Names would never hurt me?
Background
In reviewing topics for this blog, I engaged a much younger audience in the conversation about gender and identity. Born in the late 1960s I can’t say that the issue of name calling has never come up. I would like to think that we dealt with it differently and that we outgrew the pain and confusion it caused. However, in preparing this blog I found that this was not the case. My understanding of how traumatic the issue of name calling and verbal abuse was for men, women and children was truly limited.
When did this topic get so complicated? Or did I get stuck in the mud as the world moved by me? Growing up I often heard the rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones but names would never hurt me” this is the foundation that name calling in my social circle would be built on. When did it all change? Did my generation just ignore the pain experienced by those being verbally assaulted? Did global crises create a more conscious and sensitive society?
Child and Adolescent Trauma
Dr. Rousseau (2017) describes trauma as “an inescapably stressful event that overwhelms people’s existing coping mechanisms”. This fits my understanding of that old nursery rhyme, “sticks and stones”. As a young man, I could escape the name calling by one of two options 1) return the name calling with another just as demeaning or 2) just walk away saying “sticks and stones ….”. That event, as stressful as it appeared never developed into something that was inescapable.
In a presentation by Lynn Smithwick (2017) the topic of child and adolescent trauma was discussed. An example was provided from the National Association of State Mental Health Program Directors defining trauma as “the experience of violence and victimization including sexual abuse, physical abuse, severe neglect, loss, domestic violence and/or the witnessing of violence, terrorism or disasters” (Smithwick, 2017). Are today’s children being exposed to more trauma than ever before? Have the events of September 11, 2001 impacted our current young adult population to the point that name calling and bullying has reached its boiling point? Did this overwhelming and tragic event exceed our coping mechanisms? For many it indeed appears to have changed their outlook on life, others have become numb to the violence and terrorism.
Trauma can occur by being exposed to several events. Among them are disasters, witnessing violence and/or emotional abuse (Smithwick, 2017). These events and the experiences can occur in a single event or over a period. Most importantly trauma is not something that discriminates it affects and impacts people from all walks of life and income levels.
Identity
Has identity and self-expression become a source of traumatic experience for individuals? Across college campuses there is an effort to change the way we use and choose our words for self-identification. To take it one step further there are efforts to create a non-gender based form of thinking. Boston University added a gender-neutral housing option for upper-class students beginning in the fall 2013. Salem State University has created a gender inclusive housing process for students. Each example is geared toward creating a more tolerant and accepting environment.
The gender identity and gender expression process I would imagine can be a source of stress for those that feel out of place with the societal expression of self and for those that are required to learn a new form of expression. The website www.mypronouns.org offers a new look into self-identity using personal pronouns. For example, there are additional sets of pronouns that some people might use (e.g. ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, xe/xem, etc.). I would like to incorporate a more gender-neutral form of expression, however it is very stressful trying to understand the process.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names are now confusing me….
References
Rousseau, PhD. LMHC, D. (2017). Violence and Trauma [PowerPoint slides]. Retrieved from lecture notes.
Smithwick, L. (2017) Child and Adolescent Trauma [PowerPoint slides]. Retrieved from lecture notes.