{"id":313,"date":"2020-04-04T19:34:02","date_gmt":"2020-04-04T23:34:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/?p=313"},"modified":"2020-04-04T19:34:02","modified_gmt":"2020-04-04T23:34:02","slug":"interview-23","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/2020\/04\/04\/interview-23\/","title":{"rendered":"Interview #23"},"content":{"rendered":"

Story of a 45-year-old academic who was later dismissed from her position. Experiencing the oppressive environment of Februray 28 post-modern coup as a headscarved college student, she sees the current situation more traumatizing with heavy polarization and otherization in the society. She does not want to associate herself with the current oppressive regime and does not wear headscarf anymore. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Back to list of interviews<\/a><\/p>\n

English Translation:<\/strong><\/p>\n

(1)<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201cWho am I?\u201d I asked myself. I am an academic, an academic who does research on Ottoman history. I worked at a university in Turkey for five years. I was suspended from my position for one year before I was dismissed. When I was working at the university, I tried my best to instill a sense of patriotism in my students\u2026 a sense of devotion to the motherland. I never supported an attempt against the government, nor have I ever done any harm to anybody in my life. I did not think of harming someone, let alone doing it. It was quite humiliating for me that I was accused of such a thing and dismissed from my position in such a way that meant I would never get any healthcare or financial support from government. After I was given the dismissal document (She refers to the document explaining the government decree firing public employees), I did not want to even go to my office at my institution. I wanted to leave the university directly from the Dean\u2019s office. I needed to officially alert the department head, so I only went there to inform her. I told her I did not want to even gather my personal belongings from my office. I felt deeply disappointed, and that feeling never went away. I thought it would go away with time. I was hoping this process, which I call a \u201cwitch hunt,\u201d would come to an end and that my wounds would heal\u2026 but it did not happen. The witch hunt continued and spread throughout the entire country.\u00a0 Many suffered, and thus, my wounds have festered.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(2)<\/b><\/p>\n

Perhaps one of the things that hurt me the most was that many people in Turkey acted as if nothing had happened, as if people were not suffering, as if everything was all right. When I think about this deeply, what I observe, I might be wrong, is that there is deep fear in Turkey. It is considered a crime to feel sorry about what\u2019s happening in Turkey. I mean it is a crime to feel sorry that innocent people are being arrested and people are dying with their children as they try to escape abroad. This is because if you feel sorry, they consider you to have a similar mindset. Therefore, many people are hiding their true feelings on social media or in public spaces. They act like they do not care, or they say that people deserve what\u2019s happening to them. I saw this clearly. I mean, how people talk with those in their close circles and what they share on social media are quite different. This is not hypocrisy. This is forced hypocrisy due to fear.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why are people so fearful? This is because there is a climate of generalized fear. Second, who would want to lose their jobs or their civil rights\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>There is something else I\u2019d like to say, another dimension I want to draw attention to. Turkey is a majority Muslim country. And the current government is known to prioritize Islamic values and principles. On the other hand, the oppressed, I mean, the majority of those who currently bear the brunt of the government\u2019s persecution are also practicing Muslims. Now, when people in Turkey see the oppression, so many have said if this is Islam, I mean, if Islam justifies oppressing innocent people, I am not Muslim.\u00a0 This perception is formed not only among leftists and liberals but also among many conservative Muslims. Indeed, what I want to say is that, many previously conservative people are now saying that in terms of creed they do not consider themselves as Muslim anymore.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, there is God, but I do not want to be like those who govern this country. I do not want to be known with my Muslim identity because if I am Muslim and they are Muslim too, we do not believe in the same thing. I am not one of them.<\/span><\/p>\n

(3)<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I am wearing a headscarf, or I should say I was wearing a headscarf. During the course of this witch hunt, I experienced a serious psychological trauma right before Eid al-Ramadan, in which I was dismissed. I was seriously distressed after my brother was jailed and many other things I experienced during that time. And I felt like going outside with headscarf made me look like one of them. And I said to myself \u201cI do not want to wear a headscarf anymore.\u201d When I disclosed this to people around me, I was 43 years old. I had worn a headscarf since I was 13 years old. Because I was attempting this with my own free will, people were disappointed and thought I was becoming an atheist. I said no, I am still a Muslim and I continue practicing my daily prayers. I continue believing in God and my beliefs did not change. But I do not want to look like them. Perhaps, this was a reactive behavior. My soul reacted. My body reacted, and I had all these rashes. In fact, whenever I put on my headscarf, my heart felt squeezed. Perhaps it was a panic attack or something, I do not know, but I could not go outside like this. How do I live now? It is funny. Sometimes I go outside covered, sometimes without. It is funny. I know.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As a historian, my prediction is that after this process, what awaits Turkey is a large-scale deism or widespread identity crisis. It is going to be a social crisis. Right now, it is quite new, and we do not recognize it, but we can see its traces on our children, on our students in new generations.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(4)<\/b><\/p>\n

Yes, I was an educator. What was important for me was not lecturing about history but to transfer my knowledge to my students and thus to the next generation. This is really important for me. This is because I was a student at the college of education, and I have felt deeply about teaching since then. When I passed by a school or when I was an intern, I was crying and looking forward to the day I was going to teach. I was passionate about doing good and helping those children. When I began teaching in college, I felt the same. My colleagues were telling me that I was too involved, too caring, and that I was wearing myself out. In reality, I did not see it that way. I was making tea, cookies and offering them to students in my office. I am telling this to say that I was approaching them with the compassion of a mother for her children. This was not something they were used to. And this gave me joy.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But let me tell you how I feel right now. I certainly do not want to teach anybody anymore. This is because I lost my faith in people during this process, I lost my faith in education. This is because lives of so many educated people are destroyed in Turkey, they are purged\u2026And many of those who did this were educated too. So, now, education is a hollow concept for me. This is how I feel right now. If I ever to teach again, I do not want to do that in Turkey. I do not want to be an educator in Turkey anymore, even if the government reinstates my rights and give my job back. I will most likely resign if that happens. I do not want to teach anything anymore, nor do I want to positively affect change in anybody\u2019s life.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This was the second most devastating thing that happened to me. The first was about my beliefs, that I did not want to perceive my identity as a Muslim anymore. And the second was losing the faith in people, in education, in doing good. I believe it was quite hurtful for me.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(5)<\/b><\/p>\n

During February 28 (referring to events in 1997, also known as the post-modern coup, commonly referred to as February 28), I was a freshman college student. I was into my first year in 1999. And during that time, I was wearing a headscarf. A few of our professors were forcing us to take them off, mocking us and telling us that we could not come to campus like this (with headscarf). We were not able to wear our headscarves on campus, so we used hats and things like that\u2026 some of our friends wore wigs, for instance. Nevertheless, even during that difficult time, our friends from different walks of life supported us. And it was possible to freely talk about this as a form of oppression. People were not afraid of supporting us and did not refrain from doing so. Even though there was government repression, I had many friends who supported me at school. And that\u2019s why I was not psychologically traumatized by what happened.\u00a0 Back then, I went to school wearing a hat for three months, and then I did not wear it and I went to school uncovered. During that time, even though I was upset that I had to do something at the expense of my beliefs, I did not really feel like I was otherized thanks to the supportive atmosphere in my school and the support I received from my classmates. This is because they did not tell me that I could not get my education there or did not strip my rights away. They were telling me about the rules of attending that school and not to come to school with a headscarf. But what we experience right now is that you cannot go to school, you cannot work. There is no way around it. They jailed even high school students. This is very traumatic.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As someone who also experienced the process of\u00a0 February 28 during college years, and if it relieves me to take my head scarf off\u2026I don\u2019t know, it is traumatic and saddening. For me, this current process has been worse. I believe what we experience now is not at all comparable to what happened then. This is more severe\u2026much more severe.<\/span><\/p>\n

Turkish Transcription:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Back to list of interviews<\/a><\/p>\n

(1)<\/b><\/p>\n

Ben kimim diye kendi kendime d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Ben bir akademisyenim. Osmanl\u0131 tarihi alan\u0131nda \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan bir akademisyenim. T\u00fcrkiye\u2019deki bir \u00fcniversitede be\u015f y\u0131l aktif olarak, bir y\u0131l da g\u00f6revden uzakla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olarak \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f olan bir akademisyenim. Resmi olarak \u00fcniversitede bulundu\u011fum s\u00fcre\u00e7te \u00f6\u011frencilerime hep vatanseverli\u011fi, vatan\u0131n \u00e7ok \u00f6nemli oldu\u011funu a\u015f\u0131lamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, vatan i\u00e7in fedakarl\u0131k yapman\u0131n \u00f6neminden bahsettim. Kesinlikle devlete kar\u015f\u0131 herhangi bir su\u00e7 i\u015flemedim, hatta b\u00f6yle bir\u015feyi akl\u0131m\u0131n ucundan bile ge\u00e7irmedim. B\u0131rak\u0131n bunlar\u0131, insan temel hak ve h\u00fcrriyetleri noktas\u0131nda herhangi bir \u00f6\u011frencime bile en ufak bir \u015fekilde zarar vermek hayallerime bile yakla\u015fmazken, ve kesinlikle bu veya benzeri bir faaliyette bulunmamama ve desteklemememe ra\u011fmen, b\u00f6yle \u015feylerle su\u00e7lanm\u0131\u015f olarak \u00fcniversitemden uzakla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmak ve sonunda da hi\u00e7bir \u015fekilde devlet deste\u011finden yararlanamayacak \u015fekilde ihra\u00e7 edilmi\u015f, yani at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmak benim i\u00e7in ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok onur k\u0131r\u0131c\u0131yd\u0131.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130lk ba\u015flarda, a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa al\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u00fcre\u00e7te, yani elime verilen ka\u011f\u0131ttan sonra, \u00fcniversitede kendime ait olan odaya bile gitmek istemedim. Dekanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n odas\u0131ndan direkt d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131kmak istedim. Resmi olarak b\u00f6l\u00fcm ba\u015fkan\u0131ma haber vermem gerekti\u011fi i\u00e7in sadece onun yan\u0131na gittim ve ona dedim \u201cBen odama gitmek ve \u015fahsi e\u015fyalar\u0131m\u0131 bile almak istemiyorum.\u201d B\u00fcy\u00fck bir k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131k ya\u015fam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ve bu hi\u00e7 ge\u00e7medi. Ben zamanla bu cad\u0131 av\u0131 dedi\u011fim s\u00fcrecin ve g\u00f6n\u00fcl k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n ge\u00e7ece\u011fini \u00fcmit ediyordum, bitece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum ve bu yaralar\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc kapataca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum, ama \u00f6yle olmad\u0131. Ne bu s\u00fcre\u00e7 bitti, ne benim i\u00e7imdeki yaralar kabuk ba\u011flad\u0131. Her g\u00fcn ama her g\u00fcn tazelendi. T\u00fcrkiye\u2019de halk\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcn katmanlar\u0131na yay\u0131lacak \u015fekilde bu cad\u0131 av\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc ve herkes bu s\u00fcre\u00e7ten ciddi anlamda zararlar g\u00f6rerek etkilendi.<\/span><\/p>\n

(2)<\/span><\/p>\n

Beni en \u00e7ok yaralayan \u015feylerden birisi de, bir kesim insanda bu olaylar sanki hi\u00e7 ya\u015fanm\u0131yormu\u015f gibi, sanki insanlar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131na hi\u00e7bir \u015fey gelmiyormu\u015f gibi, hayat ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok g\u00fczel devam ediyormu\u015f gibi davranmalar\u0131. Ama bunun derinine indi\u011fimizde benim g\u00f6zlemledi\u011fim kadar\u0131yla, derin bir korku var.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

T\u00fcrkiye’de bir insan\u0131n hapse girmesine veya \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n\u0131n yurt d\u0131\u015f\u0131na ka\u00e7ma yollar\u0131nda\u00a0 \u00f6lmesine \u00fcz\u00fclmek su\u00e7 say\u0131l\u0131yor. Ger\u00e7ekten ciddi anlamda s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum, bu bir su\u00e7 say\u0131l\u0131yor. \u00d6yle birisine \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz zaman, sizin de ayn\u0131 yollara maruz kalma gibi durumunuz olabilir. Ve bundan dolay\u0131 bir\u00e7ok insan kendi \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc sakl\u0131yor. Sosyal medyada ya da g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr alanlarda, insanlar bu durumlara kar\u015f\u0131 umrunda de\u011filmi\u015f gibi, hatta hak ediyorlarm\u0131\u015f gibi davran\u0131yorlar. Ben bunu a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Yani insanlar\u0131n kendi evlerinde, dar mekanlarda veya yak\u0131n \u00e7evresinde s\u00f6yledikleriyle, sosyal medyada payla\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131 \u015feyler \u00e7ok farkl\u0131. Bu iki y\u00fczl\u00fcl\u00fck de\u011fil, korku ile yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir davran\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Neden insanlar korkuyorlar ki diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebilirsiniz. \u0130nsanlar bu duruma d\u00fc\u015fmek istemiyorlar. Kim i\u015fini kaybetmek ister veya sosyal haklar\u0131ndan mahrum kalmak ister.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Benim de\u011finmek istedi\u011fim ba\u015fka bir nokta daha var. T\u00fcrkiye Cumhuriyeti b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00e7o\u011funlu\u011fu itibariyle m\u00fcsl\u00fcman bir \u00fclke ve \u015fu andaki h\u00fck\u00fcmet de \u0130slami de\u011ferleri \u00f6n planda tuttu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen bir h\u00fck\u00fcmet. Buna ra\u011fmen T\u00fcrkiye’deki bu ma\u011fduriyetlere u\u011frayan kesim de genel olarak muhafazakar olarak bilinen, vatan\u0131na devletine ba\u011fl\u0131 dinini ya\u015famaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan insanlar.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Bu yap\u0131lan zulme bak\u0131nca, T\u00fcrkiye’de \u00e7ok k\u00f6t\u00fc bir alg\u0131 olu\u015ftu\u011funu g\u00f6rebiliyorsunuz. Bir\u00e7ok kesim, e\u011fer M\u00fcsl\u00fcmanl\u0131k b\u00f6yle bir \u015feyse, yani kendi \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131na uymayan bir ki\u015fiye zulmetmeyi m\u00fcbah g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsa, ben M\u00fcsl\u00fcman de\u011filim veya olmak istemiyorum diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor. Bu muhafazakar kesimdeki insanlarda da olu\u015ftu, sol liberal kesimlerde de olu\u015ftu. Uzun laf\u0131n k\u0131sas\u0131, muhafazakar bir\u00e7ok insan \u015fu anda itikad\u0131 anlamda art\u0131k M\u00fcsl\u00fcman olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor. Evet bir Allah var ama ben \u015fu anki h\u00fck\u00fcmetteki insanlar\u0131n inand\u0131\u011f\u0131 Allah\u2019a inanmak istemiyorum. Ben onlar\u0131nki gibi M\u00fcsl\u00fcman kimli\u011fimle bilinmek istemiyorum. Asl\u0131nda biz ayn\u0131 \u015feye inanm\u0131yoruz. Ya onlar m\u00fcsl\u00fcman, ya ben. Ama ben asla onlar gibi olmak istemiyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

(3)<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fcy\u00fcm ya da ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fcyd\u00fcm demeliyim. Bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te, Ramazan Bayram\u0131nda ihra\u00e7 olmadan \u00f6nceydi, \u00e7ok ciddi bir psikolojik travma ge\u00e7irdim. Karde\u015fimin hapse girmesi ve yine bu olaylarla ilgili ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m neticesinde ciddi bir kriz ge\u00e7irdim. Ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc olarak her d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda kendimi onlar gibi hissediyordum. Ve kendi kendime dedim ki, artik ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fc takmak istemiyorum. Bu karar\u0131m\u0131 etraf\u0131ma s\u00f6yledi\u011fim zaman 43 ya\u015f\u0131ndayd\u0131m. 13 ya\u015f\u0131ndan beri ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fcyd\u00fcm. Kendi irademle ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu bu karar insanlar\u0131 \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtt\u0131 ve insanlar bana dinden mi \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorsun diye tepkiler verdiler. Ben de onlara dedim ki \u201cHay\u0131r benim itikad\u0131m bozulmad\u0131, ya da Allah\u2019a inanc\u0131m da herhangi bir de\u011fi\u015fiklik olmad\u0131, namaz\u0131m\u0131 k\u0131lmaya devam ediyorum, ben sadece onlar gibi basortulu g\u00f6r\u00fcnmek istemiyorum. Size tuhaf gelebilir ama ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fc tak\u0131nca ruhum daral\u0131yor, kalbim s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131yor ve v\u00fccudumda alerjim varm\u0131\u015f gibi k\u0131zar\u0131kl\u0131klar olu\u015fuyor. Belki de panik atak gibi bir \u015fey ge\u00e7iriyorum ve d\u0131\u015far\u0131ya bu \u015fekilde \u00e7\u0131kam\u0131yorum. \u015eu an size \u00e7ok tuhaf gelebilir; bazen ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fc takarak \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum, bazen ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7arak \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum. \u00c7ok dengesiz bir hal diyeceksiniz; evet fark\u0131nday\u0131m.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Tarih ara\u015ft\u0131rmac\u0131s\u0131 olarak benim tespitim \u015fudur ki; bu s\u00fcre\u00e7ten sonra T\u00fcrkiye\u2019yi deizm ya da ciddi anlamda bir kimlik bunal\u0131m\u0131 beklemektedir. \u015eu anda bu s\u00fcre\u00e7 yeni ve etkisini fark etmiyoruz ama bu s\u00fcrecin etkisini \u00e7ocuklar\u0131m\u0131zda, \u00f6\u011frencilerimizde ve yeni nesilde g\u00f6rece\u011fiz.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

(4)<\/span><\/p>\n

Ben bir tarih e\u011fitimcisiydim. Benim i\u00e7in \u00f6ncelikli olan \u015fey tarihi anlatmak de\u011fil, \u00f6\u011frencilerime ve gelecek nesillere bir \u015feyler aktarmakt\u0131. Bu benim i\u00e7in ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok \u00f6nemliydi. Ben e\u011fitim fak\u00fcltesinde okurken ne zaman \u00f6\u011fretmenli\u011fe ba\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131m konusunda \u00e7ok heyecanl\u0131yd\u0131m. Herhangi bir okulun yan\u0131ndan ge\u00e7erken, ben ne zaman \u00f6\u011fretmen olaca\u011f\u0131m, ne zaman bu \u00e7ocuklara g\u00fczel \u015feyler \u00f6\u011fretece\u011fim diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyor, heyecanlan\u0131yor hatta kendimi tutamay\u0131p a\u011fl\u0131yordum. Daha sonra akademisyen oldu\u011fumda da ayn\u0131 duygular\u0131 besledim. B\u00fct\u00fcn hocalar bana \u00e7ocuklarla a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 ilgileniyorsun, bu kadar kendini y\u0131pratma diyorlard\u0131. Ben bunu hi\u00e7bir \u015fekilde a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 y\u0131pratma olarak g\u00f6rm\u00fcyordum. \u00d6\u011frencilerime odamda \u00e7ay yap\u0131p, ikramlar haz\u0131rl\u0131yordum. S\u0131n\u0131f mevcudu azsa, dersi \u00e7ay ve ikramlar e\u015fli\u011finde odamda yap\u0131yordum. \u00d6\u011frencilerime \u00fcniversite ortam\u0131nda g\u00f6rmedikleri anne \u015fefkatiyle yakla\u015f\u0131yordum ve bu bana b\u00fcy\u00fck mutluluk ve haz veriyordu.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ama \u015fu anda geldi\u011fim duyguyu s\u00f6ylemek istiyorum. Kesinlikle hi\u00e7 kimseye e\u011fitim vermek istemiyorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc inanc\u0131m\u0131 kaybettim, insana olan inanc\u0131m\u0131, e\u011fitime olan inanc\u0131m\u0131 kaybettim. \u00c7ok e\u011fitimli oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz insanlar bir \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131da yok edildiler. Yani bir \u015fekilde T\u00fcrkiye’den uzakla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131lar, hayatlar\u0131ndan uzakla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131lar. Daha da k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc \u00e7ok e\u011fitimli oldu\u011funu zannetti\u011fimiz, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz insanlar bize bunlar\u0131 yapt\u0131lar. Ve \u015fu anda, ne yazik ki e\u011fitim benim i\u00e7in art\u0131k ger\u00e7ekten i\u00e7i bo\u015f bir kavram oldu. Art\u0131k e\u011fitimci olmak istemiyorum. E\u011fer e\u011fitimci olacaksam bile, T\u00fcrkiye’de yapmak istemiyorum. Hani bir g\u00fcn, devlet bana iade-i itibar yapar ve mesle\u011fimi geri verirse bile, b\u00fcy\u00fck bi ihtimalle istifa ederim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben art\u0131k hi\u00e7 kimseye hi\u00e7bir \u015fey \u00f6\u011fretmek istemiyorum, herhangi bir insan hayat\u0131na olumlu anlamda bir dokunu\u015fum olsun istemiyorum.<\/span><\/p>\n

Beni en \u00e7ok sarsan \u015feylerden birincisi inanc\u0131mla ilgili. Art\u0131k kendimi M\u00fcsl\u00fcman bir kimlikle g\u00f6rmek istemiyorum. \u0130kincisi de insana olan, e\u011fitime olan inanc\u0131mla ilgili. Hi\u00e7 kimse i\u00e7in faydal\u0131 bir \u015fey yapmak istemiyorum. K\u0131sacas\u0131, bu s\u00fcre\u00e7 benim i\u00e7in \u00e7ok fazla yaralay\u0131c\u0131 oldu.<\/span><\/p>\n

(5)<\/span><\/p>\n

28 \u015eubat d\u00f6neminde ben bir \u00fcniversitede \u00f6\u011frencisiydim. 1999 y\u0131l\u0131nda \u00fcniversite birinci s\u0131n\u0131f \u00f6\u011frencisiydim ve o s\u00fcre\u00e7te ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fcyd\u00fcm. \u00dcniversitedeki bir ka\u00e7 tane hocam\u0131z bize ciddi bask\u0131 uyguluyorlard\u0131, bizimle dalga ge\u00e7iyorlard\u0131 ve ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc bir \u015fekilde s\u0131n\u0131fa giremeyece\u011fimizi s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Zaten ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc okula giremiyorduk; ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131za \u015fapka, peruk veya benzeri \u015feyler tak\u0131yorduk. O s\u00fcre\u00e7te, s\u0131n\u0131ftaki her d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceden arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z bize ciddi destek veriyorlard\u0131 ve toplumda bunun a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a bir zul\u00fcm oldu\u011fu konu\u015fabiliyordu ve insanlar a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a bize destek vermekten ka\u00e7\u0131nm\u0131yorlard\u0131, \u015fu anda oldu\u011fu gibi korkmuyorlard\u0131.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

O s\u00fcre\u00e7te, yani 28 \u015eubat s\u00fcrecinde, devlet bask\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n yo\u011fun oldu\u011fu o zamanda bile, s\u0131n\u0131fta beni a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a koruyan bir\u00e7ok arkada\u015f\u0131m vard\u0131. Bundan dolay\u0131 olsa gerek, psikolojik olarak hi\u00e7 y\u0131pranmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, ki o zaman 3 ay kadar derslere \u015fapkal\u0131 girmi\u015ftim, daha sonra da ba\u015f\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k girmi\u015ftim. Ben inanc\u0131ma ra\u011fmen ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in ki\u015fisel olarak \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fc duyuyordum ama kendi \u00fcst\u00fcmde bir bask\u0131 hissedip kendimi \u00f6teki olarak hissetmiyordum. \u015eu zamandaki gibi b\u00f6yle bir \u00f6tekile\u015ftirme hissetmiyordum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bana sen okula gelme okuyamazs\u0131n demiyorlard\u0131 ya da haklar\u0131m elimden al\u0131nm\u0131yordu. Okulun \u015fartlar\u0131 b\u00f6yle, ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc olarak okula giremezsin diyorlard\u0131 ama \u015fu an ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00fcre\u00e7 gibi sen okuyamazs\u0131n, sen \u00e7al\u0131\u015famazs\u0131n diye bir\u015fey yoktu. Bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te lise \u00f6\u011frencileri bile hapse girdi. \u015eimdi size soruyorum, bu kadar komik ve travmatik bir \u015fey olabilir mi!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ben 28 \u015eubat s\u00fcrecini de \u00fcniversitede ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f bir insan olarak diyorum ki; \u015fu an ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu s\u00fcre\u00e7, 28 \u015eubat s\u00fcrecine g\u00f6re k\u0131yaslanamayacak kadar \u00e7ok daha a\u011f\u0131r ve y\u0131prat\u0131c\u0131 oldu. (D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcn bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 a\u00e7mak beni rahatlat\u0131yor, ki 28 \u015eubat s\u00fcrecinde ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcy\u00fc \u00e7\u0131karmak insanlar ve benim i\u00e7in ger\u00e7ekten \u00e7ok travmatik ve \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fc verici idi.) Tahmin edebiliyor musunuz, durumun ne kadar vahim oldu\u011funu!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n
Copyrighted to Undaunted Voices of Turkey<\/pre>\n
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Story of a 45-year-old academic who was later dismissed from her position. Experiencing the oppressive environment of Februray 28 post-modern coup as a headscarved college student, she sees the current situation more traumatizing with heavy polarization and otherization in the society. She does not want to associate herself with the current oppressive regime and does […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6241,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7],"tags":[17,18,8,11],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/313"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6241"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=313"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/313\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":314,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/313\/revisions\/314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=313"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=313"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sites.bu.edu\/storiesofwomen\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=313"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}