What comes to mind when you hear the word \u201ctrauma\u201d?\u00a0 Most often we associate it with negative feelings\/emotions of pain, sadness, harm, and struggle.\u00a0 What if I told you that the trauma experiences that I have dealt with in life have enabled me to grow and learn about myself?\u00a0 I would like to talk about post traumatic growth.\u00a0 In my experience trauma can either disable you or motivate you.\u00a0 I experienced trauma as a child which had formed my outlook on life.\u00a0 Sometimes those habits are hard to break. However, it wasn\u2019t until my adult trauma\u2019s that I began to understand what makes Meredith tick. Trauma experiences as a child are not easy to process as children don\u2019t have the knowledge and coping mechanisms that can be developed in adulthood.<\/p>\n
In 2013, I traveled by commuter train to Boston to watch a friend run the Boston Marathon.\u00a0 I had run it the year before.\u00a0 I had taken up a \u201chome base\u201d at the Atlantic Fish Company on Boylston Street very near the finish line.\u00a0 In the passing time, I had unknowingly walked by both bombs within a very close time of them detonating.\u00a0 I had only been inside the restaurant for a minute or so when I heard the first bomb explode and felt the ground shake.\u00a0 My first inclination about what it may have been was maybe the catwalk or stands had collapsed at the finish line.\u00a0 That first explosion drew my attention out the plate glass window in the front of the restaurant and that is when I saw a flash and heard another explosion.\u00a0 Right then, from my training and experience, I knew they were bombs, and it was terrifying.<\/p>\n
Through my fears, my training and experience as a State Trooper took hold.\u00a0 I immediately went into work mode and ushered people into the basement floors of the restaurant.\u00a0 People were streaming in from the street outside and were hysterical, I tried to provide them comfort.\u00a0 I subsequently exited the restaurant and saw a man with no leg.\u00a0 I assisted in grabbing tablecloths and ice from inside the restaurant, bringing them outside to aid the injured.\u00a0 I saw a man sitting over young Martin Richard.\u00a0 He looked at me and I looked at him and we knew he was dead.\u00a0 That picture is forever engrained in my mind.\u00a0 I then saw two men carrying his sister, toward an awaiting Rescue.\u00a0 The response to the tragedy was extremely fast as there were Rescue personnel already on standby at the finish line for runners.\u00a0 As a law enforcement officer, we call this \u201ccontrolled chaos\u201d.\u00a0 This controlled chaos are the situational conditions that we have been trained to handle.\u00a0 Rescues, doctor, nurses were right at the finish line to assist the finishing athletes, little did they know they would have a much different task that day.<\/p>\n
Although I sought out therapy for what I experienced, I didn\u2019t do enough work.\u00a0 I was back to work quickly to avoid watching the media attention, and subsequently dealing with the stressors of work on top of what I had experienced in Boston.\u00a0 A couple years later I found myself in an abusive relationship and it was during this time I can now see that I fell into a steep downward spiral.\u00a0 In 2017 I had to have shoulder surgery from a dislocated shoulder suffered while hiking in Vermont.\u00a0 I had been in Vermont at a program for first responders suffering from addiction\/substance abuse. Yes, I had found solace in the bottom of a liquor bottle like many first responders. \u00a0After surgery, I voluntarily admitted myself into a 30-day residential treatment program in Michigan for those suffering from addiction and co-occurring disorders.\u00a0 It was the best decision I have ever made.\u00a0 For those of you that have never experienced an inpatient treatment program, you are essentially cut off from the rest of the world.\u00a0 No cell phones, no internet, no television.\u00a0 Your immediate job is to address yourself while removing outside influences and stressors so that you can concentrate on yourself.\u00a0 Often throughout life, addressing our inner being is the last thing on a list of many things to do. Yet it is the most crucial thing for our overall wellbeing.<\/p>\n
Post Traumatic Growth (PTG) can occur from any experience that challenges your core values and beliefs\u00a0about the world: what you\u2019re capable of, the nature of the world, the nature of others, and your philosophy about life. (HPRC, 2022) Studies have found that more than half of all trauma survivors report positive change<\/a>\u2014far more than report the much better-known post-traumatic stress disorder. (Rendon, J., 2015) Post-traumatic growth (PTG) is a theory that explains this kind of transformation following trauma. It was developed by psychologists Richard Tedeschi, PhD, and Lawrence Calhoun, PhD, in the mid-1990s, and holds that people who endure psychological struggle following adversity can often see positive growth afterward. (Collier, 2016)<\/p>\n People who have experienced trauma must decide whether that trauma will define them or control them.\u00a0 That decision is most often made unconsciously.\u00a0 I would argue that part of PTG is bringing that unconscious thought to conscious action.\u00a0 That decision is made based on the experience at the time and place that the individual occupies.\u00a0 The decision is often uncontrollable, until you figure out what makes you \u201ctick\u201d.\u00a0 Between stimulus and response there is a space.\u00a0 In that space is our power to choose our response.\u00a0 In our response lies our growth and freedom. (Pattakos, A., Dundon, E., 2017)\u00a0\u00a0 Tedeschi, the leading psychologist in PTG, stated, \u201cwe\u2019ve learned that negative experiences can spur positive change, including a recognition of personal strength, the exploration of new possibilities, improved relationships, a greater appreciation for life, and spiritual growth. (Tedeschi, 2020)<\/p>\n In my experience, I have grown to learn more about myself in my 40\u2019s then I have in my entire life.\u00a0 That is not to say that it didn\u2019t take work.\u00a0 When you find yourself stuck and realize that it is time to take time for you, I can say it is a freeing experience.\u00a0 Like many others, I found it extremely difficult to say \u201cno\u201d.\u00a0 Learning to say \u201cno\u201d can be exhilarating.\u00a0 PTG is life changing.\u00a0 It\u2019s important to understand and accept that our life experiences may influence our actions and beliefs, but they don\u2019t need to control us.\u00a0 Having a clear mind to rationally attack life\u2019s \u201cbumps in the road\u201d is necessary for this growth.\u00a0 In my experience, PTG has forced me to try new things, brought what is important into perspective, gave me a new perspective on things, allowed me to grow as a person, forced me out of my comfort zone, provided me with a new understanding on others experiencing trauma, and made me realize that I am human. Through PTG you begin to understand just what resilience is and how we can increase our tolerance of uncomfortable things.\u00a0 Resilience is a crucial protective factor in the individual that resists the influence of multiple risk factors. (Bartol & Bartol, pg. 37, 2021) Resilience defined is successful coping with or overcoming risk and adversity, the development of competence in the face of severe stress and hardship, and success in developmental tasks or meeting societal expectations. (McKnight & Loper, 2002, pg. 188)<\/p>\n Furthermore, we all need to learn to listen to our bodies.\u00a0 It is the first indication that something is amiss, and we all too often ignore the signs.\u00a0 Being able to detect even slight changes in our bodies can help us to recognize what we are experiencing and assist us in making better decisions. Learning through mindfulness to be present in the moment. It is imperative that we make time for ourselves, however small time that may be.\u00a0 It is crucial to our wellbeing.<\/p>\n Bartol, C., & Bartol, A. (2021). Criminal behavior: A Psychological Approach (12th ed.). Boston.<\/p>\n Collier, L. (2016, November). Growth after trauma<\/em>. Monitor on Psychology. Retrieved August 10, 2022, from https:\/\/www.apa.org\/monitor\/2016\/11\/growth-trauma<\/a><\/p>\n Human Performance Resources by CHAMP (HPRC), 5 benefits of post-traumatic growth<\/em>. (2020, September 11). Retrieved August 11, 2022, from https:\/\/www.hprc-online.org\/mental-fitness\/mental-health\/5-benefits-post-traumatic<\/p>\n McKnight, L.R., & Loper, A.B. (2002). The effect of risk and resilience factors on the prediction of delinquency in adolescent girls. School Psychology International, 23, 186-198.<\/p>\n Pattakos, A., & Dundon, E. (2017). Prisoners of our thoughts: Viktor Frankl’s principles for discovering meaning in life and work<\/em>. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.<\/p>\n