bir evimiz olacak. Baban\u0131n yan\u0131na gidece\u011fiz.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tamam anne geri d\u00f6nmeyi \u00e7ok istiyorum ama seni hapse atacaklarsa d\u00f6nmeyelim. Benim i\u00e7in fedakarl\u0131k yap\u0131yor 4 ya\u015f\u0131ndaki, 5 ya\u015f\u0131ndaki o\u011flum. Bu benim i\u00e7in \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r ama ben de onlarla birlikte olmak i\u00e7in bu yola \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Yapacak hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yoktu. Durumlari bu yani.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1300 ki\u015fi var \u015fu anda meri\u00e7’te kimli\u011fi tespit edilemeyen.1300\u2026 Insallah sehit diyeyim. Insanlar bu korkularla geliyor. Bunlara ra\u011fmen geliyorlar.\u00a0 Hissiyati sizler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn. Belki bundan kat be kat \u015feyler ya\u015fad\u0131lar. Iskenceler g\u00f6rd\u00fcler. \u0130\u015fkenceler de ger\u00e7ek. Bunu da payla\u015fay\u0131m.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

E\u015fim g\u00f6z alt\u0131nda kal\u0131rken e\u015fimin ad\u0131n\u0131 veren bir a\u011fabey, ben tutuksuz iken e\u015fimin duru\u015fmas\u0131na gitti\u011fimde direkt dinledim. Ve g\u00f6zalt\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u015fkenceyi anlatt\u0131. 12’de al\u0131n\u0131yor sorguya. Sabaha kadar platin olan dizlerine dahi vuruluyor. Anlattigi su. Sabah ezan\u0131n okundu\u011funu duydum, kafama bir \u015fey ge\u00e7irdiler. Sabaha kadar darp edildim zaten. \u00d6zellikle dizlerime vurdular. Platin var dedim. Vurmay\u0131n dedim. E\u015fi de arkada bizlerle birlikte dinliyor g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131yla. En son sabah ezan\u0131 okundu\u011funu duymu\u015f. Ba\u015f\u0131na bir \u015fey ge\u00e7irip, \u00e7ok \u00f6z\u00fcr dileyerek s\u00f6ylemek istiyorum. Ger\u00e7ekli\u011fine insanlar e\u011fer bir miktar inanma noktas\u0131nda hani s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131 varsa, bu bir \u00f6rnek. Pantolonunu ve \u00e7ama\u015f\u0131r\u0131n\u0131 indirip, abi hala h\u00fcsn\u00fc zanda bulunuyor. Jop oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm bir \u015feyi dokudurdular. \u0130\u015fte biraz zorlad\u0131lar. Elektrik vermekle tehdit ettiler. Bunun bir elektrik cihazi oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylediler. Ama ben jop oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum diye anlat\u0131yor. Bunu yaparken kar\u0131s\u0131yla, kar\u0131s\u0131na da ayn\u0131 \u015feyi yapmakla, \u00fc\u00e7 bu\u00e7uk ya\u015f\u0131ndaki k\u0131z\u0131yla tehdit ediliyor.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ve bu tehditlerin sonucunda i\u00e7erdeki m\u00fchendisleri tan\u0131yorum diye yaz\u0131lan ifadeye imza atmak zorunda b\u0131rak\u0131l\u0131yor. Ama bunu a\u011f\u0131r cezada \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 duru\u015fmada anlat\u0131yor. Ben bu a\u011f\u0131r cezaya gelmeden daha sulh ceza hakimli\u011finde de anlat\u0131l\u0131yor. Ben bu ifadeyi o sebeple imzalad\u0131m. Zorla imzalat\u0131ld\u0131. Yap\u0131lan i\u015fkence bu boyutta.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Belki de insanlar buraya gelirken bir daha \u00f6yle \u015feyler ya\u015famak istemedi\u011fi i\u00e7in geliyorlar. Yoksa \u00e7ok zor. Belki de benden katbekat fazla \u015feyler ya\u015fam\u0131\u015flar. Bir daha onlar\u0131 ya\u015fayamayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, k\u0131z\u0131 ve e\u015fi ile tehdit edilen bir insan bu yolculu\u011fu tercih eder. Etmek zorunda kal\u0131yor.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

[…]<\/span><\/p>\n

(3)<\/b><\/p>\n

Elhamd\u00fclillah. \u00c7ok iyiyiz ya. \u00c7ok \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr her \u015feye ra\u011fmen \u00e7ok iyiyiz. Elhamd\u00fclillah \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131zla bir araday\u0131z. Sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131y\u0131z. Ben hep \u015f\u00f6yle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum; eskiden yine bizim \u00fclkemizden Almanya’ya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaya gitmek icin u\u011fra\u015f\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, gidermi\u015f, senelerce kal\u0131rm\u0131\u015f.\u00a0 Sonra ailesini ald\u0131r\u0131rm\u0131\u015f. B\u00f6yle bir sistem varm\u0131\u015f bilirsiniz. Diyorum ki: E\u015fim Almanya’ya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaya gitti. Ben de Yunanistan’da tatildeyim. Bir s\u00fcre sonra yan\u0131na gidece\u011fiz in\u015fallah. Bu g\u00fczel bir ayr\u0131l\u0131k. Haberini alabiliyorum esimin. Sesini duyabiliyorum, g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcl\u00fc arayabiliyorum, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nday\u0131m. Yani daha ne isteyeyim ki? Bir s\u00fcre sonra da kavu\u015faca\u011f\u0131z in\u015fallah e\u015fimle, \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m babasina kavu\u015facak.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n
Copyrighted to Undaunted Voices of Turkey<\/pre>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Story of a government employee who was jailed for 10 months for having a messaging app on her phone. She talks about her time in jail, how her two sons were affected from the events and how they decided to take the big risk of fleeing the country after she was released. At the time […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6241,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7],"tags":[15,21,14],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/322"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6241"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=322"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/322\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":346,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/322\/revisions\/346"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=322"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=322"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}